30 Things You Need To Forgive Your Partner For Today

Sometimes you just need to let go of the little things.
Welcome to 30 Days Of Love, our one-month initiative to bring you closer to the love you deserve just in time for Valentine’s Day. Today, we’re shining the spotlight on forgiveness — and its role in a fulfilling relationship.

Bernard Meltzer once said, “When you forgive, you in no way change the past — but you sure do change the future.” While forgiveness isn’t always easy, it’s an integral part of everyone’s lives; without it, it’s nearly impossible to live a productive, happy life. And without forgiveness in a relationship, it’s nearly impossible to have a healthy, growing partnership.

Here are some things — big and small — that you should forgive your partner for by Valentines Day.

1. Leaving the lights on. Yes, it’s annoying and it drives up the electric bill, but we all sometimes let it slip our minds. Plus, he might have just forgotten because he was on his way to snuggle with you.

2. Speaking of which, don’t get overly mad if he left the fridge open by accident. Close it and move on.

3. Spoiling the ending of Breaking Bad. You were going to find out the ending eventually.

4. Accidentally not introducing you as his or her partner. Yes, this can be frustrating to many people, but sometimes intros are awkward and proper “titles” don’t get said; it’s nothing to be too offended by.

5. The fight you had last week. This is a personal struggle for me, as I have a very difficult time forgetting recent hurtful words and tend to bring them up, which only progresses the argument further. Letting these things go allows the healing to begin.

6. Forgetting to call after he gets home from the bar.

7. Forgetting to call before bed, in general. Haven’t we all had that moment where sleeping “five minutes” just seems so appealing, and we were sure waking up to talk would be easy? But then, naturally, it was not.

8. Leaving the dishes in the sink. They’ll get cleaned tomorrow; it’s not worth fighting over.

9. Not making the bed. See #8.

10. Saying something embarrassing while drunk. We’ve all been there.

11. Or worse, doing something embarrassing while drunk. Chances are, your partner is more embarrassed than you are. Provided he wasn’t hurtful, cruel or deliberately malicious, then forgiving them for dancing a little too much in public is probably all right.

12. Forgetting an important date. Besides your birthday, which you can be totally mad about).

13. Reading ahead of you in Game of Thrones. You’ll catch up.

14. Responding to his ex’s text. Yes, this one takes definite context to determine whether or not it’s something that’s an issue, but if your partner just happened to respond politely or kindly to his ex if she was in need, then don’t hold it against him. Being nice is one of the reasons you like him, right? So, he may just be trying to be nice to somebody whose well being he once deeply cared about.

15. Stealing the covers throughout the night.

16. Doing an ill-advised prank that you did not find particularly pleasant or funny. Example: snow down the back of the shirt.

17. Genuinely forgetting to disable his online dating profile. Obviously, if it was on purpose, then that’s a whole other story; if it was an accident and no messages have been sent since your relationship began, then let him disable it and let it go.

18. Tagging an unflattering photo of you on Facebook. Detag and let it slide.

19. Falling asleep during s*x. Yes, this is awful and yes, it is embarrassing, but if your partner has had an exhausting day, it’s indeed possible and you should just let him sleep rather than making him feel terrible about it (provided it’s not a regular occurrence).

20. Dating people before you two got together. Your partner probably went out with other human beings besides you prior to knowing, interacting with, and falling for you. Don’t make him feel bad about this because it has very little, if anything at all, to do with your current relationship.

21. Singing along to Ke$ha every time she comes on the radio. Come on, as bad as his voice is, it’s kind of funny.

22. Having a not-cool friend. By “not cool,” I mean somebody who is not a particularly nice nor friendly person. This may frustrate you, but you can’t control your partner nor his friend’s behavior, so it’s best to discuss what upsets you personally with your partner rather than blaming him for anything.

23. And on that note, having a not-cool family. You may love your partner, but perhaps his family is full of mean, gossipy jerks. Provided he doesn’t try to tear you down with him, just remember that the two of you are on the same side.

24. Getting you sick during flu season. It was inevitable.

25. Making fun of you about something silly. It made me really angry when an ex joked about my legs being fuzzy because it hurt my feelings and I took it as a criticism. Even after he explained it was just a joke about my love for cats (or something like that), I wound up feeling really self conscious and taking it out on him.

26. Not being your plus-one to everything. If he’s busy, he’s busy, and you cannot get angry about him not coming with you to everything you attend.

27. Taking the last cookie.

28. …And then eating all the Ben & Jerry’s, too. Borderline unforgivable, I know.

29. Doing something odd with his hair. I’ve met several adults who scrutinize their partners’ looks and tell them they’re ugly with certain hair, makeup or clothes. If he gets a bad haircut, he gets a bad haircut; there’s no use holding it against him like it pertains to you.

30. The fight you had last year. If you’ve been together a long time, chances are you know what it’s like to have old fight memories tucked away in your brain until suddenly, you remember something horrible he said back in 2012 and you’re in that moment, just as angry as before. Instead, try to concentrate on the present and remind yourselves that forgiving one another, you are only doing something wonderful for yourselves and each other.

The 5 Types Of Guys Girls Fall In Love With

The list goes thus;

Perhaps in another lifetime you were perfect together…but not this one.

2) The First Love. Also commonly known as “The High School Sweetheart.” This boy is the Kevin to your Winnie. The Cory to your Topanga. The Dawson to your Joey. Sweet, innocent, idealistic…this is the stuff coming-of-age movies are made of. The First Love is probably the first boy you’ll ever kiss. (Or at least the first one you’ll kiss and feel the earth move.) He probably plays a sport and wears a letterman jacket.

1) The One That Could Have Been (But the Timing Was Always Off). Maybe you met him while one of you was already in a relationship. Maybe every time you started to get close, life or work or something else completely unexpected came between you. 

Maybe it was simply God watching out for you, because He knows the two of you burned too brightly together to ever sustain a lasting spark.

3) The Bad Boy. This one will probably steal your heart in your early 20’s, in those years when you’re trying to figure out who you are and who you want to be, and discovering your wings seems to come with a side of rebellion. You’ll think you can change him, but you can’t. (And secretly, you won’t want to, because if you did, he’d no longer be the boy who stole your heart). He’ll make you cry as much or more as he makes you laugh. Underneath it all, you suspect he has a heart of gold…and he probably does…but it will take years and many women after you to uncover it.

4) The One That Got Away. This boy will seem perfect…and secretly, you suspect he is. He’ll say all the right things, do all the right things, be the very picture of everything you ever imagined you wanted…except now that you have it, you question if you’re ready for that kind of perfection. And chances are, you’re not. Life knows when you’re ready. GOD knows when you’re ready. So even though The One That Got Away offers you everything you thought you wanted, he offers nothing you KNOW you need. And what you need is more time. Time to date other boys you’ll like but won’t love. Time to not date at all and just figure out who YOU are.

Except you didn’t.

5) The One. I haven’t met this one yet. I like to think he’s a mix of the four loves that came before him. I like to think he’s sweet and steadfast like The First Love, and passionate and challenging like The One That Could Have Been, and a little wild and rough around the edges like The Bad Boy, with the heart for commitment and building a life together like The One That Got Away. I like to think he’s all of them and none of them, all at the same time. I like to think he personifies this list and also erases it…using the scattered pieces of my heart he gently reclaims from each of them as the eraser.

5 Signs That Tell Your Partner Doubts You

Couples, who have been in a relationship for a while, often tend to act more casually around each other. Asromance takes a backseat, suspicions begin to crawl in. Doubts in a relationship often go unnoticed. It takes a long time to see behind the façade and know that your partner doubts you. So, let us tell you about the signs that will help you check out if your partner doubts you and your commitment towards the relationship.

1. Turn around and they are there

No matter where you look, you always find your partner hovering around. At first you think it is sweet that you keep running into each other, but think again. If you keep catching up with them, everywhere you go, then you can safely read that as a sign that your partner has successfully turned into a stalker. To confirm your suspicions, drop in some casual hints about where you are going and then check whether your partner drops in, without telling you.

2. Possessive interrogation
Has your partner started asking questions like “whom were you talking to?” or “with whom did you go out?” or “why you are so late?” If the answer is yes, then congratulations, you have won yourself a possessive partner who doubts you. You don’t have to confirm any suspicions in such a situation, once you come face-to-face with the same volley of question you will realise it, sooner or later.

3. Tiptoes around your virtual life
Does your partner stealthily keeps a tab on your social networking profile and updates? If yes, then surely he or she will not be able to fight the urge of checking your phone, whenever you are not around. Your partner may even go one step further to check out your received and sent emails. So, next time your partner asks you about your last status update or about the people messaging you, it is time for you to realise that he or she doubts you.

4. Changing temperament
If your partner doubts you then you will often find him or her stressed and nervous. Flaring temper with unnecessary talks and taunts becomes a common scene in your love life. Suspicious and sarcastic tone, along with illogical fight topics and asking odd questions are very common signs that your partner’s behavioural change is directly tuned with his or her trust issues.

5. Involving friends and family
Does your partner call your friends to enquire about you? Does he or she drop by your home or work place for surprise visits? These are some common signs of doubt. Your partner may casually keep talking to your friends about your social life, emphasising on your friends of opposite s*x.

These doubts only develop out of insecurity in the relationship. So, it is important that you make your partner understand his or her importance in your life.

10 Ways To Boost Your Self-Esteem

Let’s be honest, we all have days that leave us questioning ourselves in one way or another. It has been said many times that people are their own worst critics. Self-esteem, however, is very important in our day-to-day lives.

A strong self-esteem determine how we will interact with others, and what choices we make in the span of a day. Here are a few simple suggestions on how you can boost your self-esteem.

1. Focus on good traits. Look in the mirror in the morning and find five things that you like about your appearance. Ignore the ugly stuff and really look to see what is appealing about you and what makes you unique. Be proud of those things.

2. Dress with confidence. Our clothes say a lot about who we are and can dictate how people form first impressions of us. Dress in colors and styles that make you feel comfortable and confident. Look around at the people around you who appear to have high self-confidence, and look at what they are wearing.

3. Eat a healthy diet. Food does more than just fill you up, it delivers vital nutrients to all parts of your body. By eating a balanced diet, you are giving your body the opportunity to have beautiful skin, silky hair and everything else that a person wants.

4. Exercise. Of course we have all heard this a million times, but we need to be honest with ourselves: Exercise is very important for our physical health as well as our mental health. Exercising naturally releases endorphins in our brains which makes us feel better about ourselves and life, in general.

5. Think positively about your life. Look around you and find the things that you are grateful for and focus on those things. Stop dwelling on the negative things in your life and learn to be happy.

6. Smile. Smiling has been shown to increase a person’s happiness. This simple act of smiling can help you feel more confident and improve how others interact with you.

7. Find ways to change. Identify the things you don’t like about yourself and write them down. This may seem counterintuitive, but by identifying those things you don’t like, you can start to change them. You are in control of your own life and have the power to change it.

8. Go outside of your comfort zone. People get stuck in ruts; with going to work or school and doing the same routine every day. Mix it up a little and do things that you might normally not do.

9. Join a group in the community. Find a group to join, whether it is a book club, aerobics class or a mommy group. Start meeting new people who can recognize the great things about you and who can build you up.

10. Get plenty of sleep, but not too much. Make sure you are getting an adequate amount of sleep every night. Sleep resets our bodies, minds and souls. You will wake up feeling more refreshed and energetic.

A healthy self-esteem can change our outlook on a number of things. You owe it to yourself to invest time in developing a happy perspective on life and a strong self-esteem to support it.

5 Things To Say The Next Time Someone Asks Why You Aren’t Married

I took a stab here at what goes on in the mind of an unmarried girl when she’s asked this question. Unmarried guys, feel free to relate (or not).

1. We are waiting for that someone we can live with and can’t live without. Cheesy, but true! While some people meet this person early on in life and are thus spared the social nag, not everyone has the same life path, and this is where problems start. Some girls would prefer to be with no one rather than end up with the wrong one, regardless of how old they are. But as we age and find ourselves still without a partner, it starts to seem that we are falling away from that unified, one-size-fits-all master plan and that we are wasting our lives. Some of us give in to the pressure to settle… and some of us don’t.

2. Some people think of marriage as the future insurance policy that frees them from doubt and regret. I beg to differ.
Marriage does not extinguish regret and it doesn’t transform a man you don’t really love into “The One.” Marriage is not a spell that kills demons of regret and doubt. Choosing someone for the sake of getting married now and falling out of “love” in a few years merits as much regret (if not more) than wasting opportunities on dating the wrong person.

Unless you have something great that you are completely, entirely and wholeheartedly convinced of, mentally and emotionally, guilt and doubt will start creeping up and marriage will not magically change things. So, if regret is inevitable in the logic of some, at least let people choose what to regret!

3. Some people are not married yet because they value marriage a lot. Remember the quote in the movie “27 Dresses”? “I think you want a wedding, not a marriage, a wedding.” This is exactly what some people delaying marriage do not want. They don’t want the idea of getting married; they want a strong andhealthy marriage. People generalize that those who aren’t married are the ones who don’t appreciate settling down and being committed. It could be that those people understand the concept so well that they want to make sure they choose correctly.

Those who take their time are aware that life is not only about the wedding, the honeymoon and the first couple of years, and they are realistic enough to understand that love doesn’t come after you get married — well at least not the kind of love they want. They understand that things will get real and that “for better and worse” is literal and should last a lifetime.

4. We teach our girls to be dependent because of an entrenched social belief that women can’t or shouldn’t do it all alone. Well, some girls (this one included) were taught differently! When the nagging subject is a man, he is being pressured because society wants him to procreate, while with women, society wants them to be safe. We socially accept the fact that men have every right to choose when to get married — when he is ready and when he has accomplished and seen enough. Women, however, are forced to start racing towards the golden cage, not trained to listen to their needs or wants or to even choose the pace of their own life, believing they have to secure themselves a partner, no matter the cost. Instead of believing in the potential of our girls, encouraging them to work, find a career they love, find a purpose in life, find their strengths and use them for the greater benefit, we make them believe that the journey to knowledge is over with a BA and that the next mission is to get married. If a guy comes along, a girl should consider him, regardless of what her plans are. Of course if we keep doing this to our girls, they will most definitely be incapable of doing it alone.

5. Getting married is a choice, and any choice is a trade-off.
Like Sheryl Sandberg said in the final chapter of Lean In and professor Joan Williams’s theory of Gender Wars, maybe we aren’t all entirely comfortable with all of our decisions. I doubt any of us is 100% confident in everything we are doing. As a result, we unconsciously hold that discomfort against those who remind us of the path not taken. Guilt and insecurity make us second-guess ourselves and, in turn, judge one another and our decisions, and this is harmful.

It seems to me that society pushes the idea of getting married to an extent where our judgment gets clouded and we start downplaying the negative opportunity cost — what you choose to let go of or put up with — and we end up fixated on getting married, no matter what.

Is this all? Certainly not! Would it satisfy the asker? Probably not. Would it give them a headache? Definitely, and if you are lucky, they will secretly realize that maybe they should ask you about your favorite color instead, or not!

SEX AND THE YOUTH

SEX AND THE YOUTH

The world constantly popularizes and perverts sex in books, magazines, movies and "entertainment" in general.

Our culture is prideful of its sexual openness. Premarital and extramarital affairs of every variety are no longer "shameful" but are now celebrated.

Religious or not, 86 percent of unmarried young adults (ages 18-29) in the Nigeria have had sex, 78 percent have had sex in the last year, and 55 percent are in a current sexual relationship. Almost 7 percent of teen girls (ages 15-19) become pregnant each year, amounting to more than 400,000 live births annually just in Nigeria. The most recent study shows that three quarters of all unplanned pregnancies are to single women age 29 and younger. And statistics are similar in other Western nations.

Of course, unplanned pregnancies are only one of the consequences of wrong sexual thinking by young men and women in society today. It should be obvious that the prevalent attitude about premarital and extramarital sex in the culture around us leads to many problems.

The sad news is that Christians may pretend to hold the moral high ground on sex, but even young Christians are buying into the message that sex outside of marriage is okay. Many still do see sex outside of marriage as wrong, but they are viewed by many others as archaic and out of touch.

Is the belief that sex should be reserved for marriage too rigid? The right question to ask is: What is God's view about sex, and what should our response be?

IS SEX SIN?

God's Word, the Bible, is very frank about sex. God inspired the recording of certain wrong examples of sexual behaviour: King David committed adultery with Bathsheba; Lot had a wrong relationship with his daughters; Samson had a wanton eye and lustful attitude toward women, which cost him his eyes and his life. These illustrate the severe consequences that can come with sex outside of marriage.

SEX itself, which God designed, IS NOT A SIN. It's the misuse of sex that's sinful.

Here's what God intended for marriage and sex which must be in that order:

1.            In the beginning He made humankind male and female for a reason (Genesis 1:27).

2.            He made the first two human beings, Adam and Eve, husband and wife that is, "one      flesh" (Genesis 2:24).

3.            He blessed them and told them to fill the earth with their family which implied and required sex in marriage (Genesis 1:28).

4.            The sexual union in marriage is meant to be "honourable" (Hebrews 13:4).

5.            We know that God was talking about a sexual union because he inspired Paul the apostle to write that a sexual relationship outside of marriage brings about a similar but immoral one-flesh union. (1 Corinthians 6:16).

Again, sex itself is not the problem. God in His divine love gave mankind this powerful, wonderful relationship. The problem is when something designed for our good is used selfishly and wrongly. God tells us to wait for our sexual relationship until the right time in our own marriage: "Do not let love be moved till it is ready" (Song of Solomon 2:7, Bible in Basic English). It isn't ready, and it isn't righteous, until the wedding vows are exchanged!

SEXUAL HORMONES & DIVORCE

Very powerful hormones are released during the sexual bonding God built into marriage. If an individual engages in sex outside of marriage, those hormones are still triggered, but the bonding effect divinely intended for just one mate of the opposite sex is tragically minimized and weakened.

The longer this behaviour continues the harder it becomes for a person to commit to a marriage partner for life. And so, sexual immorality contributes to the high divorce rate as evidenced in Western nations. Even those who profess to follow the Bible divorce at roughly the same rate (about 32 percent of first-time marriages) as those who have no Christian connection.

SEX & ABORTION

Another downside to the wrong use of sex is that almost half of women in the Western nations will abort at least one baby at some point in their lifetimes. Those who profess Christianity in Nigeria are also involved, since 28 percent of women getting an abortion identify themselves as Catholic, and 37 percent identify themselves as Protestant.

This means that in Nigeria alone women who identify themselves as Christian contribute heavily to the approximately 1.2 million abortions per year.

KEEPING SEX SACRED

From the statistics we can see that too many "Christians" also engage in wrong sexual behaviour. What can we do to find sexual purity in our lives and families?

God gave sex to mankind not only to procreate, but to build a strong marriage relationship as a sacred uniona special and unique physical relationship illustrating for us the mystery of the relationship between Christ and those in His Church (Ephesians 5:30-32). Why profane something so beautiful and holy?

Calling wrong behaviour sin may seem uncomfortable, but it gets the point across to yourself and others. Practice and expect behaviour that follows God's standards. Of those teens and young adults not having sex before marriage, 41 percent of girls and 31 percent of boys gave as a reason for their abstinence that sex outside of marriage was "against my religion or morals"

If you are engaged in wrong sexual behaviour stop. This is the first step to repentance meaning to think differently, to change your mind and actions. Jesus told a woman who was caught in adultery to "go and sin no more" (John 8:2-11). He says the same thing to us now. Remember that God will forgive us when we repent and sincerely desire to change.

Rule your sexual desires and express that desire only when the time comes in the holy setting of your own marriages God intended. Although sex can drive powerful emotions and desires, there is no record of anyone dying because they didn't have sex! As with any sin, we must rule our desires so we don't suffer the consequences of that sinful behaviour. God told this to Cain, but Cain had filled himself with so much misdirected anger that he ignored God, murdered his brother Abel and suffered the severe consequences (Genesis 4:3-12).

The world sells a message of unrestricted sex and that it is not sin. Don't buy it! Reject films, shows, comedy or other entertainments that glorify illicit sex or that ridicule marriage and family. Reject any involvement in pornography. Get counselling help if you need it. Jesus Christ loves you and wants you in His family in the Kingdom of God.

For deeper understanding of sex and the marriage relationship, Contact Vector of Christ

I LOVE HER

These words (along with "I love him!" for the girls) have probably served as the justification for more life altering decisions than can be counted. But have we stopped to ask ourselves what those words really mean?

"What," in the immortal words of Alexander Nestor Haddaway's 1993 hit song, "is love?"

Tragic Misunderstanding Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet has often been hailed as the greatest love story ever told. Two young lovers, in their desire to be with one another against the wishes of their feuding families, ultimately take their own lives, each unwilling to endure the cold, hopeless wasteland of a life without the other.

And it's all very touching and sentimental until you take a second look and realize that the whole story unfolds over the span of a whopping four days. Did the two teenaged "star-cross'd lovers" really have a chance to get to know each other? They married the day after they meet, and two days later they are willing to kill themselves over the loss of a person who, to their knowledge, didn't exist just five days before.

It's hard to disagree that Shakespeare's lines about love are beautiful: "With love's light wings did I o'er-perch these walls; for stony limits cannot hold love out," for example. But it's even harder to argue that his leading characters ever understood what these statements really meant.

We should consider that the approach Romeo and Juliet took toward "love" in Shakespeare's play bears a striking resemblance to the approach many take today, if slightly exaggerated.

Movies may tell us we're helpless when it comes to falling in love. But the reality is we can rule over our emotions and make wise choices.

The Love Chapter

The apostle Paul, under inspiration from God, wrote a passage in a letter to the Christians in the city of Corinth that has come to be known as "the love chapter." It provides an explanation of what true, Godly love is at its core. Among other things, we are told: "Love is patient and kind. Love is not jealous or boastful or proud…Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance" (1 Corinthians 13:4,7, New Living Translation ).

Does that sound like what Romeo and Juliet had? Was Romeo really thinking about what was best for Juliet when he decided to secretly marry the 13-year-old? By the biblical definition, what they felt wasn't love. It was something else.

How many real-life examples of the same thing have you seen? The words "I love you" are tossed around like a crumpled piece of paper and carry about the same weight for most people. All the expressions of love are there, but so many throw in the towel in a relationship when things stop going the way they want. That's not love. Love "does not behave rudely, does not seek its own, is not provoked, thinks no evil. (1 Corinthians 13:5, 8).

The simple truth of the matter is that our modern world has confused love with infatuation. Think about it: Almost every time we hear love referenced in popular culture, it's something people fall into unexpectedly, accidentally.  All of a sudden your heart is aflutter and you feel an intense attraction to another person. That pounding in your chest sounds like "love at first sight" rather than "raging hormones." But the Bible makes it clear that godly love is a conscious choice one makes, an action, not an accident.

Jack Scruggs, a mental health therapist in the United Church of God with degrees from both the University of Oregon and Oregon State University, declares the dividing line between love and infatuation as simple as one word feelings.

"Infatuation offers the possibilities of feeling good when affections are returned in kind, feeling bad when those affections are spurned," Scruggs says. "Infatuation is mostly concerned with feelings."

So what does this mean about love versus infatuation? Scruggs continues: "The direction of infatuation is inward. The direction of love is outward. Infatuation is most often temporary and depends on reciprocation to survive. Love stands alone, depending on nothing for its survival. Love is an imitation of God, while infatuation is a recognition of our attraction for the opposite sex. LOVE IS A WAY OF LIFE."

We do have a choice. Love isn't just some accident we have no control over. These writers say these things and tell fictional stories as so-called proof. Then people believe them, and their lives get ruined

Many people believe the myth that you can't choose whom you love. They miss the happiness that could light up their lives. The idea of "accidental love" simply isn't true! You have much more control than you think. Choices in love are tied to making choices with your time.

WHAT IS LOVE?

To make choices about love, we need to understand what love is. You may already disagree with me because you have "fallen in love," and it does seem to come out of nowhere and to be completely beyond control. Everyone experiences that at some time or another, and it's a wonderful, exhilarating thing. But there's more to love than that!

Webster's New Universal Unabridged Dictionary lists 24 different definitions under the entry "love." Obviously the word is used in many different ways.

The base definition is "a feeling of warm personal attachment," but we often intend this one: "profoundly tender or passionate affection for a person of the opposite sex." And we'll focus on this shortly. Of course, used as a verb, to love is to experience such feelings. Let's look beyond dictionaries, though, to understand that love, real deep love is more than a feeling.

The apostle John wrote what could be called a Bible definition of love when it comes to our relationship with God: "This is love: that we walk according to His [God's] commandments” (2 John 6, emphasis added throughout).

Inward feeling and motivation must translate into action. As John also wrote, "Let us not love in word or tongue, but in deed and in truth"

(1 John 3:18).

In other words, "Talk is cheap; you show love by what you do." Doing something requires a commitment of a portion of our limited time. A song from a while back contains these words in the chorus: "It’s more than words, it’s more than what you say. It's the things you do...”

That's where we all have some control and can make choices. Sometimes it seems impossible to control your feelings, but when you control what you do with your time, that powerfully controls how you feel. Yes, even when it comes to falling in love.

LOVE WHOM AND WHEN?

The most important things we should control when it comes to romantic love is whom to love and when to do so. A lot of people think falling in love only happens by accident. Sneaking up and hitting them over the head when they aren't looking. Being attracted to someone may happen that way, but developing feelings of love takes more time. You can't have romantic love for someone you don't know, and you can't get to know someone unless you spend time with him or her. So the first key to choosing whom you love is choosing whom you spend your time with and how you do it.

In almost all cases, it's best to prepare for a career before committing to marriage. Falling in love too soon has caused many young men and women to drop out of college, or settle for an inferior career in order to be with that someone special.

It's better to decide in advance at what stage of life romance will be best for you. Then, wait until then to date or spend lots of time with any one person of the opposite sex. In the Bible, King Solomon advised that we not wake up love until the time is right (see Song of Solomon 8:4). Meanwhile, spend time with a wide variety of people. Learn what traits are most compatible with you. Then when that right time comes, you'll know the type of person to be devoting your time to.

This can be hard. If you sense strong feelings of attraction developing toward someone, you may have to force yourself to spend less time with that person until the time is right. Otherwise, you may be giving up the choice that should be yours to make with a clearer head. You choose whom you might love by choosing whom you spend time with.

You don't need to keep your motivations a secret. Telling a person openly that you like him or her but aren't ready to have a deeper relationship will benefit you both. It could even keep a path open to that other person when the right time comes. The other side of this, of course, is that you can't choose how another person will feel about you but that's a topic for another time.

Controlling the type of person you spend time with is vital to choosing the person you'll fall in love with, even more than when it will happen. Love usually starts with mutual attraction, but it can only grow on a basis of common interests, shared standards and similar goals.

Some of these traits are more important than others. A man who likes rock-n-roll can build a happy marriage with a girl who loves country music. But when a man and woman allow themselves to fall in love while fundamentally disagreeing on things like religion, politics or even financial habits, they're setting themselves up to become like the characters on television who seem to suffer so much for love.

It's way better to fall in love in the first place with someone who makes a good match for you. TV writers may say that you can't choose whom you love, but you can or at least you can choose whom you won't love.

If a potential love interest holds different values than you, don't give him or her much of your time no matter how attractive he or she is. Otherwise, you may soon be in tears wondering why you couldn't choose to love someone who was a good match. You can choose by choosing whom you spend time with. It may be a tough choice, but it's well worth making. Wise choices about your time make wise choices about love and future marriage.

HEARTPRINTS

HEARTPRINTS

Whatever our hands touch

we leave fingerprints.

On walls, furniture, doorknobs, dishes, books.

There’s no escape

As we touch we leave our identity.

Oh God, wherever I go today

help me leave heartprints.

Heartprints of compassion,

Of understanding and love.

Heartprints of kindness

and genuine concern.

May my heart touch

a lovely neighbour ,

or a runaway daughter,

or an anxious mother,

or perhaps even a friend.

Lord send me out today

to leave heartprints.

And if someone should say

“I felt your touch”.

May that one sense YOUR LOVE

touching them through ME!

BABY STEPS TO SUCCESS

Whenever we go for a seminar, some of the gurus out there will tell you what you are going to hear will change your life, but is it true that after undergoing a seminar for a day will change your life? Probably not! You need consistent actions, daily planning and goal setting to get to where you want to be, not a one-time event. You can be fire walking on the day of seminar and still turn out to be the same person you are the day before.

You don’t have to be a genius to be successful. Bill Gates and Warren Buffet didn’t attend Harvard. Bill Gates dropped out of it and Warren Buffet was rejected entry, now see where they are today. Warren Buffet even said this to a MBA student before, “If you are so smart, why am I so rich?”

You may say they have talent for the fields they are in, but who is not born with talents? Everybody are born with talents and it is just a matter of discovering and redefining it. For whatever  you want  to become, just bite off a little everyday.

Let’s state an example... You are failing your maths and failing miserably. You decided to make an effort to be better in your maths and dedicated 30 minutes a day to practice it. In a day or two, you won’t see any difference. But in a week, you will see you are getting better; in a month, you are good. In 3 months you are one of the best and in a year you will be the genius that everyone will revere of asking why are you so smart? The answer? One step at a time. Just a little of everyday can ensure that you will turn out better than you are now.

What if you want instant success and you think that a year will be too long for you? There is no known techniques that guarantee you instant success and if one year is too long, it is going to bet by anyway. So why waste it?

So, to achieve results:

Ø  Set goals

Ø  Break down overwhelming goal

Ø  Consistent actions.

Set goals that are able to stretch you if the goal is overwhelming, remember one step at a time. Break it out into small pieces and accomplish them consistently. Guaranteed technique to achieve what you want.

CAN I KISS MY BOYFRIEND?

Different cultures have established various customs over the centuries with regard to kissing. For example, in Old Testament times it was customary for family members to kiss each other, much as it is in many cultures today. In fact, the first reference to kissing in the Bible is in Genesis 27:26 when Isaac asked his son Jacob to come kiss him. Many cultures today continue the practice of what might be called a "peck on the cheek" as a sign of affection between family members. Since this is recorded so often in the Bible, it is obvious God is not against this display of family closeness. It is also fairly generally recognized that a kiss on the lips especially a long kiss is a part of sexual activity and tends to arouse feelings of desire for closer intimacy. Once this type of kissing begins, there is a natural progression toward wanting to touch and caress further and ultimately toward full sexual intimacy. God designed this human response for the purpose of helping bond people together within marriage. Modern sex researchers have described what they call a "pleasure bond" that is formed during sexual intimacy. They have also discovered that this bond exists only within a monogamous relationship. The Bible describes this as a beautiful part of what God desires within marriage. See Proverbs 5:15-20 for example, which warns against sexual involvement with someone other than your spouse. When sex is used outside of marriage, as it is so often today, God calls it fornication (if the person is not married) or adultery (if the person is married). Either way it is against God's instructions. In the New Testament, the apostle Paul put it this way: "Flee sexual immorality. Every sin that a man does is outside the body, but he who commits sexual immorality sins against his own body. Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God's" (1 Corinthians 6:18-20). Since Christians belong to God, they are expected to keep themselves pure sexually, which means they should only engage in sex within marriage. Kissing is often the starting point for getting involved in sexual relations because once you begin, there are very powerful hormones and desires that are awakened that sometimes overpower the mind and lead people to sexual intimacy. Again, when sex is done outside of marriage, God calls it sin. So while God does not specifically give detailed instructions about kissing, it is clear from His instructions that passionate kissing does not belong outside of marriage, regardless of our background.