In just a few days, my husband John and I will be celebrating our 10
year marriage anniversary!
It seems so short and yet sooooo long at the same time. We’ve been
with each other through some of our most formative years- and have together
experienced the most significant moments of each other’s lives. We’ve walked
with one another through some incredible highs, and through some difficult
lows. We’ve changed, grown, matured, fallen, failed, conquered, succeeded and
have learned so many things together. Yet the greatest lesson we’ve
learned, is that there is so much still left for us to learn.
As we’ve been reflecting over the past decade of our marriage including
changing
1. Attraction grows. In the next decade you’ll both put on weight, acquire grey hairs,
and welcome the world of post-marriage (likely even post-baby) body. But don’t
fret. Because even as your body fades, your desire for one another can continue
to grow brighter and brighter. Be sure to keep fanning that
flame…because genuine attraction is made up of so much more than just
the physical.
2. Conflict is a healthy part of marriage. It’s important to learn how to fight fair, to
express your feelings in a constructive way, and to learn how to forgive often.
Conflict breeds communication, and communication can breed heightened intimacy.
So take advantage and fight well.
3. Your sex life takes up a small fraction of your
relationship. But it’s a
really important fraction because it has the power to connect you emotionally,
psychologically, physically, and spiritually. So protect it while
you’re single, and then learn to make the most of it in marriage.
4. Your spouse’s family will likely have a huge
influence on your life and marriage– so know what you’re getting into because who you choose to do life
with can bring barriers or blessings.
5. Contrary to what the movies say, you will NOT sleep
romantically intertwined and interlocked with your spouse all night long, so do yourself a favor by
investing in a large, comfy bed and getting a good night’s rest!
People tend to argue less when they’re well rested
6. Believe it or not, research shows that the longer
you’ve been married the less time you actually talk. Make communication important by scheduling time
to just sit and talk.
7. Unlike in soap operas and movies, marital sex takes
work, practice, selflessness, and a whole lot of patience to perfect. Don’t expect to get it right away, but know
that you will in time. Let go of the pressure to be perfect and just enjoy the
practice!
8. No matter who you marry, someday you will probably
wonder if you’ve married the “right person”. Be assured- you have (from the moment you said “I do”). So do
whatever it takes to fight for what you have and to turn it into something
beautiful.
9. True love between two people has very little to do
with how you feel, and so much to do with what you do thereafter. Learn the actions of love, and practice them
often (aka every moment, of every day). Always choose to protect your marriage.
10. No matter what conflict you are facing, 100% of the
time you have a responsibility in it. Learn to take ownership of your own flaws right here, and right
now, long before you point the finger. It will always work out better in
the end.
11. Most of marriage is made up of the monotony of
day-to-day routine. So marry
more than just a lover. Marry a best friend, a partner, a co-worker, and a true
companion.
12. Opposites do attract, but then they have the tendency to attack. Learn to work through your differences and
always appreciate the beauty of your spouse’s uniqueness. It’s likely what drew
you together in the first place.
13. Your past has a huge impact on your present relationships, so
learn to look inward. Working
through your past wounds has the ability to bring so much healing to the here
and now. Take the time to take care of yourself.
14. Marriage can’t bring you
purpose, healing, or security– but it can bless you, challenge you,
and enrich your life in so many ways. Keep your expectations grounded in reality. You’ve been given a
spouse, not a super-hero, a help-mate, not a healer.
15. Your relationship with God has the power to bring
you closer to one another in powerful ways. Learn to love out of the overflow
of God’s love for you. It will
likely change your life, and in turn, your marriage.
Here’s to the next decade with my beloved. May God continue teaching us, shaping us, and
drawing us closer to each other with each passing day and through each coming
lesson.
And here’s to all of you, whether married or single: May God continue shifting your
expectations of marriage and relationships to become more and more in tune with
His.
by Debra Fileta
No comments:
Post a Comment