HOW CAN GOD FORGET ABOUT ME?

 If you’ve ever been in a tough situation and wondered…

“How Can God Forget About Me?“

I have the answer for you. God can not and will not forget about you.

Why?…

Because He created you, which means He wrote the book of your life at the moment of creation. Every detail of your life, God knows about. So that creative idea you’re afraid to start working on, He knows about that. The desire in your heart that you’ve been carrying around for years, that you feel God hasn’t acknowledged, He is totally aware of that too.

He knows. God is our heavenly father, which means, He is our parent. He takes care of us, He knows what we need, and when we will need it. He has provided for and protected us at times when we didn’t even know that we needed Him. That definitely doesn’t sound like a God who forgets about His children.

I think we need to make it a daily habit to remind ourselves of all the things God has done for us. God doesn’t forget about us, but we often forget about how He has made a way for us throughout our lives.

When we are able to recall the many blessings God has showered on us, we get into a mind-frame of gratitude. Then gratitude opens the door to seeing life with a totally different perspective.

God’s abundance resides in our gratitude. There are so many possibilities, when we are just grateful for what we have.  Through that gratitude, we learn to be content in our circumstances (not to be confused with complacent), because we are 100% confident in who God is and His timing in our lives.

Here are some scriptures to meditate on, when you feel like God has forgotten about you.

Think on positive things- Philippians 4:8-9 

Summing it all up, friends, I’d say you’ll do best by filling your minds and meditating on things true, noble, reputable, authentic, compelling, gracious—the best, not the worst; the beautiful, not the ugly; things to praise, not things to curse. Put into practice what you learned from me, what you heard and saw and realized. Do that, and God, who makes everything work together, will work you into his most excellent harmonies.

Every good and perfect thing comes from God- James 1:16-18 

So, my very dear friends, don’t get thrown off course. Every desirable and beneficial gift comes out of heaven. The gifts are rivers of light cascading down from the Father of Light. There is nothing deceitful in God, nothing two-faced, nothing fickle. He brought us to life using the true Word, showing us off as the crown of all his creatures.

God wants to give you the desires of your heart- Psalm 37: 4-5 

Delight thyself also in the Lord: and he shall give thee the desires of thine heart. 

Commit thy way unto the Lord; trust also in him; and he shall bring it to pass.

8 WAYS TO PRAY FOR YOUR LOVE LIFE (OR LACK THEREOF!)

I’ve been challenged lately with my tendency to think about things, rather than pray about them. 

There’s been a series of difficult events occurring in my life, and I find that I’m quick to analyze, figure out, and try to put the pieces together.  I guess what it comes down to is that I am somewhat of a control freak.  For me, if I can’t have control, I fool myself into thinking that I’ve got some sort of ability to “figure it out” in my head.

But as I’ve been weeding through Scripture lately, I’m realizing that my tendency to over-

analyze is so antithesis to what God’s word says.  All through Scripture Jesus is challenging us: Don’t just dwell on things, pray about them.  Prayer is the act by which we mentally hand over our problems, concerns, fears, desires, and dreams to someone who actually has the power to control.  And it makes so much sense, because if we’re going to allow these things to fill our brain, we are better off doing it in a way that has the power to impact the things that are weighing us down, rather than simply allowing them to consume us. 

So for those of you who may find yourself consumed by your love life- or lack thereof, here are some ways to mentally and prayerfully hand those things to the One who can actually do something about it: 

Pray… 

1.       That God would give you a relationship (Matthew 7:7)!  God’s word challenges us to ask and bring our needs before God.  As long as our hearts are aligned with His, there are no limits on what we can ask.  What are your deepest needs and desires when it comes to a relationship?  Let Him know. 

2.       That He would grant you patience and insight to wait for a good one (Isaiah 40:31).  Waiting on God is never easy, because once again, it is a reminder that we are not in control.  But through the time of waiting, ask God to change you, nourish you, and fill you so that you are empowered and prepared to take the next steps when the timing is right. 

3.       That He would be working out anything unhealthy in your life (Jeremiah 33:8).  Some of our baggage and sin we can recognize, and some we can’t.  As you seek to enhance your love life, be sure to ask God to help you recognize and heal all the things in your life that aren’t lining up with His best.  Seek to get to the bottom of your sins, and ask for His healing power to be at work in your life. 

4.       That He would shape your heart for nourishing interactions with others (Colossians 3:12-14).  It’s important to learn how to love, rather than simply longing to be loved.  When your heart is open to loving and edifying others the way it was meant to, your relationships will be enriched and empowered. 

5.       That He would bring healing into your past so that you are free to embrace the present (Philippians 3:13-14).  We are called to move forward, and forget what is behind.  Sometimes, it’s easy to get stuck on our past and be paralyzed from living in the present.  No matter what kinds of things your past may hold, ask God to be at work in your past so that you are free to live in the moment and embrace your present. 

6.       That He would protect your emotional world and give you wisdom of how to set healthy boundaries (Proverbs 4:23).  I talk a lot about guarding our hearts and how to practically do that, but how often do we actually pray about our hearts and emotional worlds?  God longs to be a part of our emotions just as much as our spiritual life.  He is a holistic God, who longs to interact with our mind, body, and soul.  Give Him a chance by opening your emotional life to Him through prayer. 

7.       That He would open your eyes to the joy of doing sex His way (Hebrews 13:4).  It’s so easy to focus on what we can’t do before marriage, and end up harbouring bitterness and resentment.  But what if we were to ask God to open our eyes to doing life His way?  What if we were to plead with Him to download His heart onto ours, so that we could truly understand what is best for our lives?  Rather than struggling with His plan, let’s ask Him to reveal His heart to ours, particularly in the area of sex and sexuality, so that we can be freed to trust Him without bitterness or regret.  (More on this in Chapter 8 of True Love Dates)

8.       That God would be the focus of your life now and forever (Psalm 37:4).  At the end of the day, no matter how we view it, there is no gift that is greater than the Giver.   Whether we feel that or not, it doesn’t cease to be true.  May we continue to bring this request before God, so that He can turn our hearts to Him as our greatest delight and desire, because perspective has the power to change everything. 

by Debra Fileta

7 Types of Friends Every Woman Should Have

The righteous choose their friends carefully, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. ~Proverbs 12:26

I have always been blessed to be surrounded by some amazing friends in my life. Yes, as the seasons of life change, some have come and gone; some by choice and some by force. But one thing is for certain: we all need a good girlfriend (or two or many) in our lives. There are just some conversations and places that are meant for girlfriends and not necessarily for our significant others. I know that if I have a crisis or need a good ladies’ night out, I will never be without a friend to reach out to.

So even if we don’t hang out as much as I’d like,  I love my girls to death, and there is nothing like their friendship.

Here’s 7 types of friends I’m so blessed to have, and think every woman should have too:

THE COUNSELLOR

This is the one that gives the best advice. She’s been there and done just about everything. For some reason you are comfortable discussing your most private thoughts with her that you wouldn’t dare share with anyone else.  She’s the level headed one who you can vent to about anything and she will not judge you. You feel so much better after your conversations with her. 

THE SPIRITUAL ONE

This is the one you can count on any time of day for a good word or prayer on your behalf. She’s the one that can feed the word to you and give you a bible verse to read that will help you in any situation. She’s your spiritual sister that keeps you on your toes, and empowers you to be still and listen. 

THE SUPPORTER

She’s the one, who no matter what you’re doing, you know you can call her and she will be excited for you. She’s your source of encouragement. Whether it’s starting a new business or writing a book… Whatever it is, she is going to cheer you on like no one else will. But she genuinely loves and supports everything that you do.

THE FUNNY ONE

This is the one that can make you laugh under any circumstance and about any situation. You know that when you are in need of a good laugh, you already have this friend on speed dial ready to go. She’s the one that everyone loves to be around and the life of any party because of her sense of humor. It’s hard for anyone to hate her. 

THE BLUNT ONE

This is the one that will tell you like it is, even when you don’t want to hear the truth. But she’ll tell you in a loving, sisterly kinda way ( and sometimes, she’ll just give it to you with no filter because the situation calls for it). This is the one that when everyone else is walking on eggshells around you (to avoid hurting your feelings), she’ll tell you exactly how she feels, take it or leave it.

THE MOTIVATOR

This is the one that motivates you to reach newer heights. She’s the one you see handling her business like a boss, and you are steady taking notes of her every move. She compels you to dig deeper and go after what you really want in life. She’s the one that inspires you to dust off your vision board and get back on track.

THE SENSIBLE ONE

This is the one you call when you want to do something you know you shouldn’t be doing. She’ll listen to your problems and talk you off the ledge. She’ll give you a different, more calm point of view for just about every situation (especially if it means keeping you out of trouble).

By TPW

MOVING ON FROM BAD RELATIONSHIPS

Sometimes we find ourselves in damaging relationships that we find it difficult to get ourselves out of. These kinds of relationships can have a tremendously negative effect on our mental, spiritual and even physical health and the longer we stay in them, the more dire the consequences can be.

Our involvement in such relationships isn’t always down to choice. For instance, a toxic relationship with a family member or work colleague who refuses to reconcile leaves us few options without taking drastic steps. But that doesn’t mean it’s any easier to distance ourselves from damaging friendships or intimate relationships. These can be just as hard to move on from.

Taking steps to distance ourselves from those who don’t have our best interests at heart can take time and a lot of effort. But our journey to moving past the pain can be made more manageable if we do (or avoid doing) certain things.

Here are four do’s and don’ts of distancing yourself from the damaging effects of bad relationships.

DON’T underestimate your value

One of the biggest mistakes that we can make when it comes to how we see ourselves is to underestimate our worth. Realizing that we deserve better and that better exists out there for us is an important step in distancing ourselves from those who only make negative contributions to our lives.

Sometimes people who hurt us use our past failures to define us but God is able to look past them and see us for who we really are. Viewing ourselves as God sees us will help us redefine our value in better terms.

DO extend forgiveness

The pain and hurt that we experience as a result of a damaging relationship can linger for a lot longer once we’re no longer in the relationship but are yet to forgive. Unforgiveness effectively tethers us to that toxic relationship way beyond its expiry date. We shouldn’t think of forgiving someone as a sign of weakness, it’s the exact opposite. It takes great strength to forgive, especially in circumstances such as these. We’re made stronger when we forgive because we’re no longer weighed down by the burden of anger and animosity towards the person that made us unhappy.

DON’T hold out for an apology

Waiting for someone to apologize stagnates us. It also shows that we’re not ready to forgive unless certain conditions are met.

We know that we can forgive without receiving an apology but sometimes we still put forgiveness on hold because we expect or feel that we deserve one. Forgiveness is an act which frees us so it makes sense that we don’t have to wait for someone else to do something in order for us to take matters into our own hands and move on. You can exercise your freedom and forgive in the absence of an apology.

DO build up your existing healthy relationships

Whether it’s because of a failure to spend time nurturing them due to the distraction of the damaging relationship or an inability to realize how necessary they are, good networks often suffer when someone is consumed by an unhealthy relationship.

It’s vital to have a positive support network on hand to help us rediscover our joy and what it means to be part of loving and uplifting relationships. Why not seek out any good friends which you’ve lost contact with and work to rebuild bridges with those who you neglected.

By TPW

5 REASONS HE HASN’T ASKED YOU OUT:

If you’re anything like many of the single women I’ve come into contact with, you have pretty much given up on the idea of being recklessly pursued by a man.

Forget the fairy-tale dream of being chased after in an attempt to win your heart.  Forget the love letters, the roses, the poems and songs.  Forget it all.

At this point in life, you’ll settle for about any sign of pursuit…heck, any sign of life from the opposite sex.

So what is it about these guys that is keeping them from pursuing you?  Why have so many men failed to step it up and make the move?

Though I can’t speak from a male’s perspective…I have spoken to a number of males and gotten a lot of feedback.  Let me fill you in a little on what some of them might be thinking:

1.  He doesn’t know you’re interested:  Ladies here’s the thing about us- we think we can read

everyone’s mind.  But believe it or not, that super-hero power doesn’t exist…and it especially doesn’t exist when it comes to the men in our lives.   The bottom line is that men don’t know what you’re thinking.  I’ve heard from numerous young men who would love to take the next step in a relationship but they feel like they are getting absolutely no “vibes” of interest from the girl they’re interested in.

If he hasn’t pursued you yet, maybe it’s time to show a little interest.  Don’t be afraid to say hello, start up a conversation, or make some plans.  You are just as capable of furthering your friendship with this guy as with anyone of your friends.  So go ahead and show a little love (and by a little, I mean a little.  We ladies have the tendency to go all out), and then step back and see what happens.

2.  He’s just not that into you:  So you went ahead and showed a little love, and still, nothing.  It’s time to consider the possibility that maybe he’s just not that into you.  I know a lot of women have the tendency to jump to this conclusion immediately, and start getting down on themselves wondering: Am I good enough?  Am I pretty enough?  Is there something wrong with me?

Here’s my conclusion with this whole thing.  Maybe it has nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him.  If he’s not that into you…then he’s not for you.  I always remind my single friends that at the end of the day, you want to be with someone who is just as crazy about you as you are about them.  Don’t force the fit with a man who doesn’t appreciate you just where you are at.  You are worth far more than that.  Maybe it’s time to consider moving on.  There are plenty of fish in the sea.  Wait for someone who views you as a catch worth finding.

3.  He’s afraid:  Believe it or not girls, some of these eligible bachelors are just as insecure and unsure as you are.  Afraid of rejection, of heart break, and of failure- it takes a lot of courage and confidence to go ahead and make a move, and some men aren’t there yet.

If you are worried your secret interest might be fearful, the best thing you can do for him is pray.  Ask God to give him strength and courage, pray for his heart, soul, mind and strength.  There’s nothing you can do to erase his fears besides prayer, because ultimately, fears are something that must be healed from within.  This is God’s thing if you know what I mean.

4.  He’s working through his own issues:  I think the biggest favor we can do for ourselves as women is to stop blaming his lack of pursuit on ourselves.  If he’s not asking you out, there is a good chance it has so much more to do with him, and so very little to do with you.  Many of the guys I’ve spoken to explained that their failure of pursuing a girl is a reflection of the fact that they are still getting their “stuff” together.  Figuring out his career, finding a good job, moving our from under his parent’s roof, dealing with past hurts, or getting right with God are just some of the things I’ve heard from men who are working out some things in their lives.

I applaud those men, because at the end of the day a healthy relationship begins with two people who have done some good solid work on themselves.  Those who are willing to put the work in up front will have so much less work to do when they are united with another in holy matrimony.  If he’s not ready to pursue you now then there’s a good chance it’s better he didn’t!

Take that as a sign and instead of waiting around obsessing over his next move, use your time to reflect on your personal journey.  What areas of your life need some focus?  Some healing?  Some work?  What goals should you be working toward?  Take some time to do some of this work in your own life.  Because healthy people will always make for healthy relationships.

5.  He doesn’t think the timing is right:  Sometimes timing can be a matter of perspective.  I remember the months of developing a friendship with my husband, wondering when would be the right time to take the next step and start dating.  Looking back, his idea of the right time, and my idea of the right time were totally different.

But in reflecting at my story I also know this: God’s timing for our relationship was so outrageously right.  There were so many things that could have gone wrong had the timing been anything other than what it was.  I think what it comes down to is that the only One who really knows what good timing means, is the inventor of time Himself.  Seek to connect with God, to know His heart, and ask Him to lead both you and your certain interest to just the right time in just the right way.  God is good and opening the doors for things that are right, and closing them hard for things that are not.

Above all else single ladies, more than trusting a man to do the right thing at the right time…trust God to lead and guide your life and the life of your future spouse in exactly the way that He sees best.  After all, He is the Master Matchmaker.   He can surely be trusted.

 by Debra Fileta

WHAT REAL MEN WANTS IN A WOMAN

I think sometimes it’s easy for women to see the deficits and needs in the men around them, while never fully acknowledging the need for growth in their own lives.

What it comes down to is this: just like women are not satisfied in defining a real man by his muscle mass and sex drive, real men are shifting their perception of what they are looking for in a woman.  I see a new generation of men rising up, who in their maturity and discernment understand that boobs, bikinis, and sex appeal have little to do in the equation of a healthy and meaningful marriage.

Here are the qualities that these real men are looking for in their brides-to-be: 

REALNESS:  It’s sometimes hard to believe that being “real” is attractive to a man.  I think it’s easy for us women to look at the billboards and magazines that fill our minds with airbrushed beauty and enhanced bodies and think that being real makes you less than the others.  But I’ve found that real men are attracted to a woman who reveals her natural self.   My husband has always told me that I’m most beautiful when I am most like me: before the makeup, the hair, and the fashion have taken away from my natural self.  I hear that same thing from men time and time again.  There is something about the beauty of a real woman that far exceeds the plastic Barbie version of ourselves that we women so much strive for and believe in.

But men are not simply looking for a woman who is real with her appearance, but real with who she is.  When it comes to attracting a real man, there is no need to pretend.  They’re not looking for a woman who pretends to be into sports, cars, sex, or anything else she thinks her man wants.  They are looking for a woman to be fully herself…personality, quirks, deficits and all.  Ladies, these are the things that make you unique and set you apart from every other woman.  Embrace your real self, and let it shine.

CONFIDENCE:  There is something about a confident woman that exudes beauty and attraction to a man.  A woman who is confident knows who she is and what she believes, and holds on to that in her interactions with others.  She believes in herself, and knows that she is valuable standing alone.  She’s not defined by her relationship status, her physical appearance, or her sex appeal.  She doesn’t buy into the lies that her value is dependent on what she does- but rather, who she is.  Because a woman of confidence is aware that her value is rooted in nothing else but who she is in Christ, there is no need to flirt around or flaunt her stuff

Flirting and flaunting will most definitely attract a certain type of man to your side, but you’ll have to keep flirting and keep flaunting your entire life in order to keep his interest.  I don’t know about you ladies, but that kind of relationship dynamic is far too much work and emotional baggage for my liking.  There’s no need for skimpy outfits and cleavage when you’re on the hunt for a real man- because real man will be attracted to you because of who you are- not what you have to offer him…and just continuing to be yourself will be all you need to do to keep him there.  That’s what healthy relationships are meant to be.

BEAUTY:  Most men will tell you that it’s important for them to be attracted to their significant other.  The problem with this is that sometimes we as women misinterpret this to think that the way to a man’s heart is by achieving super-model status.  We beat ourselves up emotionally, physically, and mentally trying to fit into a mold that we were never meant to fill.  From what I understand- to a real man, beauty is defined as so much more than physical appearance.  I’ve met tons of men who are completely turned off by women who are gorgeous on the outside, but hollow on the inside.

Real men are looking for a woman who displays true beauty, a beauty that cannot be enhanced, made up, or airbrushed.  They are looking for a woman who resonates with the beauty of kindness, compassion, humor, strength, love, joy, and gentleness.  Believe it or not, real men are more interested in the size of a woman’s heart and mind than the size of her waist.  It’s ironic then, that our society pressures women into keeping their focus on the external- the things that matter very little at the end of every relationship.  Unlike physical beauty, true beauty cannot be fabricated…and it’s the only thing that will draw and keep the heart of a real man.  A quote I read says it best, “A real man is not looking for the most beautiful woman in the world, but for the woman who will make his world the most beautiful”.

PASSION: Let me clarify- there is a huge difference between a passionate woman, and an dramatic woman.  The first is the kind that men flock to, the latter is the type they run away from…and never look back.  If there is one thing that I hear again and again from men, is that women need to be less emotionally-driven.  Men, as much as I hate to admit it, I think you’re onto something here.  Emotions are such a valuable part of human beings, for men and women alike.  But I think a huge problem arises within the tendency for women to let their emotions take the lead.  It’s important for us as women to be driven by what we know and balanced by what we feel.  Feelings should never lead the way.

But now that we’ve discussed what passion isn’t, here’s what it is- being a passionate woman means allowing your heart and life to be driven by things that are meaningful, invested in things that are good, and living a life that is purposeful.  It means being a woman whose life is not defined by nail salons, tanning beds, and clothing boutiques- but one who lives for so much more.  It means having goals, believing in dreams, and holding on to your values.  It means being defined and propelled by justice, mercy, forgiveness, charity and grace.  It means striving for healing in your own life and in the world around you.  Living a life of passion is important, because that passion will seep into every part of your life- relationships included.

It’s time to redefine the qualities that we as women think we need to have to impress a man.  It’s time to say no to the draw of sex appeal and begin to believe that true admiration from men to women comes only when we begin to respect ourselves.  Real men are looking for real women who will reflect to them the qualities of a loving God- a God who has made us to be confident, passionate, genuine – and oh, so beautiful in every way.  May we as women strive to reflect Him in all that we do.

Real men, come and get it…

Debra Fileta