9 Questions to Ask Yourself About The Guy You’re Dating

When considering a relationship with someone it is important to consider that person’s spiritual beliefs as well as the way they view life and how they treat others. The following questions are important to consider before you begin a dating relationship.

1. Does he talk about seeking God’s direction for his life?

Or does he envision a future of his own making? When he talks about the future, is there room for God?Does he have plans to serve God and the church in some way? Is he focused on the achievement of temporal success or eternal significance? Does he want to make a difference in the world for Christ?

“But one thing I do,” said the apostle Paul. Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.”

2. Is he living a Godly life or a Worldly life?

Does he live out the biblical teaching that sacrifice and struggle often are necessary to achieve greater long-term goals? Or does he relentlessly pursue short-term pleasure at the expense of long-term consequences?

Healthy religion calls for us to forsake self-indulgent, self-centered living and to commit instead to purity, love, giving, unselfishness, discipline, and sometimes uncomfortable lifestyles. This is not intended to steal away our joy and make life miserable. In contrast, a life of devotion brings inner peace, fulfillment, and the promise of better things to come in the future.

3. What is his attitude toward other people?

Does he use others merely as tools to get what he wants, or does he genuinely care about other people? How does he treat the less fortunate in our society? Does he care about the needy? Does he have a sense of social justice that makes him want to see conditions for the poor improved, or is he uncaring or even cynical about those who have less than he does?

He who mocks the poor, says Proverbs 17:5, shows contempt for their Maker.

4. Who does he spend his time with?

Birds of a feather do tend to flock together. You can learn a lot about his discernment and what he values by looking at who he shares his time with. Is he constantly pulled toward the “in-crowd” whose main activities would be anything but pleasing to God, or does he seek relationships with Christians who can encourage him to grow in his faith and lovingly hold him accountable?

Do not be misled, says 1 Corinthians 15:33, Bad company corrupts good character.

5. Does he care about bringing the Gospel to those who haven’t heard it?

People whose hearts have been transformed by Christ feel motivated to share their faith with others. But someone who’s a Christian in name only sees no reason to bring the message of Jesus to those who haven’t heard it.

As one ancient saint said: “I doubt the salvation of anyone who doesn’t care about the salvation of his neighbor.”

Does he pray for lost friends and takes advantage of opportunities to engage them in spiritual conversations so he might be able to tell them about Christ?

6. Is he honest about the little things in life?

Integrity means there’s a consistency between a person’s beliefs and behavior or between his character and creed. Does he have a reputation for being trustworthy, or is he known for trying to cleverly cut ethical corners?

A close friend of mine said her boyfriend’s character was revealed when a waiter accidentally gave them the bill for another table. Instead of pointing out the error, he tried to quickly pay the lesser amount and leave – until she stopped him.

There is no such thing as a minor lapse of integrity. Seemingly small acts of dishonesty often reveal the true state of a person’s heart. The Godly walk with integrity, says Proverbs 20:7.

7. Does he take responsibility for his actions?

Is he quick to candidly admit when he has made a mistake or does he try to justify his actions even when they were clearly wrong? Does he gloss over his own sinfulness or blame others for things he did?

Healthy believers don’t try to pass the buck, pin the blame on somebody else, or refuse to acknowledge our actions. Instead, they admit errors and sinfulness, seek forgiveness from God and from others who might have been harmed, make restitution when possible, and go on. They are also determined not to let a similar situation happen again.

8. Does he possess humility?

Jesus spoke out forcefully against pride, and Micah 6:8 says that true spirituality involves walking humbly with God. Does this individual always have to be right all the time? Does he hog credit or generously praise the contributions of others? Does he constantly put himself first and think he knows better than everyone else?

Humility is not a false piety that denies the strengths God has given. It does not involve putting ourselves down and wallowing in insecurity or self-pity. Humility is a quiet recognition that all we have and are comes from God. It is an attitude that is open to new insights and has little concern about inflating our ego or enhancing our image.

9. What does he choose to feed his mind?

What kind of books does he read, music does he listen to, video games does he play, internet sites does he visit, and movies does he watch?

Philippians 4:8 says, Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable – if anything is excellent or praiseworthy – think about such things.

As Paul urged: Be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Conclusion:

This checklist isn’t intended to be rigidly applied. While all Christians are continually growing to become more like Jesus, this is a process that varies in pace from individual to individual

Perhaps these questions have even raised concerns about some areas of your own life that you need to address before God.

In any event, raising these issues can help us diagnose the general condition of the other person’s Christian life. Don’t flinch from being honest as you seek answers. Keep in mind that self-interest — such as romantic feelings toward the other person — can fog otherwise clear thinking.

10 Ways Singles Need to Take Care of THEMSELVES

Human beings are magnetic. We’re drawn to people who are on similar levels of emotional, spiritual, and psychological health as we are.

This is why self-care and health are such a crucial part of life no matter what your relationship status. The more you take care of yourself, the more you propel yourself to a better place, where you’ll naturally attract (and be attracted to) people who are also at a “better place”.

So, I asked singles to tell me: What are the BEST things you do to take care of yourself? I loved the answers so much, I decided to share them with you. Here are some of my favourites, summarized into 10 categories. I hope they inspire you, encourage you, and challenge you to see the incredible importance of taking care of YOURSELF. 

1.      GET CONNECTED WITH GOOD PEOPLE: “Surround yourself with good, encouraging, and godly people who will build you up and not tear you down.” “I get together with a mixed group of singles and marrieds once a week for bible study/social hangout which is great for variety.” “Spending time with my family while I have the chance!” “Having a community is THE BEST thing you can do for yourself when you are single.”

2.      TAKE SOME TIME TO SEE THE WORLD: “Travel. I make sure to take at least 2 trips a year, domestic or international. I always feel better after getting out of town for a bit.”

3.      DEEPEN YOUR RELATIONSHIP WITH JESUS: “Time-outs spent with God by myself are the best things.” “I turn to God’s Word” “Write to God in my journal”.

4.      READ A LOT OF GOOD BOOKS: “Read books that promote emotional & spiritual health.

5.      FIND AN ACCOUNTABILITY PARTNER TO KEEP YOU ON TRACK: “I spend time in meaningful conversations with other single female friends and keep accountable with them.”

6.      GET COUNSELLING: “See a therapist!” “There’s no better investment than getting yourself emotionally and mentally healthy”

7.      TAKE CARE OF YOUR BODY: “Setting a goals, exercise, prayer, reading, eating the right food and stay optimistic.” “Try regular massages, manicures and pedicures!”

8.      LIVE IN THE MOMENT: “Star-gazing, being outside walking in the rain, sunrises & sunsets, and going for long drives.” “Go for long walks.”

9.      SET GOALS FOR YOURSELF: “Try a vision board collage.” “Write down your goals.”

10.  GET PLUGGED INTO CHURCH: “I like to keep busy with going to church, ladies conferences, bible studies anything to feed my spirit.” “Go to church/community groups!”

By Debra Fileta

What Makes a Woman Marriage Material

Have you ever wondered what guys are looking for in a wife?

Or maybe you’re a man, and you’ve dated a few women, but never felt like someone was “marriage material”.

In looking at my own relationship with my wife, and the relationships of those around me that have been successful, I’ve noticed that here are a few traits that make a woman “marriage material”. Of course this list is not the end-all-be-all, but for me, these were important factors in choosing the woman I wanted to get to know, and ultimately marry. 

COMPASSION: Nothing melts a man’s heart more than a woman who exudes love and compassion for others. The first weekend I met my wife Deb, the one thing that stuck out to me was how big her heart was. (I also thought she was unbelievably gorgeous, which is always a plus…). But what truly meant the most to me was hearing about her mission work to orphanages in the Middle East, and her ongoing work in the States with at-risk inner city youth. She wasn’t just talking the talk, she was living it out. 

The reason compassion is so attractive to a man, is because true compassion stems directly from the heart of Christ. When God’s love fills a person, that love begins to overflow into all areas of their life and impact those around them. That’s something that stood out to me in my wife-to-be, because it wasn’t a love that was being given in order to receive, it was a supernatural love that was being given freely because of what Jesus had done in her life. That, in and of itself, spoke volumes to the kind of wife she would one day be.

DIRECTION: We’re all traveling through the journey of life, and it’s our hope that one day someone will be journeying by our side. But the thing is, the person who ends up next to you has a huge impact on the direction your life will take. A key quality to being marriage material is a woman who has direction. 

Direction doesn’t necessarily mean that she is going to be a neurosurgeon or big-shot attorney, and isn’t synonymous with how much money she is going to make or how successful she will be. Direction is when a person realizes their God-given talent and purpose in life and begins to run in that direction with all their heart. When I met Deb, she was in graduate school for counselling. To be honest, I knew almost nothing about the field. But as she talked about it, I could see the excitement and passion in her eyes. Now, 10 years later, I have so much respect and appreciation for what she does because I see the huge impact she makes one life at a time.

The important thing to note about direction is that it goes above and beyond your career. It’s about understanding what God has gifted you to do, and then doing it well: whether that be your career, your ministry, or your relationships.

Find someone who is consistently following God, and you can be sure that your marriage will always be moving in the right direction.

CONFIDENCE: There is nothing more attractive than a woman who is secure in who she is and knows her value. I think one of the biggest problems today facing women is an identity crisis perpetuated by our media, our movies, and the entire entertainment industry. But the most beautiful thing a woman can be is wrapped up in the understanding of her intrinsic value, a God-given value that can’t be taken away. There is something undeniably attractive about that, because let’s be honest, it’s rare. All these photo-shopped images of women that we see all around us are actually so far removed from the very things that a godly man finds attractive. It’s my hope that more and more women would realize that they are beautiful simply because they are made in God’s image: mind, body, and spirit- and then begin to live out that beauty. 

Side note to the men: Don’t fall into the lies of pornography, or thinking that a woman is beautiful simply because she falls under the standards of society. That beauty is truly only skin deep, and won’t survive a life-time of ups and downs in marriage and raising children.

The first time I actually met Deb, I thought she was one of the most beautiful women I had ever met and was undeniably attracted to her. But though her external beauty caught my eye, it’s not what kept me. What kept me was her internal beauty and identity in Christ – that’s what won my heart. “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting, but a woman who fears the Lord shall be praised….”

To all of you men looking for a woman who is marriage material, or for the women who are trying to become it – remember this: becoming marriage material is so much more than simply trying to get married. Ultimately, it’s about becoming all that God has called you to be. Achieving these traits don’t guarantee you a spouse, but they do guarantee that you’re becoming mature, healthy, and more like Christ along the way. And that, my friends, is an incredible place to be. 

 by Debra Fileta