BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE PT. 7

continued from part 6

Bodie’s response to Rue was not what she had expected.

Rue’s thoughts drowned Bodie’s prayer out as she reevaluated how she got to where she was in her life, that very moment in time:

When Marlon passed, Rue despised the consuming power grief held over her life. As time passed, it became her new norm; a coping mechanism that kept boundaries around her life. This allowed her to comfortably accept the year long platonic friendship she had with Lavelle. Their friendship worked perfectly because he was a good companion whenever she felt like going out, and a simple breath of fresh air when she needed someone to talk to on nights she was finding it difficult  to fall asleep. All had been great between the both of them, up until the prior evening when he abruptly ended their friendship.

Rue shook her head out of disgust as she thought: Out of all the men I agreed to be friends with, he would end up being one of Bodie’s relatives! Well, at least Bodie came over tonight to tell me what he had done…come to think about it, everything worked out for the best…

And just like that, Rue no longer desired to push Bodie away anymore. She cleared her mind, humbled her spirit and began listening intently to him interceding on her behalf.  As she listened to him cry out to God, every wall she had put up to shield her heart, mind, and soul dissipated.

Rue was tired of pretending that she wasn’t miserable. She was tired of running and ready for a change.

She was tired of crying herself to sleep and being unhappy with life. What she had been doing and how she had been living had not kept her late husband Marlon’s memories alive. Instead, it was choking the life out of her. All of this was a direct result of her refusal to release the past, which held her captive for far too long. Rue was now ready to take her life back; re-establishing a relationship with God was the first step she intended to take in an effort of getting back on track.  Secondly, she decided that she was done pushing Bodie away.

This was the pivotal point that changed the trajectory of Rue’s life.

Many years later as Rue sat outside on the deck of her home with Naima and her in-laws, she watched with admiration the loving interaction her husband had with their children as he gave them instructions before allowing them to run off and play. She soaked in her surroundings and felt a great sense of peace.

Bodie looked over at Rue, smiled and mouthed: I Love You. Rue smiled back at him and mouthed: I Love You too. He stood up and walked over to her, then sat down beside her and wrapped his arms around her. She leaned into him, closed her eyes and whispered within her spirit: thank you God for turning my mourning into dancing and for giving me beauty for ashes…

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 1 Corinthians 13:13

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BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE PT. 6

Continued from part 5 in this short story series.

Rue looked down at Bodie, inhaled and spoke her truth: “Bodie… You remind me of the most painful and happiest times in my life from two of my past relationships. The man who hurt me was prestigious and lived an elite lifestyle, so I experienced firsthand everything that came with dating a person of that caliber. The level of toxicity I experienced and endured from him is the reason a part of me opposes you…”

“I vowed to never allow myself to endure anything like that ever again, which is why I have stayed far away from you. On the other hand, there’s a part of me that’s intrigued by you… drawn to your characteristics…mannerisms and ways because you remind me so much of Marlon. My pain is what took Marlon and me from best friends to a couple. Happiness…that’s what he gave me and what I experienced in such a way I never felt before, until my life with him.”

Rue continued, “You stir up emotions within me and triggered memories I haven’t had to face alone, until now.  Everything I have ever dealt with in my life….both good and bad… I faced it with Marlon.  He and I were best friends! In the midst of my pain, he saw the woman I would become before I became her….” Rue sighed and said to Bodie, “I cannot allow you to replace him!”

And just like that, a weight felt as if it had been lifted from Rue’s heart. She was initially met with silence and then he spoke two words to her she didn’t expect to hear him say: “I’m sorry.” Rue looked into Bodie’s saddened eyes as he gently squeezed her hands and said: “Rue I’m sorry for the pain you endured at the hands of a man who used his status to inflict harm on your soul. I’m sorry he felt more empowered by mishandling your heart and left you to pick up the pieces of the pain he caused you.”

Bodie continued, “I’m sorry that your husband, who was your pillar, died and left you to navigate life alone…I’m sorry  you are in a place of pain right now where you feel that I want to remove all traces of your late husband and replace him. I’m sorry that the pain you feel is so deep until any and everything I say to you…my truth…doesn’t sound sincere to you. Rue…I so badly want to take your pain away, but the truth is…I can’t. I can walk with you through it…encourage and assist you every step of the way but the task of taking your pain away is too great for me. As much as I want you to see me for who I am. As much as I want you to see my heart, I know that right now…it is impossible.”

“You must completely heal from your pain before I can present myself to you and the only person who can heal you is God.”

“Everything’s going to be okay Rue and if you will allow me to…I will walk with you through this journey in whatever capacity God sees fit to use me within your life.  I will be whatever it is God says you need me to be throughout this healing process because Rue I want to marry you. I want to raise a family with you and live a loving, happy life with you ‘til death do us part.”

Rue was fighting hard to contain her emotions and just as she was about to ask Bodie to get up from off of his knees and go home, he stood up and said to her: “Rue…I’m going to pray over you right now okay…” She nodded her head yes, but the inner voice was screaming at her to send him home! For some reason she couldn’t formulate the words. As she listened to every request Bodie asked God on her behalf, she felt a peace come over her. Rue wondered why she felt comfortable living a life of memories; she then asked herself what was so happy and fulfilling about living a life of grief?

Bodie’s heart of concern made her feel safe; it made her feel that she could stop running from both him and God.

TO BE CONTINUE...

Confessions of a Female Porn Addict

Porn addictions do not discriminate.

For the last few weeks, I have been writing about how we need to change the way we talk about sex in church; sex is not just for men, but for women as well. However, the same applies to porn. It is not just men who are getting addicted to porn, but women as well. Nevertheless, we say porn is “Every Man’s Battle” and don’t acknowledge the battle that many women are fighting on their own in secret.

Today Beth Nyhart, author of Rend Your Heart & Not Your Garments is going to talk about her past struggles as a female porn addict.

Here’s Beth:

If you met me at 16, you would have seen a tall red-headed girl who had been homeschooled her whole life.

As we talked you might have learned that I loved music and drama, that I wanted to be a missionary when I grew up, and that church was a second home to me.

I doubt you would have been able to guess that I was addicted to pornography.

In the early 2000s my youth group was all about purity culture. Teen girls wore silver rings and wrote letters for their future husbands to open on wedding nights. We learned to kiss dating goodbye, and that saving yourself for marriage was a pivotal part of being a Christian.

I’m not saying that any of that was bad. But it didn’t help me.

When the topic of pornography came up it was addressed to the boys, because everyone knew that men are sexually stimulated visually. The girls were taught about modesty and finding our emotional fulfillment in Jesus. I sat through these teachings nodding and taking it in but all the while feeling like something must be wrong with me. It seemed like I was a deviant foul-hearted freak of nature sitting in a group of innocents. If nobody taught girls about porn that meant girls weren’t supposed to be dealing with porn. I was obviously the only one.

That’s a lie.

I can catch them more easily now that I’ve had a decade of practice. Satan has whispered that lie in the ear of so many young women who look around wondering if anyone can help them, then lower their eyes in shame. The accuser taunts, “No one can help you, if they even knew about you they’d be disgusted. They think you are a good example to the other girls, but if they knew what you were doing last night you’d never show your face here again.”

My double life started at the age of 8 when I was first introduced to pornography and it continued until I was 18 and finally found a way to confess my sin and get help. One of the characteristics of pornography is that as you indulge in it, the compulsions escalate. Your body develops a threshold to what you are feeding it and you find yourself needing a harder hit. In porn terms that means it needs to be more degrading; more taboo. And you’d better believe that Satan is on board with inventing new lows as our addiction-ridden brains need stimuli. This is one of the reasons that PornHub’s 2018 year in review stats show that the most searched for types of porn are homosexual, underage, incestuous, violence, animated, and porn with multiple participants. If you are wondering why animated is on that list, it’s because the human body has limitations, but animation opens up a world of disgusting possibilities.

Another one of Satan’s lies is that getting married will solve the problems you have with lust. But as you cultivate a desire for pornography and train your body to become aroused by the variety of porn out there, what you are doing is creating desires in yourself that a monogamous marriage relationship will never be able to fulfill. Just being allowed to have sex isn’t enough when you’ve rewired your brain and body to respond to pornography.

I was caught in what I call a sin/confess cycle.

I would indulge in pornography and then feel such shame that I’d cry out to God in desperation. I prayed that He would change me, take this temptation away, or fix whatever was broken inside of my body. Over and over again He would give me the same answer: CONFESS.

Confess. Not just to God, but to another person. Admit out loud what I had been doing and that I needed help. That was unthinkable. I could never in a million years confess this sin.

But God has a way of driving us down to the end of ourselves and forcing us to face what He asks of us. After years of emotional and spiritual turmoil I knew that this was never going to go away on its own. I started praying that God would give me the strength to obey Him in the act of confession, and He was faithful to provide for me.

My temptations didn’t go away overnight.

I had 10 years of habits to unlearn, I had a relationship with the Holy Spirit that was old and new at the same time. I had to re-internalize the basics of Christianity that hadn’t been able to impact my heart before in quite the same way. But I surrounded myself with people who knew my struggle and were willing to walk through it with me, and I thank God for them every day.

Sin is the same across the board, though the earthly consequences may vary (There are amazing Christian therapy and recovery programs for people who are dealing with addictions). The woman struggling to contain the bitterness in her heart and the woman struggling to control her sexual urges are both separated from God by their sin. And both of them need to deal with it!

The basics of how to deal with sin are:

Come to God with a broken and contrite heart over your sin (Psalm 51:17)

Ask Him to provide everything you need to live a godly life, which when dealing with sin is the right opportunity, person, and strength to confess and repent (2 Peter 1:3)

Obey God in the act of confession (James 5:16)

Accept the forgiveness that He offers you through the blood of Jesus Christ (Ephesians 1:7)

Surround yourself with other believers who will walk with you, hold you accountable, and encourage you (Ecclesiastes 4:9-12)

Daily allow the Spirit to transform you by renewing your mind (Romans 12:1-2)

The thing about sin is that we are all universally unable to handle it in our own willpower.

We need God to do all of the work for us, and only by surrendering to His work in our hearts are we conformed into the likeness of Christ.

As I speak and write about sin, my heart’s desire is to invite people to come out of the darkness and into the light. God has so much for us, so much peace and purpose that He generously lavishes on us. But so many people spend their lives ensnared in sin and unwilling to let go of it. Satan might be telling you that your sin isn’t that big of a deal, or he might be telling you that your sin is the worst ever and nobody can find out. But either way, he is wrong.

Your sin is common. Unextraordinary. The typical fallen human experience. I’m not afraid or impressed by the depth or the breadth of it. Your sin is rotting your heart, keeping you from true fellowship with God, and hurting your church body every day you don’t deal with it. And your sin is completely 100% deal-with-able.

Don’t wait another moment to come to God with your hands high in surrender. Turn yourself in and trust your soul to the One who is in the business of redeeming weakness for His glory.

Boundaries In A Relationship

You are finally in your dream relationship, and you feel like it would last forever. However, not setting boundaries can be the wild card which you never considered. Setting boundaries in relationships for most people seem unnecessary. 

After all, the fact that they have been together for a long time would mean those boundaries would sooner or later not be important anymore. However, setting boundaries can preserve the respect and dignity in the relationship. In fact, it can make the relationship to be truly lasting.

While this is true, it may be a harder task to know how to effectively set boundaries in relationships. If you find yourself in a similar situation, then you are in the right place. In this article, we shall be considering essential tips which would help you set up boundaries effectively. Here are some of the most salient tips;

1. Communication
The first thing that is needed when setting boundaries in relationships is effective communication. The ability to express yourself honestly and clearly to another person is a gift which many people struggle. However, this is essential if you want to see your relationship blossom. It would also come in handy when you are dealing with boundaries.

Try to talk to your partners about the things which you like to set boundaries about. It is always recommended that you start with something your partner does well instead of going all out against them. Also, try to ensure that your partner is in a good or positive mood before you begin.

When communicating, your goal should be to improve your relationship. It would, therefore, be unnecessary for you to use a sarcastic tone or a rude comment when talking about a trait you do not like in your partner. Try not to downgrade the opinions of your partner especially if it does not agree with your own opinions.

When you mastered the art of communication with your partner, you would realize that half of your work is done.

2. Assumptions
One major thing you would have to avoid when setting boundaries are assumptions. Making assumptions about how your partner feels about a particular issue or trying to guess the feelings of your spouse based on their actions would be really wrong and may even lead to the deterioration of your relationship.

Granted, many couples have been together for several years, perhaps even decades. However, the truth is that there are always new things to learn about a person with each passing days. Also, people’s opinions change over time.

It is, therefore, important that you ask your partner what he or she feels about a particular issue, instead of assuming. This would make sure that you do not misjudge an issue. It’s vital to ask questions concerning the feelings of your partner; it would make them feel valued and prevent misunderstanding.

3. Discipline
Discipline is an essential step when it comes to set boundaries in relationships. When you are setting boundaries with your partner, you have to make sure that you are disciplined enough to follow through with any boundaries which you have set.

It would be of no use if you set a boundary in your relationship and break it under the slimmest pressure. For a boundary to have full effect, it is important that you execute it to full effect. This is also one way you can show your partner just how serious you are about the boundaries which you have set.

Therefore, it’s crucial to avoid making any exceptions to the boundaries which you have set. Once there are exceptions, the possibility of you dropping your hands on certain aspects of your boundaries would be much more likely.

4. Think
It is very easy for people to stop thinking when they are in relationships. There are so many emotions involved in a relationship, and really you cannot blame anyone for feeling a lot. However, the art of thinking is especially important when you are having relationship problems. When an issue occurs, it is very easy to look for all the flaws and mistakes in your partner and put all the blame on them. However, most times, it is not always their fault.

Sometimes, you should consciously take in all the actions that you have taken in a relationship. Try to see if you might have in one way or the other caused the problem or made your partner behave in a particular manner. Indeed, taking time to take about matters can make a difference in the boundaries in relationships.

5. Move on?
Sometimes, relationships aren’t just meant to be. Most partners might not be compatible, or some might just not be ready to make adjustments. It is important to distinguish between a partner who puts in efforts make the relationship better and a partner who is simply indifferent to all the boundaries you set. It is even worse if you have a partner who disrespects the boundaries which you have set and found them repulsive.

No matter how much you love someone, there are certain ways in which one should not be treated in a relationship. You should never be treated abusively or insignificantly (not as your partner’s priority). If you find that you are accorded the kind of respect or dignity you should have, then it might just be time to leave the relationship.

You should always remember that it is not your fault that your partner does not have the ability to communicate his or her feelings and that your partner is the only one who bears responsibility for that. Take time to analyze the relationship and decide what your next move would be.

Conclusion
Setting boundaries in relationships is not an easy task. However, it is one of the most important things you need to do to have a healthy relationship.

Without adequate and healthy boundaries, it would be impossible to grow a relationship with love, respect, and dignity for each other. You would keep on having conflicts which you can’t understand why. With this mind, it’s necessary to communicate with your partner about your boundaries regularly.

Avoid assuming what your partner feels or thinks about a particular issue and move on when you realize that things are simply not working out. Making the right decision would lead to blessings in the future.

BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE PT. 5

Why does she do these things!!?Rue exploded aloud as she yanked her hair up into a ponytail before snatching open her bedroom door. The faint sounds of their laughter grew louder as she made her way to the room where Naima and Rue’s surprise guest were seated. When Rue saw who it was waiting to see her she stood in the entryway unable to neither move nor speak. She found herself observing his every move and being captivated by his gentle ways, calming tone, and respectful interactions with Naima. Rue didn’t know how long she had been standing in the entryway observing him, but he was oblivious to her presence until Naima called for Rue to enter into the room and join them.

Immediately he stood up and adjusted his suit jacket, picked up the vase of two dozen white long stem roses, and walked towards Rue. He handed them to her and said: “These are for you Rue. How are you…how are you doing?” Rue smiled and thanked him for the roses without answering either of his questions.

He looked at her facial expression and said: “I have to explain to you about last night. When I saw my cousin Lavelle with you, I wanted to know what his intentions were with you. So, I pulled him aside and asked him if he was going to marry you. He told me that he had no intentions of committing to you and marrying you. So I told him to leave you alone. Rue, you deserve someone who will love and commit to you in marriage.”

Rue placed the vase of roses down on the coffee table and sat down on the sofa. Her eyebrows furrowed and lips curled as she blurted out: “We didn’t work out…that’s why you and I only went out on that one date and haven’t spoken ever since until right now…”He responded to Rue saying: “But it did work out. I want to marry you…have a family with you…love and care for you and make you happy until the day I die.  When I first saw you, I knew that I wanted to marry you…our date was just confirmation for me.”

Rue stared at Bodie as if he were delusional. He knelt down in front of her, stared into her eyes and stated,“Timing is everything and my timing was completely off during our date; you lashed out at me because you were hurting. Your soul was broken because you lost your husband. You were just going through the motions, trying to keep it all together. I’m sorry my questions overwhelmed you and pushed you over the edge.”

Bodie continued, “Ever since our date, I have been unable to get you off of my mind. I haven’t dated nor pursued any woman except you. For a year and a half I’ve been calling Naima twice a week to check on you and see how you’re doing. Rue, I want you to know that I am okay with you not being okay because I understand that healing takes time. So I will continue to pray for you until you receive your breakthrough and are able to smile…laugh…live and love again…”

Rue jumped up from the sofa; Bodie reached for both of her hands and said “Please talk to me Rue…. Please tell me what I said that made you uncomfortable.”  Without hesitation, Rue responded and said: “This…all of this is too much! The way you’re talking to me right now as if you know me…as if you really care and are concerned about me…what do you want with a woman who is broken!?”

Bodie responded and said,“I am concerned about you because you’re a part of me…you’re my rib. You were gently and carefully crafted by God, for me. It is my responsibility to pray, care and love you to wholeness…if you’ll let me…will you let me?” As Rue looked at Bodie sideways, Naima cleared her throat and said “It’s time for you to stop holding it in and tell him the truth Rue…”

LET'S TALK PORN

No one likes to talk about sex in the church. When I was growing up, the only thing I was taught was “don’t even think about it until you’re married”.

When I found myself in school, the struggle got really real, real quick!

I knew sex was for marriage. That I did know. But watching a little porn every now and then wouldn’t hurt right? WRONG!

Many people say that when they hear about someone who is addicted to pornography, they automatically think it’s a man. Pornography is not just a man thing. In fact, it’s becoming more and more common with women. Christian women to be specific.

As for me, It started out being an occasional thing. Then it went from an occasional thing to an everyday thing.

At some point, I knew it had gotten out of control. But I was too embarrassed to tell anyone and too proud to get help. I was determined to tackle this thing on my own. After all, it’s not that big of a deal right? ***sigh*** Boy was I wrong!

Here are helpful tips for the Christian addicted to pornography.

1. SURRENDER TO GOD

I secretly battled an addiction to pornography for years. At times, I felt like I wasn’t saved because this recurring sin kept me in bondage. I felt hopeless to overcome it, until finally one day I surrendered.

Amazingly, God took that desire away, and I am pornography free today. I was freed from this powerful stronghold by surrendering it to God. Victory is only possible by surrender: surrendering to God.

God promised to give us a new heart and new desires, writing through the prophet Ezekiel, “I will give you a new heart, and a new spirit I will put within you. And I will remove the heart of stone from your flesh and give you a heart of flesh” (Ezek. 36:26).

God will do just that, giving us a new heart with new desires, a desire to obey Him.

2. GET AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER

Don’t be embarrassed to confess your sins.

The Body of Christ needs one another, and one example is a married friend of mine. I needed to be held accountable for my addiction to porn, so she volunteered to become my accountability partner.

She wanted me to call her every few days to report how my week was going.

I would have to tell her if I had been into pornography again or if I had remained free from this sin during the week.

If I was watching porn and then I lied to her about it, I’d add more guilt upon myself by adding lying to her. It just wasn’t worth it.

Having someone to reach out to and be accountable to, can help. I called my accountability partner whenever I was being tempted so we could pray together.

3. FAST AND PRAY IT OUT

In the Scriptures where Jesus taught the disciples how to pray, He included in this prayer, “And lead us not into temptation, but deliver us from the evil one” (Matt. 6:13).

So we can pray for deliverance from the sin of pornography. Jesus saw lusting in the heart as being like adultery (Matt. 5:28), and pornography is certainly lusting in the heart.

We need to fall on our knees before God for His Spirit to strengthen our resolve to resist this temptation and deliver us from the evil one.

The enemy would love nothing more than to keep us in this pigpen of sin so that our faith would be shaken.

4. SET BOUNDARIES

Pluck Out the Eye… This sounds harsh, but when Jesus said “if your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. It is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire” (Matt. 18:8), He was speaking in hyperbolic language or using extreme exaggeration to make a point.

His point is to take extreme measures to get rid of the source of the sin, so if you get your source of pornography on the Internet, get rid of it, or at least find someone you trust to help you set up an Internet filter that’s password protected.

PORNOGRAPHY HAS NO POWER OVER YOU!

Every one of us is still sin (1 John 1:8, 10), but every one of us can confess our sins and be cleansed from all of our unrighteousness, including pornography (1 John 1:9).

God doesn’t want us to wallow in our sins but to struggle and overcome them.

The good news is that if someone is battling an addiction to pornography and they hate it, that gives clear evidence of the Holy Spirit’s working in them. It’s good to be in a battle over it because this shows their heart’s desire is to live a holy, pure life before God.

Lessons Learnt From My Ex-girlfriends

While a lot of guys may not be so quick to admit it, I have been dumped by some women over the years. Perhaps you have, too; maybe not. Either way, I'm a firm believer in learning from the mistakes of the past and other people.

With that in mind, I'd like to share some things that I have learned from the women who have dumped me, in the hopes that it will help your relationship go more smoothly.

Lesson #1: SHARE AND SHARE ALIKE
What this means is that each person is likely to blame the other for the break up. But the truth is that you both contributed to the break up in some way. By taking an honest look at what went wrong, and your role in it, you can make a conscious effort to avoid making the same mistakes in the future.

Lesson #2: WOMEN STILL NEED THEIR SPACE
As a guy it may seem that women always like to snuggle and cuddle when they are around. But they also need some time alone. To make things worse, a lot of guys can be possessive and try to know what their partner is up to at all times.

And if you have had a woman that was unfaithful in the past, then this tendency is even stronger, however, by doing this you are showing distrust, and no relationship can survive in that kind of atmosphere. 

So, even though it can be hard, do your best to let your girlfriend do the things she likes to do, and don't feel that you always have to give her the third degree about what she's doing.

Lesson #3: TIME HEALS
The first few days after a break up are the absolute worst. After that, you will start to come to terms with what happened. Sure, there will emotional ups and downs, but it will get easier as time goes on.

If it doesn't, then it may be a good idea to see a qualified counselor to help you. You can also use this pain in the future by reminding yourself it's easier to work on the tough problems while you are in the relationship than to suffer through a break up.

Lesson #4: ACCEPT THE FACTS
When first starting a relationship, you may feel as if you have found your soulmate. You were even imagining a wonderful future together, and may have even talked about it.

But, over time, things start to go downhill. You start to wonder what you ever saw in her, and she probably feels the same way about you. Then you break up. 

Now you don't just feel bad about splitting up, you also feel bad about missing out on the future you imagined. However, remember that it's better to end things now if it really wasn't meant to be.

Lesson #5: HAPPINESS ISN'T AN ACCIDENT
To put it another way: Relationship doesn't happen like that, it takes work. You can't just let stuff happen to you, you have to take responsibility for making it what you want it to be. This may be the most important lesson of all.

To Be Continued...

BUT THE GREATEST OF THESE IS LOVE PT. 4

Rue sighed as she stared out the window and admired the beautiful sunset. Reliving memories was where she found solace, it was her happy place. She picked up from where she left off and decided to audio journal. Rue tapped the record button on her laptop and began talking…

“For years I enjoyed the prestigious lifestyle my boyfriend offered me. I foolishly believed him when he told me that he would marry me. Well, that never happened because he dumped me. As usual, I ran to my best friend and cried nonstop on his shoulder. He assured me that he wasn’t going anywhere and everything would be okay. His comforting words made me cry even harder because I knew that he had every right to say: I told you so. He told me to leave that guy because this would happen. I heard him, but I didn’t listen. He held me a little tighter and let me cry until I tired myself out and given myself a terrible headache.”

He saw in me the hidden parts of my soul that even I couldn’t see.

“For as long as I can remember, my late husband was always a part of my family; he and I were truly best friends. He was the very voice of reason that I needed, but always objected because his truths went against every selfish want and desire I welcomed into my life. He saw in me the hidden parts of my soul that even I couldn’t see. He never gave up on me and continuously pushed me to become a better version of myself, holistically. He encouraged me to never settle for any form of  mediocrity in my life.”

“After my breakup and throughout my healing process, he refused to allow my spirit to remain broken. He spoke words of  affirmation over me and words of life into my soul. He prayed over me when I couldn’t express to God what I was feeling or even thinking. He covered me; if it weren’t for him, I wouldn’t have healed. My healing process lasted for three years; on the day of  my restoration, he asked me to enter into a committed relationship with him. We dated and when I was ready to commit to him in marriage, he proposed and married me.”

Rue continued to record her thoughts. “By this time in my life, I was able to see the potential he saw in me all along. I was no longer afraid of possibly failing if I stepped out on faith. This life, my new life, became my reality! I was ready to walk in my purpose boldly and unashamedly. The best part of it was having by my side the man who saw things coming into fruition for me many years before they happened. God allowed me to marry my best friend, and I loved my husband with every fiber in my body.”

I didn’t love him for what he could do for me. I loved him for everything he was to me throughout my lifetime.

“Society loves to place a gauge on love and marriage. You see, when you set the bar low with boundaries and stipulations in your marriage, you diminish the institution in its entirety. Your minimum efforts becomes your highest standard and anything done above that level: you label as ‘putting in hard work.’  Now you’re wondering: Is he really worth it…Is she really worth it? Do I want to remain with her or Do I want to remain with him ‘til death do us part? All of this points to value and whether or not you value your mate.”

“Individually, each person chooses how to solidify their marriage. For us, God solidified ours. We maintained our relationship with Christ individually and as a unit. This key component led us to understand the importance of valuing one another. The value my late husband and I placed on each other was high and neither one of us had a desire to step outside of our marriage. I can say this because we discussed this with one another honestly and openly. We accepted and loved one another for whom we were individually, not for whom we needed to be according to society’s list of guidelines…”

The tap on Rue’s bedroom door interrupted her recording. Naima opened the door, peaked her head in and whispered, “He called you, so I invited him over….he’s dressed  nicely and is waiting for you in the guest room.” “Who?” Rue asked. “Oh, and he’s joining us for dinner too,” Naima whispered. “Who!?” Rue asked. Naima smiled and quickly shut the door…

Look out for the next installment of this short story series.