10 Ways to Do What You Don’t Want to Do

Life would be grand if we only did what our fleeting hearts wanted to do, each moment of the day.

Unfortunately, the laundry, taxes and difficult conversations would never get done. The best books would never be written. All the achievements of humankind would be imagined, not realized.

So what should we do if we’re facing a task we don’t want to do? Well, we can run, and find distraction. That usually works, until it causes problems. Or we can find a way to get crap done.

Here’s how to get crap done.

1. Meditate on why you need to do this. Instead of giving in to distraction, sit there for a minute. Why do you need to do this task you don’t want to do? Sure, because it’s on your todo list, or because someone else wants you to do it. Or you’re getting paid for it, or someone’s got to do it. But why? What will this task help accomplish? Who is it helping? Dig deeper and find the good that you’re creating in the world. If you’re a dishwasher, you might not think getting dirty dishes clean matters, but those dishes are required to serve food, and the food nourishes people and it can make them happy and then they can go out and do something good in the world with a smile on their face. So connect the dishes to the good.
2. Meditate on your fear. The thing that’s stopping you from doing the task, or wanting to do it, is fear. You fear failure or looking bad, you fear the discomfort or confusion of the task. So take a moment to look inward and see this fear. Feel it. Accept it as part of you, instead of running from it.
3. Let go of your ideal. If this fear were gone, you could just do the task easily. So what is causing the fear? Some ideal you have, some fantasy about life being free of discomfort, confusion, embarrassment, imperfection. That’s not reality, just fantasy, and it’s getting in your way by causing fear. So let go of the fantasy, the ideal, the expectation. And just embrace reality: this task before you, nothing else.
4. Intention, not results. You are caught up with the results of the task — what will happen if you do it, what failure might result. So forget about the result — you can’t know what it will be anyway. That’s in the future. For now, focus on your intention: why are you doing it? If it’s to make the life of a loved one better, then that’s your intention. That intention is true no matter what the result is. Focus on this, not what bad things might or might not happen.
5. Embrace the suck. Doing something hard sucks. It’s not easy, and often you’re confused about how to do it because you haven’t done it much before. So what? Hard things suck, but life isn’t always peaches with roses on top (and a sprinkle of cinnamon). It sucks sometimes, and that’s perfectly fine. Embrace all of life, thorns and pits and all. Life would be boring without the suck. So smile, embrace the suck, and get moving.
6. Give yourself constraints. We tend to rebel against restraints: “I don’t want to do this! I want freedom!” Well, unfortunately, having unlimited freedom means unlimited choices, unlimited distractions, and nothing gets done. Simplify by putting restraints on yourself: do only one task at a time. Do just this one task for now. Do it for 10 minutes. Forbid yourself from going to any other websites or checking anything on your phone or doing anything else that you like to do for distraction, until you do those 10 minutes. Ask a friend to hold you accountable — another restraint that often helps.
7. Do a little, then get up. If you have to write something, just write a sentence. Then get up, get some water, stretch. Pat yourself on the back for getting started! Now do a little more: write a few more sentences. Get up, take a mental break (don’t go to another website), do a few pushups. Go back, do a bit more. Pretty soon, you’re in the flow of it.
8. Don’t let your mind run. Your mind will want to run. That’s OK, that’s the nature of minds. They are scared, and they will rationalize going to distraction, going to what’s easy. Watch this happen, don’t try to stop the phenomena, but don’t give it anywhere to run to. Watch the mind want to run, but don’t act. Just watch. It will eventually calm down.
9. Find gratitude. This task might seem hard or sucky, but actually there are a lot of great things about it. For example, if you’re doing it for work, hey, you have a job! You have money to buy food and shelter! You have eyes and ears and a mind to do this task! Imagine life without all these things, and then try feeling sorry for yourself for having to do something so hard. Or, instead, try being grateful for the opportunity to do some good in the world, to learn from this task, to get better, to be mindful as you do it.
10. Learn and grow. By meditating on your intentions and fear, by letting go of ideals and embracing the suck, by giving yourself constraints and finding gratitude … you’re learning about yourself. This task, as mundane or scary as it might seem, is teaching you about your mind. That’s a wonderful thing. So this task is a huge learning opportunity. What a wonderful way to spend your time!

Turn Inspiration Into Action

How many times have you read a great article, or had an idea, or wanted to make a change … but then didn’t?

It’s one of the biggest frustrations for people who read this site: people blame themselves for not implementing a plan to change habits.

It takes a switch in gears.

I remember a boatload of times when I’ve been really inspired by something, but then didn’t take action. I wanted to run a marathon, do a triathlon, write a book, start a blog, lose weight, get out of debt, start waking early, simplify my life. But I didn’t actually do anything about it.

I was busy. I was tired. I had other things to do. But those were just excuses.

I learned a few things that worked for me, and within a year or so, I’d done all those things I mentioned above. I took action and made them happen. The excuses got beat.

Here’s what works for me:

1. Tell someone you’re going to do it. If you just think it in your head, you’re not committed. It won’t happen. Start by getting up and telling someone near you, right now. Or email someone.
2. Now carve out time. Lots of people actually do step 1 but not this step. You have to make the time. Even if it’s just 10 minutes a day — when will you do it? After what part of your regular routine? Even if you don’t have a routine, there are things you do every day: wake up, maybe shower and/or brush your teeth, eat breakfast or lunch, open your computer, get off work or school, go to bed, etc. Put it on your calendar, right away.
3. Start as small as you can. Most people make the mistake of overcommitting, because they’re so inspired. But you’re less likely to succeed if you say that you’re going to work out an hour a day, or learn a new skill for 2 hours a day. Even 30 minutes a day is too much. Start with 10. Or 5. Or 2, if you’re really busy. You have time for 2 minutes a day.
4. Really commit. The biggest reason most people fail is they’re not really committed. You tell someone, and you think you’re committed, but you’re not. If you’re really committed, write it on your blog (or start one). Post it on Facebook or Twitter. Tell 100 people about it. Put money on it. Say that you’ll sing in public if you fail. Make people hold you accountable.
5. Have reminders. It’s easy to forget when you start out. If you want to go for a 10-minute run after you wake up, you need something to make sure you don’t forget: put your running shoes next to your bed or in your doorway, laid out with running clothes. Or sleep in your running clothes. Put up a big sign somewhere you won’t miss it. Use sticky notes, stuck to your computer. Computer and phone reminders are good too.
6. At the moment when you want to avoid it, pause. There will be a moment (or a bunch of moments) when you think, “Oh, I’ll do it tomorrow.” That’s the moment you have to not let pass idly by. Stop yourself, and just sit there for a moment, not going on your computer, just turning inward. What are you afraid of? What’s stopping you? There is a discomfort you’re trying to avoid. Instead, smile, and start. Do it and enjoy it in the moment. You’ll love it.

How to Stop Your Habit Changes From Getting Derailed

Manytimes when we try to make a good change in our lives, it gets derailed early on by something out of our control.

Let’s say you start a diet, and your daughter makes some great vegan cupcakes and you want to support her efforts, and so you eat some … and this exception causes you to say, “screw it” and you eat some other unhealthy foods later in the day, and then the next day.

Or you’re trying to think positively, and so you go out of your way to be nice to someone with whom you’re not on good terms … and they snub you, causing you to go down a spiral of negative thoughts.

How do you stop the negative spiral? How do you stop the slippery slope?

By having a more flexible idea of what your habit change is.

The problem is that we often have an ideal habit change: we’re going to start this new diet and be perfect at it and all will go well and we’ll be healthy and trim and sexy.

And of course the actual path is much more bumpy than that, and so this ideal expectation is never met. Changes never go the way we think they will. Our fantasies about our new habits don’t come true. And we feel horrible about that, and get derailed.

The problem isn’t the event that derailed us, that caused our perfect habit to go bad … the problem is our ideal about how the change will go. The ideal is just a fantasy, made up in our heads. It’s not real. It’s not realistic.

What’s more realistic? Reality. Instead of holding onto the fantasy you have about the change, let that go and embrace the reality of the change. Be open to whatever happens, be curious what it’s like, and actually be present and observe the change as it happens.

Did someone not respond positively like you’d hoped they would? That’s OK, because while the ideal didn’t happen, you knew that things would turn out differently than the ideal, and so instead of being disappointed you’re curious about what happened, why, how you react, and how you can respond appropriately to this change in plans.

Letting go of the ideal, you smile, observe yourself, and think, “What now? What’s the way to respond appropriately to this new situation?”

You’re flexible. You embrace the reality. You move through the everchanging landscape with a shifting plan, and a smile.

31 STATUS

And God said, “It was not good for man to be alone”,

So he created YOU

But somewhere along the lines

Someone changed your perspective

Shifted your view, like Eve.

You listened to the wrong voice

And took a huge tasty bite of deception

Now your stomach is upset

Because your spirit won’t digest it

No longer the woman that walks in the confidence

Of Ultimate artistic design

Submit your name change

We’ll call you Compromise

This is what happens when the Gospel
is according to whoever sits at the top of your playlist
and the media has become your bible
searching scriptures of magazines
being told you are dancing lead in Satan’s recital

But you are not her and she is not you
Cause we are called to so much more than
Make-up, hair, clothes and shoes
And dropping it like it’s hot even if we’re able to

We are women of a different status, 31 to be exact
We are content with not looking like anyone else 
because we know our differences 
are not a reason to be jealous, but God’s fingerprint

Don’t run around talking about how they are no good men

Because we know if we apply half as much effort on the inside

As we do on the out, we’ll stop drawing the wrong attention

Slow to speak, quick to listen.

Receiving intervention from a higher dimension

Seeking purpose, watching our God given visions

Come to fruition, never forgetting,

That we have been forgiven much

So we eat, we live, we breathe,

We give, we even sweat LOVE

Always ready to hear from the women with silver hair

Seeds have been sown and their wisdom

Saturated our soul, clipping our dead ends for growth

You’ll find us always promoting unity, serving in our community

Using our gifts and talents as an all glory to God opportunity

Wake up in the morning with a grind for the most High on our mind

Constantly being refined to be the exact of our architect’s design

We have no hearts, here’s the answer before the question

Any man that wants a heart will go to Christ knowing that it’s in his possession

Yes we are Beautiful and bare foot in the kitchen of grace

Pregnant with purpose, begging to Praise, Jesus is who we crave,

Awaiting to come to full terms so we can deliver back what has been deposited

Knowing good and well, one day we all will be audited

Mercy gives us second chances so we aint receive but we ought to get

We needed an intervention; Christ came to do lost prevention

On a cross he was stretched and fully extended

And we, we were given an extension, hear me

An Extension, hear me,

Because this price was worth far more than your finest Indian Remy

I know we can change the things we don’t like all for a simple cost

But Botox, Lipo and Implants aint got nothing on what was accomplished

On that cross

Because you can’t implant in yourself a new spirit

Or Lipo suck away your sin, you can’t lap band your addictions

And you can’t Botox away your depression

We All need Him

It’s time to change your status

Thirty one to be exact

Don’t be afraid of what’s abstract, let the Spirit of God be what attracts

We are women of a different status, this world we will impact

We are women of a different status, thirty one to be exact

Proverbs: We Plan, But God Decides

Wisdom that sticks with you - straight from God's Word.

“We make our own plans, but the LORD decides where we will go,” (Proverbs:16:9, CEV).

We may go to great lengths to plan our life and career, but only God determines whether those plans will ever come to pass. The apostle Paul, at one time, planned to persecute the Christians in Damascus but ended up becoming one of them (Acts:9:1-30




























)!

Onesimus, a slave, planned to run away from his master, Philemon, but God brought him back on better terms than ever (Philemon:1:1-25























).

Have you submitted your plans to God?

FORGIVENESS

My friend and I recently got in a fight. I know that God wants us to forgive each other, but sometimes it's really hard. How can we forgive another person when we are having trouble doing so?

Your question is both profound and vital to the basic foundation of all human relationships.

Answer:

Your question is both profound and vital to the basic foundation of all human relationships. All of us are hurt by others at one time or another—whether accidentally or intentionally. And if we're really honest with ourselves, we will have to admit that we, too, have hurt others. Hopefully we have done so accidentally and not intentionally. It is easy for Christians to talk about the need for forgiveness because that concept is so fundamental. Yet, in real life, it is often hard to practice because of the emotional hurt we feel.

In the model prayer, Jesus Christ said to ask the Father to forgive our sins as we forgive others (Matthew 6:12). Two verses later, after completing the model prayer, He returns to the idea of forgiveness and says in verses 14 and 15 that if we forgive others, God will also forgive us. But if we don't forgive others, neither will God forgive us.

In Matthew 18 Peter asked if forgiving someone seven times was enough (verse 21). Jesus' answer in the next verse says to forgive 70 times seven—implying that we never stop forgiving. He then gives a parable about forgiveness and ends in verse 35 with the statement, "So My heavenly Father also will do to you if each of you, from his heart, does not forgive his brother his trespasses."

With a concept so fundamental to Christianity, it would be easy to write a book. But to condense things a little, here are a few key points about forgiveness:

1. It's hard to do—partly because it means we give up the right to feel justified in taking revenge or "getting even" with someone.

2. Forgiving does not mean you give someone the right to injure you again (such as in cases of abuse.) This does not seem to be your question, but we mention it, lest someone wrongly get the idea that Christians have to continue putting themselves in positions to be hurt. In order for the relationship to be healthy, the other person needs to be willing to not repeat whatever the hurt was.

3. Often we are hurt by a friend and many times it is unintentional. That's where the principle of Matthew 18:15
is so important. It tells us that if our brother has done something wrong, go and talk with him. Galatians 6:1
adds that if we go to someone about something he or she has done wrong, we must be sure we go in a "spirit of gentleness." If we approach someone and figuratively poke him or her in the nose, there is almost no chance of getting the relationship healed. The situation will only be made worse. But if you go humbly to your friend and express your hurt, there is a greater likelihood of healing the relationship.

One good way of handling such situations is to use what are called "I statements" instead of "you statements." It is better to say, "When I heard that, this is how I felt" rather than saying "You did this or that to me." The former is less accusatory. The latter is like figuratively poking the person in the nose—laying all the blame for the hurt on him or her and making it harder for the person to admit you were really hurt by what was said or done. We also need to be willing to accept the possibility that we may have misunderstood or misinterpreted something in the situation.

What To Do When You Start Seeing A Guy You Really Like

Have you been on multiple dates with the same guy and feel as if things aren’t progressing the way you’d like? Or are you fresh off of the dating

scene and in a new relationship? When you’re still getting to know each other and things are still new, you may not know what to do at times. Here are

five resources that help when you are feeling uncertain.

Will Having s*x Too Soon Ruin My Relationship?

New relationships are exciting, and there’s big temptation to sleep together early on. Both conventional wisdom and experience show that having s*x

too soon increases the likelihood of ruining a potential relationship. Here’s why. When a man is interested in a woman, it’s usually about s*x at

first. Men are wired to chase and it’s in the chase where genuine connection and affection grow. If you have s*x too soon and want to be in a

committed and lasting relationship, you send the wrong signal and don’t give him the opportunity to know who you really are. It’s in the chase that he

gets to know you beyond your physical attributes. My best advice is to wait till you are married to him.

Am I in Love? The Distinction Between Love, Lust and Infatuation

Are you dating a guy you’re really into? Or are you in a new relationship and not sure if you’re in love? In this situation, it can be easy to confuse

love with lust and infatuation since they share intense feelings. Learn the distinctions between love, lust and infatuation to find out where you’re

at. And answer 20 questions to know for certain if you’re in love or not.

How to Build a Stronger Connection with My Man

This one book, The Four Agreements, when put into practice will transform the relationship you have with yourself and others. If you are looking to

improve your connection with the guy you’re with, the message in this book is simple, yet very profound. When you embrace and live each of the Four

Agreements, you will experience personal freedom. These are the four agreements: Be impeccable with your word. Don’t take anything personally. Don’t

make assumptions. Always do your best.

Relationship Questions to Ask for Long-Term Commitment

Have you been dating a guy you really like for the past few months? Are you thinking you want to be in a long-term relationship with him? If so, check

in with your inner monologue and answer these relationship questions after you have gotten to know him well enough to get a good sense of who he is.

Your answers to these relationship questions will confirm whether or not you’re both compatible for the long run.

Why It’s Not Personal

Ever been in a promising relationship where things have been going really well, only to have him say, “It’s not you, it’s me. I want to keep seeing

you and also think we should see other people.” When I heard these words, we had been dating exclusively for a few months. My heart sank because I

liked him a lot. Our relationship had already gone too far. I wasn’t able to step back and be okay with him being and sleeping with other women. I’ve

come to understand that if a relationship doesn’t work out the way you want, or a guy you like doesn’t ask you out again, or your partner criticizes

you, it’s not personal. It’s what you make it mean.

Christian Home? Top 5 Qualities Godly Women Want In A Godly Man

I've been married to my amazing hubby for over a year; have a precious 7 pound doggy named Bella Dolce, and a degree in English. Go ahead and take a look at my blog, but be sure and come back and read what qualities Godly women find alluring in a man! :)

couple Godly women want a Godly man. Well, at least, those who are not called to be celibate. ;) I know I wanted a man who was Godly….and after dating a few frogs I knew the qualities my man had to possess. But I also remembered that I wasn’t perfect and neither could I expect my future mate to be. I had to be willing to love him through his mistakes and sins as he would love me through mine.

My husband turned out to be an amazing Godly man and our love story still leaves my mouth gaping. It was only though God’s providence and HIS handiwork that we met and became one. So, if you are the hunt looking for your wife….allow the Lord to work and allow His handiwork to be displayed—He loves getting the glory. And don’t forget to check out these qualities that may help you become the man your future wife (or even your wife) needs.

A Servant Leader

Women want to be led. We may act as though we can handle it on our own and as if we have it all under control….but that is just what that is, an act. God said that we would want control over you men (Genesis 3:16). Please men, step up, and lead! A leader should be trustworthy, sacrificial, loving, kind, and gentle (Ephesians 5:25-33, 1 Peter 3:7). Of course, you won’t be perfect, neither will she, but with the strength and empowerment of the Holy Spirit you both can work toward that end.

Humility

We women love to see a humble heart. Of course all of us have pride issues….pride is the root of every sin, but we want to see a man marked with humility. Pride should be something that he is daily giving up to the Lord. We can trust a man who has a humble heart (1 Samuel 2:3, Proverbs 11:2, Proverbs 29:23). We don’t feel secure with a man whose pride is flagrant and who acts as though he has it wired. Who would feel secure? I know, as a woman, I need to know that my husband has flaws….it makes me feel less alone. It also helps me to know how to pray for my man when there is humility and openness. It also makes me significantly more attracted to my husband when I see humility…

A Planner

Are you the type of guy to fly by the seat of your pants? Well, chances are your prospective gal isn’t too appreciative of that. That “fly by the seat of your pants” mentality probably trickles into your relationship making her feel a bit less treasured. May I suggest that you start planning? Women love to see initiative taken (in every area of life). We feel prized when we know there is a plan….why? Well, because we know we have been thought about and we weren’t an afterthought. Wherever your relationship is, it is never too early to start planning!

A Gentleman

Every lady loves a gentleman….and every lady who tells you she doesn’t is lying. Well, either that or she is what my husband and I call a “femi-nazi.” If so, run away, and run away fast. I am from the South so I am accustomed to doors being opened and men stepping out of the way for women. The South has some positives that you men should take note of! Open our doors, keep a tight rein on your tongue (aka, stop the potty mouth!), and treat us like a Princess; because every woman is one deep down.

Hygiene

I know, this is random since I have been only noting character traits. However, this needs to be addressed! I don’t know how many guys I run into on a daily basis that look like they just rolled out of bed. Now, I’m not talking about having to go out and buy a $1,000 wardrobe. I’m talking about taking a shower, getting a haircut, shaving, and being presentable. When you take a lady out on a date don’t wear a t-shirt! I mean, come on. Where are the days of dressing up and looking nice? You don’t have to look like you stepped of a GQ magazine, but you at least must look like you cared enough to iron a button down/polo and gel your hair. Trust me, if you don’t try ….well, we probably won’t try to get back in touch with you.

There are obviously tons of qualities left that I haven’t broached! However, you can find all of them in God’s Word. Crack it open and ask Him (the Holy Spirit) to guide, convict and change you. I promise you, you won’t lack in anything if you ask Him to equip you (James 1:5-6).

No one is perfect, and no one will be until the day we see Jesus face to face. However, in order to woo a woman, you have to ask God to change you and make you a man (and future husband) worthy of that high calling.

Being a Perfectionist is Ruining Your Relationship

Perfectionism. In my personal opinion, it’s both an asset and a weakness. It’s good because it helps you have standards in everything you do. It helps you to strive t be your best. But it’s bad because sometimes it causes you to take things a little too far and feel awful if you don’t do something the exact way you thought you would. Regardless of all the good things it can bring to your life, perfectionism can really wreak havoc on your dating life. Here are 7 ways being a perfectionist might be ruining romance for you (and of course a couple of tips on how to prevent it).

It’s making you too picky
Standards are good in dating. In fact, they are mandatory. You should never allow yourself to be treated badly or settle for less than you deserve. But, often times, perfectionists take standards a little too far. If you’re looking for someone who’s perfect, you’ll never find it. People aren’t perfect. Neither are relationships. So, you might be casting someone aside for really silly reasons. Try not to limit your list to 101 things, instead just choose a few or throw out the list altogether.

Stress is part of your daily routine
We can’t always be carefree, but that doesn’t mean we have to worry about every single little thing either. And when you’re all caught up in how perfect everything needs to be that’s exactly what you’re doing- stressing about everything. You’ll never just get caught up in the moment and take in all the magic of a new budding romance (or love in general). Love is a beautiful thing. Let it be.

The word should is a regular part of your vocabulary
Guilty as charged (it’s actually one thing I’m working on this year). And while saying things like “I should exercise more” or “I shouldn’t eat four more pieces of cake” are probably OK for you, all the shoulds in dating are just plain awful. The fact is, there are no shoulds in dating. It is what it is and you have to accept whatever that is.

You pick at…everything
You likely pick apart yourself, your boyfriend or the new guy you just met, and your relationship as a whole. You name it and you can pick it apart. And that’s just not healthy. You’ll end up turning little issues into much bigger ones and not ever appreciating something for how simple and wonderful it is. Instead, embrace all that wonderfulness.

The little bumps in the road seem like failure
You might meet the perfect man for you, but instead of working at the relationship you’ll end it when things get rocky. Relationships are rocky and there will be some bumps along the way, but that doesn’t mean things aren’t working. When you’re a perfectionist, you tend to view the difficulties as failure when really it’s just the natural progression of things. So relax a little. Chances are, you’re doing just fine.

The fun will start to fade
Perfectionists don’t limit standards just to themselves. Everything (and I do mean everything) must be perfect. Your significant other, your house, your car, Monday night’s dinner. And when it isn’t that way it makes you feel like a failure and it totally deflates your mood. This isn’t fun for anyone involved. And what’s the point of life and love if you can’t have fun? Sometimes dinner will burn, but you can order takeout. Your house might get messy, but you can clean it up before the in-laws come to visit. It’s OK. Really.

Dating Tips That Keep You On Point!

Not exactly sure how to manage your love life? Here are some dating tips that are sure to keep you hip!

Don’t expect to meet your husband on the first date

Many women go into their first date expecting to know right then and there if Mr. Man has potential to be their husband. Wrong! Expecting anything more than a great time on date number one is asking too much and places a burden on a relationship that has yet to take form.

It takes several months to determine if he is “the one.” Go into your first meeting with the expectation of making a new friend. Let’s start there. If you’re expecting more and he fails to meet that expectation, you will be disappointed. No one wants that! And women often prefer their mates to be their best friend, so take some time to build that friendship. Couples who start as friends often have a more sustainable relationship than those who connect on the superficial level.

Check your attitude at the door

As African-American women, many of us have been unfairly labeled as “angry black women.” And when a woman has been worn down by bad dates, bad relationships, and overall bad experiences, it becomes harder for her to escape this label because dating can be downright frustrating!

Regardless of race, there is certainly enough to be angry about when it comes to today’s dating landscape, but it is important to remember that the sins of one man is not a reflection of all men. As hard as it may be to let your guard down, one must be willing to check their attitude at the door if real love is what they seek. It is not his fault that the last man cheated on you; give him a chance. What you look like on the outside is only a fraction of what matters to a man, and if your attitude is off, don’t count on a second date.

Dress for success

Women often underestimate how much their visual presentation matters to a man. There is a saying in business that you should dress for the job you want. The same can be said for the man you hope to meet. No matter what a man will tell you, they all want the pretty picture. Embrace your femininity by wearing a flattering – but not overtly sexy – dress.

Colors are always encouraged to keep you memorable. Try reds, pinks, greens, or blues and stay as much away from black as possible. What you wear should be a reflection of your personality and black is much too serious for a first date.

Your hair should always be done to perfection and nails be perfectly manicured. Avoid heavy makeup as it often distracts more than it attracts. Accentuate your features and always wear heels! Men love women who are sexy, confident, and tall.

First dates can be awkward, but they don’t always have to be. I often suggest that singles partake in activity dates rather than your standard dinner and a movie. An activity date may involve riding bikes, hiking, indoor sky diving, boating, wine tasting, etc. Dates of this nature encourage conversation and serves as an ice breaker.

Try to find activities that you’d both enjoy and there will be plenty to discuss. Plus, there is no better way to determine if the gentleman is the kind of man you want to spend more time with. If he can’t handle the fact that you can’t ride a bike or are afraid of heights, then you’ll know more immediately that he is not right for you.

I have seen and experienced my share of dating no no’s, but the greatest I’ve witnessed to date is with a man who asked if he could shorten his date with my client because he had to get back home by a certain time to walk his dog. No wonder he is still single! If a man is unable to commit two hours for a dinner date, then he is a man who deserves to be alone.

Dating takes commitment. If you expect someone to risk falling for you, you have to be willing to take a few risks of your own. If you can’t commit your time then don’t waste someone else’s.

6 Ways To Make Him Always Love You

Love will be faded out if you and your boyfriend do not know how to respect each other. Thus, you should refresh and spice up your love. Here are 6 ways to make him always love you.

1. Let him have his own space

Despite loving you, men always love their own space. A man does not love or starts dodging a woman when realizing that she asks for his private time a lot. Men love freedom and it’s important for you to understand how much freedom he needs. A man who can feel his freedom will always love you and give back to you that kind of freedom. Thus, do not force him to do what you want because men don’t like that.

2. Show your love as much as possible

Despite the elegant look, men are often not safe! And they often have special needs to hear that you love them. Hence, please show your love at every possible chance. Sometimes, it can be as simple as just saying “I love you.” This can make a huge difference for your love and for his trust to you.

3. Do not hesitate to express closeness

Sometimes, just a light touch can dispel any bad feelings and help you heal your relationship after a serious controversy. Therefore, whenever you have an opportunity, please hold his hand and give him a warm hug. A kiss could heal pain better than you expect especially when he’s silent and in the sulks.

4. Put an effort to understand him

This is quite important in every relationship, especially in the case that a matured man feels to be misunderstood or not confident about other people’s attitudes towards him. Let him see that you really want to understand him. Share with him his fears, dreams and memories. Men always love someone who could understand their thinking.

5. Be straightforward

Lots of women push their men into a dead end with the hope that he will understand them. However, this only makes the matter become more complicated. If you want him to always love you, be different and straightforward. Men love the straightforwardness and do not like “beat around the bush”. Most of his friends are very frank with one another. Thus, be straightforward to him instead of forcing him to watch out what you are thinking.

6. Praise him

Men have big egos. Nothing makes them feel greater than the compliment from women they love. However, to gain his trust and respect, you should give him the sincere praise. Even if you see that the compliment you makes is deserved for him, please repeat it. It’s a way to remind you that you still always love him

Grow Up: Your Inner Child Could Be Trapping You In A Bad Relationship

Let’s make sure we have one thing clear–sticking by someone through thick and thin and feeling stuck in a relationship are two very different things. The latter implies a more negative connotation and no one wants to feel like they are stuck with their significant other, as if they were a burden. And honestly, this goes for any fact of your life, not just your relationships. There are certain beliefs and learned behaviors that contribute to how we handle our lives and what we choose to suffer through.

Author of “Your Mind Is What Your Brain Does for a Living,” Steven Jay Fogel says, “We think we’re making decisions based on the present, but we’re usually not. We tend to operate on automatic pilot, responding to situations based on the coping strategies and thinking patterns we developed in childhood.” This decision maker can be referred to as our inner child. I’ve realized that a lot of my childhood beliefs have made their way into my adulthood and I’ve started challenging those learned ways of being. There’s a lot that my inner child is keeping me stuck in and I’m ready for freedom. So how do you know if your inner child is keeping you trapped, especially in a bad relationship?

Ask yourself these questions:

1. What is causing your pain?

Think about whether you’re in a relationship or job that’s become less and less satisfying and increasingly painful over a long period. Describe in writing the elements of the relationship or situation that are persistently causing you pain and how long you’ve been experiencing these problems. Knowing that there are three ways to end your suffering: accept the situation, change it, or remove yourself from it – write down the reasons you’re staying even though you’re suffering and what is preventing you from choosing Door 1, 2 or 3.

2. How are you interpreting your partner’s behavior?

If you repeatedly fight about the same issues, describe the issues. Think about whether you’re unconsciously investing the issue with a meaning based on your “autopilot” thinking. For instance, if you’re arguing because your partner’s messy and ignores your requests to be neat, are you interpreting that as disrespect toward you? Do you further interpret that disrespect as a lack of love for you? Is it possible that your partner is just not a neat person and that has nothing to do with his feelings for you?

3. Do you have impulsive autopilot behaviors that are causing problems?

We can often check the impulses that stem from our autopilot brain just by stopping to think before we act. Bursts of anger are one example; suppressed anger that turns into passive-aggressive behavior is another.

4. Do you feel shamed or blamed by your partner’s critical comments?

Write down the comments accurately—as they were spoken. Then think mindfully about whether your partner was really shaming you or if you interpreted the comments in that way because of your own inner critic. If it was the former, have a conversation with the person about how you feel when this happens, and state that you’ll be more open to the feedback if the criticism can be expressed objectively.

5. Did you bring a myth with you into the relationship?

If so, describe the myth. For example, you might have believed that you will cure everything that’s wrong with the other person. Or that she will fix all of your problems. Describe how you came to believe that myth and what it would take for you to release it.

Friends Bad Dating Advise

Let’s be honest, your friends always have the best of intentions, but most of them have no idea what they are talking about when it comes to relationships. If you’ve been single for a long time, perhaps it’s time you consider the “advice” you have been receiving from your friends. That “good advice” might be keeping you on the bench instead of keeping you in the game.

Bad Advice #1

“All men are dogs”

Just because your girlfriend decided to get with a bad boy doesn’t mean that the men you meet will treat you like garbage. Personal dating experiences rarely apply to others, so if you’re heading out on a date, don’t expect anything less than a gentleman–that is until he shows you otherwise.

Bad Advice #2

“If he doesn’t call you the next day, move on!”

With so many conflicting dating rules and dating books, it can be easy for someone truly interested in you to get it wrong. Don’t blame him. Blame all of the relationship experts (self included) for sending mixed messages on the proper return-call protocol. Have you heard of the Three-Day Rule? Who made that crap up anyway?

Life can often get in the way of even the most well-meaning people, so don’t be so quick to cut off someone you met if they fail to call the next day. Give him some time to work up the nerve to call you, because let’s face it: Being rejected is a fear we all have.

If it has been more than a week, you may want to move on to something better. His lack of communication might be a sign of other priorities in his life that may make being in a relationship difficult.

Bad Advice #3

“Ask her out in a text”

If your communication skills are so terrible that you have no choice but to send text messages to get your point across, then perhaps being single is your best decision yet. It’s incredibly impersonal to send text messages as a means to ask someone out. Rather than being a useful tool to you, it will show that you have absolutely no imagination.

Ditch the iPhone and pick up the phone. Dial a number. Talk.

Bad Advice #4

“Don’t let him see you eat too much”

Most men want to be with women who are authentic, and starving yourself by only eating a salad on a date can leave a very bad impression, like: “Does this girl have an eating disorder?” “Is she on a diet?” “She knows she’s hungry. Is she trying to impress me?” You might actually be on a diet or have an eating disorder, but your date need not be privy to that!

Rather than run away from the menu, select items that are delicious but do not have a foul odor (like fish or garlic). Instead of a chicken salad, try the Chicken with Asparagus you have your eye on. He’s taking you out on a date for a reason, so just be yourself!

Bad Advice #5

“If you don’t feel a ‘spark,’ don’t try for a second date”

Sometimes there are circumstances that may make the first date feel less than ideal, but if you think your date was a nice person who had qualities you were looking for in a mate–who perhaps had something missing, take a chance by giving it another try.

First dates come with a lot of pressure. There is a pressure to be perfect and to impress that is so unrealistic to what life would really be like if you were already a couple. Giving him/her another chance to knock you off your feet might be the difference between staying single and meeting the love of your life.