Far too many
singles are out there trying to find their perfect match.
Because let’s be
honest…it’s far more romantic to dream of finding that person who will complete
your life, rather than to imagine a relationship that involves time, energy,
and investment. But good relationships will always require work.
No one wants to
hear that marriage takes work.
In fact, there
have been numerous articles trending encouraging us to STOP SAYING that
relationships take work. Because it’s discouraging. And scary. And defeating to
hear.
But to stop saying
that a good marriage
takes work, would be to live in a delusion. That’s
like saying becoming a doctor, or a teacher, or an Olympian doesn’t require any
work. Anything of value takes time, energy, and investment. It requires work. I
believe that the goal of this type of conversation isn’t to SCARE people away
from marriage, but to PREPARE them for what it entails.
A good marriage
isn’t about finding the perfect person, it’s about working to create the best
relationship you possibly can.
And the process of
creating something beautiful, will always take work. Ask
any artist. Ask any writer. Ask any musician.
That’s why, when,
in a Hollywood culture that tends to portray relationships as over-the-top
romantic gestures and passionate one night stands, it was refreshing to
see this article floating around by US Magazine where Dax
Shepard confessed that marriage takes work. Here’s what he told US Weekly:
“We don’t believe
in The One. We don’t believe in the fairytale. We don’t believe that you can
meet someone and you have a perfectly matching personalities. We are opposites
and it has taken a tremendous amount of work and therapy for us to coexist.”
I’m thankful for
this much-needed reality check about relationships, from a couple that’s adored
by so many young fans. Because a good marriage takes work. And anyone who tells
you otherwise is living a lie.
I’m not saying
that marriage is always hard. And I’m not even saying that the work is always
hard.
Because so many
times, the work of
marriage – communication, connection, intimacy – is delightful. But to
discount the fact that there is also hard work involved, would be to present a
one-sided picture.
To say that marriage doesn’t take work is like saying running a
marathon is easy. Who on earth would ever be naive enough to say
that? To run a marathon well, you’ve got to do the work. You’ve got to train,
to sweat, and to run with discipline – whether you feel like it or not. There
might be days when the practice is easy on a beautiful sunny day with a perfect
breeze. But there are going to be other days when you don’t feel like running,
or training, or practicing. And that’s when the work of running a marathon has
to really kick in. That’s when you decide how bad you want this thing, and
choose to do the work to get to the goal.
You can only get
to the win by doing the work.
Marriage is much the same. To do marriage well, you’ve got to do
the work. You’ve got to communicate, connect, give, forgive,
and sacrifice with discipline – whether you feel like it or not. There will be
easy days, when the practice is easy and your love is shining bright. But there
will also be other days, when you don’t feel like loving, connecting, and
forgiving – or even feel like you’ve got nothing left to give. But that’s when
the work of marriage really kicks in. That’s when you decide how bad you want
this thing, and choose to do the work to get to the goal.
You can only get
to the win by doing the work.
And much to
people’s surprise, just because you are a Christian, doesn’t
mean you’re automatically going to be good at marriage. You have to work at it
just like anyone else. “Happily Ever After” is a path you have to forge, not a road
you accidentally stumble upon.
As Dax later went
on to say, “[Relationships] are labor intensive. If you want them to last they
are labor intensive.”
So many
times marriage is good work.
And often, marriage
is hard work.
But if you’re
expecting anything less than work, than you might not be ready for marriage.
And I won’t apologize saying that.
By Debra
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