If you’re
anything like many of the single women I’ve come into contact with, you have
pretty much given up on the idea of being recklessly pursued by a man.
Forget the
fairy-tale dream of being chased after in an attempt to win your heart.
Forget the love letters, the roses, the poems and songs. Forget it all.
At this point in
life, you’ll settle for about any sign of pursuit…heck, any sign of life
from the opposite sex.
So what is it
about these guys that is keeping them from pursuing you? Why have so many
men failed to step it up and make the move?
Though I can’t
speak from a male’s perspective…I have spoken to a number of males and gotten a
lot of feedback. Let me fill you in a little on what some of them
might be thinking:
1. He
doesn’t know you’re interested: Ladies here’s the
thing about us- we think we can read
If he hasn’t
pursued you yet, maybe it’s time to show a little interest. Don’t be
afraid to say hello, start up a conversation, or make some plans. You are
just as capable of furthering your friendship with this guy as with anyone of
your friends. So go ahead and show a little love (and by a little, I mean
a little. We ladies have the tendency to go all out), and then step back
and see what happens.
2. He’s just
not that into you: So you went ahead and showed a little love, and
still, nothing. It’s time to consider the possibility that maybe he’s
just not that into you. I know a lot of women have the tendency to jump
to this conclusion immediately, and start getting down on themselves wondering:
Am I good enough? Am I pretty enough? Is there something wrong with
me?
Here’s my
conclusion with this whole thing. Maybe it has nothing to do with you,
and everything to do with him. If he’s not that into you…then he’s not
for you. I always remind my single friends that at the end of the day,
you want to be with someone who is just as crazy about you as you are about
them. Don’t force the fit with a man who doesn’t appreciate you just
where you are at. You are worth far more than that. Maybe it’s time
to consider moving on. There are plenty of fish in the sea. Wait for someone who views you as a catch worth
finding.
3. He’s
afraid: Believe it or not girls, some of these eligible
bachelors are just as insecure and unsure as you are. Afraid of
rejection, of heart break, and of failure- it takes a lot of courage and
confidence to go ahead and make a move, and some men aren’t there yet.
If you are worried
your secret interest might be fearful, the best thing you can do for him is pray.
Ask God to give him strength and courage, pray for his heart, soul, mind and
strength. There’s nothing you can do to erase his fears besides prayer,
because ultimately, fears are something that must be healed from within.
This is God’s thing if you know what I mean.
4. He’s
working through his own issues: I think the
biggest favor we can do for ourselves as women is to stop blaming his lack of
pursuit on ourselves. If he’s not asking you out, there is a good chance
it has so much more to do with him, and so very little to do with you.
Many of the guys I’ve spoken to explained that their failure of pursuing a girl
is a reflection of the fact that they are still getting their “stuff”
together. Figuring out his career, finding a good job, moving our from
under his parent’s roof, dealing with past hurts, or getting right with God are
just some of the things I’ve heard from men who are working out some things in
their lives.
I applaud those
men, because at the end of the day a healthy relationship begins with two
people who have done some good solid work on themselves. Those who are
willing to put the work in up front will have so much less work to do when they
are united with another in holy matrimony. If he’s not ready to pursue
you now then there’s a good chance it’s better he didn’t!
Take that as a
sign and instead of waiting around obsessing over his next move, use your time
to reflect on your personal journey. What areas of your life need some
focus? Some healing? Some work? What goals should you be
working toward? Take some
time to do some of this work in your own life. Because healthy people
will always make for healthy relationships.
5. He
doesn’t think the timing is right: Sometimes
timing can be a matter of perspective. I remember the months of
developing a friendship with my husband, wondering when would be the right time
to take the next step and start dating. Looking back, his idea of the
right time, and my idea of the right time were totally different.
But in reflecting
at my story I also know this: God’s timing for our relationship was so
outrageously right. There were so many things that could have gone wrong
had the timing been anything other than what it was. I think what it
comes down to is that the only One who really knows what good timing means, is
the inventor of time Himself. Seek to connect with God, to know His
heart, and ask Him to lead both you and your certain interest to just the right
time in just the right way. God is good and opening the doors for things
that are right, and closing them hard for things that are not.
Above all else
single ladies, more than trusting a man to do the right thing at the right
time…trust God to lead and guide your life and the life of your future
spouse in exactly the way that He sees best. After all, He is the Master
Matchmaker. He can surely be trusted.
by Debra Fileta
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