SAYING GOODBYE TO THE ONE

I had dated a guy on and off for years; we just always knew that we would one day be together. If we take it way back, I met him at a party over the Christmas break after my first semester in school.

He was good looking and he was kind. From the distance he was speaking to me, as he began to approach me, he said, “One day you’re gonna be my wife.”

My initial reaction was: Yeah right, get this guy away from me. No matter how mean I was, he stuck around—he just didn’t get the hint. I gave him my contact. I know I said he was a bit annoying, but I actually enjoyed his boldness more than my outer appearance and reactions displayed.

Fast forward a few years: we stayed in touch when I transferred across the states and back. At one point he asked me to marry him, but I chickened out and stopped talking to him. He was seven years older than me and he wanted nothing more than to get married. I must say I wanted to get married too, but somehow, someway, God allowed me not to feel at peace. That and I was stuck on the fact that he said, “I think we’d have fun together.”

After a few more years, we started to see each other again. He said, “I thought we would have already been together by now.” This time around I was in transition, I was deciding to go back to school to cultivate the vision that God had placed in my heart. While I was starting this new chapter, we were ending the old. It was a very hard decision for me, as he was such a good guy, kind, a provider, and very attentive. Overall, he knew me. I was so comfortable with him, I told him my silly jokes and daily stories and he listened.

But on the same token, the dreams of which I told him—he believed in. However, I could tell it was something he didn’t want for himself.

You see, he had a vision for his life and it didn’t match up to where I was going, and vice-versa. Early on in our unofficial relationship he said, “Maybe I should just go to the hood and get a girl who wants to be a stay-at-home wife.” Don’t get me wrong, there is nothing wrong with being a stay-at-home wife (or being from the hood), as there is a season for everything. However, I didn’t feel as though that season was where God had me. And, there were other things that didn’t sit well with me as well. If I would have stayed, I would have had to conform to what he wanted; eventually not going towards the land that God was promising me.

“I would have been settling to be everything for someone else, but losing all that God had placed in me.”

That semester on through the entirety of the program, I continued to work on what God had called me to even though I was heartbroken. I continued to walk forward, even when it was me having to leave behind what I thought my future was supposed to look like. Although our directions split and it was very heartbreaking, I know that God has someone better for me where He is calling me to go.

“If God is calling you to do something, expect that sometimes God will also cause you to say goodbye to those who may not be good for you in the seasons to come.”

Ladies, the guy may be amazing, yet amazing for someone else. He may be very vision-oriented, yet be unequally yoked. God is an all-seeing God, who knows everything—He is Alpha and Omega, the beginning and the end. If you are in that season, trust and surrender to what God is trying to do in that season. Count it as a blessing, let go and trust God as you are reaching an unknown season.

By Sasha

Do you have a story similar to Sasha’s? Share to inspire others.

Contact:

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+2348094668843

STOP BEING OKAY WITH CRAPPY RELATIONSHIPS

Do you find yourself wondering if you’re in a toxic relationship? 

Maybe you’ve been there. Or maybe you know someone who has.

Maybe you find yourself in a dating relationship in which things aren’t the way you had hoped.

Maybe the disappointment has just started settling in — or maybe you’ve been struggling for years.

Maybe you’ve even spent your energy trying to block out the still, small, voice telling you that something just isn’t right. And now, here it is again.

Whether a newbie to toxic relationships, or a veteran….you’re here because there’s a relationship in your life that’s just not the way it should be. Something is wrong.

Maybe it’s that guy, who doesn’t seem to be as interested in you as you are in him.

Maybe it’s the girl who never seems to take initiative in your relationship.

Maybe it’s that person who keeps saying “I’m going to change” and then never does.

Maybe it’s that nasty argument you had last night, that keeps happening again, and again, and again, like a bad song on repeat.

Maybe it’s those lies and secrets that you keep trying to pretend don’t exist.

Maybe it’s the fact that you’re not, and never have been, on the same page spiritually.

Maybe it’s because you find yourself always having to be someone you’re not.

Maybe it’s that on again, off again, emotional roller coaster ride that you’ve been dealing with for God only knows how long.

Or maybe, just maybe, it’s even more severe.

Maybe it’s abuse.

Maybe it’s addictions.

Maybe it’s betrayal.

A toxic relationship can come in many forms. No matter what it is for you, crappy relationships exist when there’s a pattern of unhealthy behaviors, feelings, or interactions in a dating relationship. Things that keep coming up, time and time again. Unhealthy patterns that aren’t changing and aren’t going away.

Sometimes, you can be in a relationship for so long that you stop seeing how unhealthy it really is until someone points it out. And even then, you try to make excuses. You try to ignore it. You try to pretend that it’s all okay. But deep down, in the silence and quiet of the night, you find yourself struggling with that sinking feeling.

How did I end up here?

I wish I could answer that question for you. I wish I could sit down with you, and hear your entire story from start to finish, and help you work through that important question.

But what I will tell you is this: the more you love yourself, the faster you’ll notice when something in a relationship just isn’t right.

The more you love yourself, the easier it will be to recognize a relationship in which you’re not really loved.

Because LOVE isn’t a feeling. It’s not an empty word.

Love is a decision.

Love is not just something we feel, love is something we see. It’s an action played out day in and day out that portrays patience, kindness, gentleness, and self-control. It doesn’t display envy, it’s not rude, and it’s not arrogant.

Love is a choice someone makes to treat you the way you deserve to be treated.

Anything less than that, is not really love at all.

And maybe you know that. But maybe, just maybe, you just needed to hear it again. Because the truth is, relationships don’t just magically change when you get married. What you see in dating, you will ALWAYS see in marriage…multiplied by a factor of one hundred. Because marriage is like a pressure cooker, and everything you put in there get’s magnified and intensified. So if there’s something in a relationship that’s not changing…maybe it’s time to let it go. 

My prayer for you is that this new year you learn to see yourself for what you are TRULY WORTH. Loved, valued, and worthy…because of a God who made you in His very image. That same God looks at you and longs for you to seek out a relationships that reflects the deep and ferocious love HE feels for you. Because love like this….well, it’s all part of His plan.

Whoever you are, whatever you’re going through, and whatever you’ve done…May this be your year of new beginnings. May this be the year that you finally LET GO of crappy relationships once and for all, and open your heart to something greater.

If you find yourself struggling to let go of a bad relationship, or constantly involved in unhealthy ones, It’s time to make some changes in your life, and there’s no better time to start than RIGHT NOW.

Contact:                                                                                      

HeartPrints Planet

www.heartprintsplanet.blogspot.com

heartprintsplaet@gmail.com

djaygodday@gmail.com

+2348094668843

WHY YOU SHOULD NEVER RUSH A RELATIONSHIP

A few years ago, I met a young woman who was rushing into a relationship. According to her, she had met the “man of her dreams”.

She’d met him one day when he came into her workplace, and they had been getting to know one another for a few days.

“He’s absolutely amazing. He’s everything I’ve ever prayed for.”

But, according to her description, he was charming, kind, sweet, and romantic. He claimed to have a relationship with God, and was willing to do anything to make this relationship work. Her prayers had been answered, she said.

I hesitated to hear her words, because let’s get real: she’d known the guy for 3 whole weeks. “Absolutely amazing” isn’t a trait that’s revealed overnight, it takes months – and years- of time witnessing someone’s life to know what they’re really made of.

When it comes to relationships, time is one of the greatest gifts you have.

You may be single, and feeling like the single life has lasted an eternity. Time may be the LAST thing you want to hear about. You’re sick of waiting, and grieving every moment that has passed you by. You may be tempted to rush into a relationship with someone you don’t know that well, or commit to someone to whom you have some fears and hesitation.

But hear this:

I have NEVER in my life met someone who REGRETTED taking their time to get in a relationship; people only regret RUSHING into the wrong ones.

And that’s no small mistake, because it will cost you everything.

You may be wondering what happened to the woman I mentioned above. About three months into their relationship, she started seeing the true colors of her boyfriend. She began to see glimpses of rage, control, deceit and alcohol abuse. But at that point, she had felt like she had committed too much of her life to simply walk away, and so she endured, and tried to make it work. Let’s just say that year was a very painful year for her, one that I do not wish upon anyone.

This is no joke, my friends.

I can’t tell you how my heart breaks upon reading emails like the one from a newly-wed who referred to her marriage after a very rushed season of dating as, “the worst decision I have ever made in my life…”.

Allow time to reveal to you what your significant other, and what your relationship, is really made of.

And until then, TAKE the time to become the best version of yourself so that you can be ready when the right relationship, and the right timing, comes along.

To be continue…

YOU CAN FALL IN LOVE WITH THE WRONG PERSON

 “I know she wanted to fall in love. I just hope she fell in love with the right guy.”

I

f you follow my blog posts, you’ll know that I’m not a fan of the philosophy that says there is “just one person” out there for each of us to marry. I don’t believe in finding “the one“, but I do believe that once you choose someone to marry – they become “the one“. 

So, when I say “I hope she fell in love with the right guy”, I’m not referring to the theoretical needle-in-the-haystack. I’m not hoping that she stumbled across, “the one and only one” for her life. No, that’s not what I mean at all. 

When I say that I hope she fell in love with the right guy, what I mean is that I hope she fell in love with someone who’s a right match for her life. Someone who is a good match for her life.

Finding someone who is a good match for our lives is something people don’t often think about, especially in the wake of the hangover of “feeling in love”.

But when we follow our feelings into love, we can also follow our feelings right back out of love.

There’s got to be more keeping us than feelings.

Do you believe it’s possible to fall in love with the wrong person?

I get that question thrown at me often. So, I will go ahead and wholeheartedly say, YES – I do believe it’s possible to fall in love with the wrong person. In fact, I think it happens all the time, every single day. 

As a counselor, I work with many couples who come to me with major problems and issues that have surfaced through marriage.

They might have differences in their communication abilities, problems with how they manage conflict, deep seated issues or traumatic experiences they’ve never dealt with, personality differences, etc. But other times, there are much bigger problems. Honesty issues. Trust issues. Addictive behaviors. Character problems. Power struggles. 

There are so many red flags that get ignored or shoved under the table in the name of “falling in love”. Yet if we’re actively looking for them, the red flags of marriage often trace back to the red flags in dating. 

So many times, we look to chemistry to tell us what works in a marriage rather than looking at compatibility.

But when chemistry wanes, all that’s left is a lack of compatibility that brings people to the harsh reality that maybe, just maybe, they fell in love with the wrong person. That maybe, just maybe, they didn’t make the wisest marital choice when it came to finding the things that really matter in a relationship: character, connection, and compatibility. 

The majority of my audiences are Christian singles, looking ahead at marriage. I write this article primarily for you. I want you to realize that it is possible to “fall in love” with the wrong person, and when you let feelings lead the way you will end up getting hurt every single time.

Feelings have got to be part of the equation, but there’s got to be more than feelings. Because there’s so much more to a healthy, life-long marriage than how we feel about someone in the moment. Take a few steps back by understanding who you are, so that you know the type of person who fits into your story from the type of person who doesn’t.

CHOOSING MARRIAGE

But even as I write these words, I am fully aware that there are those of you reading this who feel like you’ve made a bad marital choice. You ignored all the red flags and warning signs, and married the “wrong person”. You committed your life to someone who wasn’t the best match for your life – worse yet, someone who wasn’t a match at all. 

You rushed into love on the wave of feelings, and now the wave has crashed and you find yourself drowning in its midst. 

My encouragement to you is this: even if you didn’t choose a good match, you can still become a good match. There are choices that you can make TODAY, to build a better marriage for TOMORROW. Choices to get you healthy, and move your relationship toward healthy as well. It’s possible. It’s achievable. And it’s absolutely worth the process.

I have seen God take two people, so far from my expectation of a good match, and weave their broken lives together in a remarkable way. He is the Healer of all things, and as He begins to heal you from the inside out, He can also heal your relationship. The process won’t be easy, and it won’t be without it’s fair share of work. But the outcome will be worth it.  

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP

Maybe you found yourself completely blind-sided, on the receiving end of saying goodbye to a relationship you weren’t quite ready to let go of.

Or maybe you’re the one who broke it off, because you’re just not seeing the signs of a healthy relationship that you’re looking for. No matter what your story, breakups are hard. Really, really hard.

If you’re here, you’re probably looking for some answers and some practical steps to healing your heart and moving forward. You’re wondering how to get over a breakup, and if it’s even possible to heal.

As a professional counselor who specializes in relationships, let me remind you that first and foremost, healing from a breakup takes time. I’ve heard it said that it takes half as much time to get over a relationship as the time you spent in the relationship.

That might be good news if the relationship lasted a few months, but what about those relationships that end after a few years? I find that advice hard to swallow, because I believe that time heals a lot – but there are also some things YOU CAN DO to facilitate your healing to move “a little bit faster” just like there are things you can do to slow down your healing as well.

HOW TO GET OVER A BREAKUP

If you’re wondering how to get over a breakup in a practical way, here’s ten things I recommend. Don’t just do one of them. Do them all. Because the more you do, the easier it will be to begin moving forward.

STOP INTERACTING

Politely stop texting/messaging/calling by slowly decreasing frequency until it’s not happening. Your best bet to moving forward is to stop interacting. Don’t make excuses. Set boundaries, and stick to them if you really want to heal.

SAY NO TO SOCIAL

Stop following your ex on social media and checking up on their profiles. Seeing their life on a regular basis through social media is likely to bring you back into a rut of pain and heartache.

KEEP IT PUBLIC

If you HAVE to be around each other for work, church, etc. make sure it’s always in a group and don’t fall into the temptation of talking alone. Stay away from one-on-one settings and conversations so your heart doesn’t get pulled back into exclusivity.

BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES, BOUNDARIES

Treat them with the boundaries you would put into place if you WERE in a relationship with someone else.Imagining you’re in a relationship helps you recognize what you WOULD and WOULD’NT do with someone of the opposite sex. Thinking of it that way helps you see when you’re crossing the line. So, be sure to guard your heart.

MAKE A LIST

Make a list of the reasons why you broke up, and why they are not good for you, and review that list when you struggle. Sometimes you need to REMIND yourself why you broke up. And there are reasons. So write them out, read through them, and preach to yourself when you need it.

GET ACCOUNTABILITY

Invite someone into your life to hold you accountable with the boundaries you’re setting. Give someone a list of reasons why you broke up, and ask them to keep you accountable with how you’re interacting with your ex.

PRAY AGAINST EMOTIONAL BONDS

Pray, and ask God to break the emotional bond that you might be holding on to. I believe that there are emotional bonds that form when we’re in a long term relationship that doesn’t pan out. And the more physical/sexual you’ve been (check out this podcast about how far is too far before marriage), the deeper those emotional bonds can go. Invite God into this process, through prayer, and ask Him to break the bonds that exist, and free your heart to move forward.

CONTROL YOUR THOUGHTS

Get control of your thought life. Don’t allow yourself to spend too much time reliving the past. Because reliving it will keep you stuck in it. Instead, work towards a shift in perspective. Remind yourself that letting go of the old frees you to receive something new. Shift your focus and keep your eyes on the future, not the past.

FILL THE VOID

Idleness is a recipe for disaster…and a slippery slope back to your past. When you breakup with someone, you take something OUT of your life, so you need to put something back in in order to deal with that void in a healthy way. Fill your life with healthy people and activities because boredom and loneliness are a recipe for back-tracking.

GET HEALTHY

When you’re healthy, your radar is on point and you recognize the type of relationships that are no good for you. So getting healthy emotionally, spiritually, and psychologically will keep you moving forward and prevent you from slipping backward.

Getting over a breakup is a process, but if you take these steps seriously, you’ll push yourself in the direction of healing.

Dating Mistakes To Stop Making

As a professional counsellor specializing in relationships, no matter where you are in your pursuit of relationships, there is one thing I know to be true for all of us:

When it comes to relationships in particular—you can’t do the same things in the same way and expect different results.

No matter how much you hope, pray and dream for good things in your relationships, for many of you, good things will only come when – by God’s grace – you learn to make better, wiser and healthier choices.

As you reflect on your relationships this new year, here are some mistakes that you may need to acknowledge, and then take ownership of as you seek to engage in healthier relationships:

Dating Mistakes: #1 –

STOP LETTING THE WRONG PEOPLE INTO YOUR LIFE

One of the biggest relationship mistakes people make has less to do with what they do in a relationship, and more to do with who they choose to enter a relationship with.

We can spend so much time thinking about what we want in someone of the opposite sex without ever taking the time to think through what we don’t want—and what we won’t settle for. When it comes to finding love, there are some red flags that simply cannot be ignored for the prospect of a healthy relationship.

Think through the people you allowed into your life and ask yourself if they were the kind of people who built you up, or tore you down. Healthy relationships will always add more to your life than they take.

Dating Mistakes: #2 –

DON’T ALLOW YOUR PHYSICAL RELATIONSHIP TO LEAD THE WAY

As Christians, it’s easy to get sick and tired of hearing the “waiting until marriage” rhetoric. But we’re not just talking about sex here.

When it comes to dating, it’s easy to allow the physical interactions of your relationship to take the lead before you know what happened. But time and time again, I hear from both married and unmarried couples alike about the harm that encompasses those who allow their physical relationship to lead the way.

There is certainly a time and place for physical affection in a dating relationship. But letting the physical lead the way will always skew your judgment, heighten your emotions and fool your concept of commitment. When the physical attributes of your relationship take control, they have the power to ruin a relationship. That’s something worth avoiding as you strive for healthy relationships.

Dating Mistakes: #3 –

STOP BELIEVING THAT YOU ARE WORTH LESS

There is so much truth to the concept that you will always attract the kind of relationship you believe you deserve. Human beings are magnetic, and we tend to both attract and choose people who are similar to us in our level of emotional and spiritual health. In the end, we always attract the kind of relationship we think we’re worth. 

Maybe part of the problems you’ve had in your past is that you didn’t believe you are worth more. Maybe you’ve allowed yourself to settle for relationships that you knew, deep down, were not for your good. As you move on this new year, take the time to consider what you are worth and how that plays into your relationship choices.

Dating Mistakes: #4 –

DON’T AVOID TALKING TO GOD ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIPS

It’s embarrassing how simple yet profound this statement is, especially when it comes to Christian dating advice. Why we don’t take the time to talk to the Almighty God of the Universe who knows all things and can make all things happen is simply mind-boggling to me.

He knows what’s best for our lives, and he knows what we need to get us there. Why not go to him for wisdom, for hope and for healing? Why not seek him with our questions, our pain and our problems? There are SO many different ways you can pray for your relationship – even one that doesn’t yet exist! Because whether or not you’re even in a relationship- this one small act a day has the potential of changing your entire life. 

Dating Mistakes: #5 –

DON’T DOWNPLAY THE IMPORTANCE OF BOUNDARIES

When it comes to Christian dating advice, many people talk a lot about the dangers of the physical in a dating relationship, but then don’t talk much about the emotional. Yet in my opinion, emotional intimacy can be just as damaging as physical intimacy if we’re not careful to proceed with caution.

As you proceed in 2019, maybe it’s time to take inventory of your emotional health and the boundaries you’ve put up to protect your heart. Getting too emotionally intimate too quickly has ruined many relationships, because your heart is precious, and something that needs to be handled with care.

Seek to set emotional boundaries in your life and protect your heart this new year.

We’ve all made mistakes. But it’s most important that we learn from those mistakes, and then strive to never let them happen again.