3 THINGS TO REMEMBER WHEN RELATIONSHIPS END

I’m a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. Not by coincidence or chance, but for a purpose. The reason doesn’t always present itself right away, but usually it is for our good. Sometimes the reason is staring us right in our face but it’s hard for us to accept. Particularly when it comes to relationships or matters of the heart.

Relationships can be rough especially if we try to take matters into our own hands when God has already spoken. When a relationship ends it can feel like the end of the world for most of us. Whether it’s a friendship, courtship, or business relationship, it hurts!

Here are 3 things to remember when relationships end:

YOUR DESTINY IS NEVER TIED TO SOMEONE WHO WALKS AWAY FROM YOU. 

Healing is a process. You can’t heal if you’re constantly speaking defeat over your situation. I’ve heard women say…

“He was my one true love. I don’t think I’ll ever find someone else like him.”

“I’ll never love anyone as much as I love him“.

“He was my one shot at love and I think I blew it.”

“He was my “soulmate”. There will never be another“.

Does any of this sound familiar? The funny thing is most if not all of the women I’ve heard say this are now happily married, engaged, or in a relationship with hopes of getting married. God eventually revealed His beautiful plan in these ladies lives, but not until they were ready. It wasn’t until they decided to lay their burdens down at His feet and trust His will. It wasn’t until they realized life goes on.

IT WILL GET BETTER.

While in college, I had a friend who committed suicide following a breakup with her boyfriend. For years I was consumed with guilt. I would often think back to her last day on earth, she called me… I didn’t answer. Maybe if I had answered and reminded her that “It will get better”, she would still be here. She just wanted the pain to end. Here she was 19 years old, had her whole life ahead of her, yet she couldn’t see life beyond this young man.

If you’re going through a difficult breakup, just know that it will get better. God heals all wounds. You don’t have to suffer alone. Whenever you start to think evil thoughts, Read your bible, Pray, and call a loved one who can offer spiritual guidance and Godly advice.

Whatever you do, don’t allow the enemy to use this difficult time to get you right where he wants you.

BE CAREFUL WHAT YOU PRAY FOR

Some of us are praying for a husband. Nothing wrong with that. The problem is… some of us are in relationships with people who are not intended to be our husband. In this case, You can’t get mad at God when He removes the wrong one from your life to make room for the right one.

With that being said, you have two choices:

1. Let God guide you through the healing process and prepare you while you wait patiently for the right one.

2. Become bitter, Live in reverse, and Refuse to move forward.

If you are bold enough to pray the prayer you have to be wise enough to trust God with the outcome.

THE “T” MISTAKES MAKE WHEN DATING

If you’re ready for “the one”, avoid these three mistakes when dating:

Type:

We settle when it comes to the type we want. We lower our standards in an attempt to make them who we want them to be instead of seeing them for who they really are.  We say we want a Godly man, but as soon as that “fine” brother who is not living according to God’s word comes along, suddenly a Godly man is not all that important.  We say we want someone who will respect our “No sex before marriage” rule, but as soon as that “fine” brother who can’t keep his hands to himself comes along, suddenly Celibacy is not all that important.

Another thing to understand is that yes, every relationship will have its ups and downs. I understand there’s no such thing as a perfect relationship. However, we sometimes get a little too comfortable with the downs outweighing the ups. Dating is a precursor for marriage. So in other words, what you see… is what you get. The problems you get comfortable with dealing with in a dating relationship, will be the same problems you will deal with in your marriage. We should never marry potential, Always marry reality.

Take for example, when we buy a used car, sometimes they are sold “AS IS”. This means that we are agreeing to accept anything that may be wrong with it. You assume full responsibility. Some defects may be visible, some you may not be able to see right away.

The same applies in a dating relationship. We sometimes know exactly what we’re getting ourselves into. This person is showing you who they are up front, but you’re so blinded by who you want them to be.

So ask yourself “Can I see myself married to this person, “AS IS”?”

Time:

We don’t invest the time to really get to know the person. Notice I just pointed out that “what you see… is what you get”. Sometimes this isn’t the case. The person we thought we knew turns out to be someone completely different and I don’t mean that in a good way. In the beginning of any relationship, this is when we try to impress one another. We want to show this person how we are so different and better than anyone he/she has ever dated.  Why we are worthy of being with. Why they should love us over everyone else. However, If we spend a little more time getting to really know a person and praying for God’s will, eventually their true colours will show. But you can’t pray for God to reveal these things to you and then dismiss them when He shows you they are not the one for you.

When you go to the airport, you can’t arrive at the airport 15 minutes before the plane takes off right? Why is that? Because they have to check you out. They’re going to make sure you’re exactly who you say you are by checking your I.D. They’re going to check your baggage and even do a full body check to make sure you’re not hiding anything. They do all of this before you get on the plane because they know that once you get on the plane, you can possibly bring them down if they don’t take the time to check you out.

Look at your relationship in the same way. You have to make sure you check them out to make sure they’re exactly who they say they are. You have to check what kind of baggage they’re bringing into your relationship. Again… dating is a precursor for marriage so we should use this time wisely to get to know them. If we find that they are not who they say they are, we have the option of getting out of the relationship instead of going into a marriage thinking marriage will solve our issues.

Truth:

We are not truthful with ourselves when it comes to our expectations.  Often times, when dating, we have this long list of things we want the other person to be. There’s nothing wrong with having a type or having standards as I’ve said before, but before you crucify or dismiss someone else, make sure you are the type of person you would like to attract. Ask yourself… “Am I being the type of person I expect my mate to be?” You want a Godly man, but are you a Godly woman? You want someone who can bring something to the table, but what are you willing to bring to the table? I always say, marriage is not 50/50. It’s each person giving their 100%. Never expect to receive what you are not willing to give (respect, honesty, love etc.) and never make your happiness someone else’s responsibility. It’s good to take the time to make sure you’re with the right person, but don’t forget to take the time out to make sure you are being the right person for them, for yourself, and most importantly, for God!

PLAYERS IN THE CHURCH

“Adam & Eve weren’t married, “he said.

I was dumbfounded. I couldn’t believe my boyfriend, a minister in training, was trying to convince me to sleep with him prior to marriage by using Bible characters.

When I persisted in saying no, he told me my desire to abstain was a “good goal,” but wasn’t realistic.

This man wasn’t the only “church player” I dated prior to meeting and marrying my husband. Another man warned me not to be “so heavenly minded that I was no earthly good.” I found out later that he was messing around with many sisters in the church. He actually told me after we broke up that he’d made a list of women he wanted to try to date. It was all a game to him!

Have you ever dated a church player? These are men who profess to be Christian, who may even be active in the church and are highly respected by people in the congregation, but they take advantage of the fact that women are taught to wait on the Lord to send them a man. They know that churches are made up of almost 80-90% of women. And they know that many of the single women haven’t been on a date in a long time and have been taught not to date men outside of the church.

These guys manipulate you with religious clichés like, “God said you’re my wife,” and “you’re my good thing.” They make you feel like they want to marry you, but have no intention of settling down with you. They’re after one thing, and once they get it, they’ll use more scriptures to justify why you need to break up!

Why does this happen in our churches which are supposed to be safe places for us?

Listen to the confession from this 40-year-old, divorced church player who came clean about his bad-boy behaviour to author Sophia Nelson in her book, Black Woman Redefined:

“These women are like whores. I know it is wrong to use that term, but in my church, it is something like thirty-two to one, and the sisters let it all hang out. I am enjoying myself. I never knew such sexual freedom existed, but I would never marry one of these women. I know it is a double standard, but I am a man, and the world is not going to judge me as it does a woman. Worse, the pastor knows what goes on in here too, and he simply looks the other way.”

This self-proclaimed Christian man is manipulating the double-standard that exists in churches. Women are told to “act like a lady,” “stay out of the flesh,” and “keep your legs closed.” Then, when a man succeeds in melting her defences and leaves her without the ring, she is shamed, blamed and humiliated.

The pain is so great for a woman who has been hurt by a church player that she tends to tighten up her belt of righteousness, build up walls around her heart, and focus solely on her faith. These women struggle with dating because they’re afraid of getting hurt again.

So what’s the solution? How can sisters protect themselves from church players without becoming so defensive that they shut all men out of their lives?

Honestly, we as a community need to have some real and raw conversations about this for the sake of healing our sisters and transforming our men.

To get started, here are four areas to consider:

1. We need to hold our church leaders accountable. The “boys will be boys” way of thinking needs to go, from the pews to the pulpit! Let’s expect our men to honour God, honour women and honour themselves. And let’s heal whatever it is that’s broken in these church players so that they can stop preying on others.

2. We need to rethink the ways we talk about sexuality in the church. Shaming women and holding them responsible for men’s bad behaviour isn’t working, especially when you think about the centuries of abuse and trauma Black women have suffered at the hands of men they’ve loved.

God created sex and he created marriage, but if we continue with the “touch not, handle not” approach to teaching about sexuality, we’ll lose our sisters.

3. We need to heal ourselves. I spoke with a man who said that’s it’s a known fact that churches are filled with hurting women and guys will prey upon them. It’s time to disconnect from the pain of the past, sisters, so you don’t fall victim to the half-truths church players use to get what they want.

4. We need to teach the truth. If you’re constantly hearing things like, “online dating is a sin,” “women need to sit down somewhere and be found,” or “God’s will is for you to stay single but you’d better not have sex,” have the courage to think for yourself and search out the truth. God doesn’t use shame, blame or guilt to motivate us!

Find a life-giving church to attend that will teach you practical ways to date, court and get married that will honour God and keep you fulfilled. That way, when a church player comes with his one liners, you’ll see right through him!

What would you add to the list? 

By: Aesha Adams Roberts 

WHEN CHRISTIAN MEN BREAK YOUR HEART

I couldn’t believe it happened to me. My first heartbreak came from a man of God. He was actually

the son of a preacher, with aspirations to lead his own flock one day. Out of all the silly, mediocre relationships I’d been in that amounted to nothing, I just knew I hit the jackpot when I started dating my man of God. I just knew we’d get married and live happily ever after. Why? Because, he was a Christian man. He wouldn’t leave me. He wouldn’t break my heart. Blah blah, blah…  I can’t decide what hurt me the most: the fact that he chose another woman over me, or the fact that a man of God actually broke my heart.

As I write this post, I’m struggling with what NOT to say, but it must be said. Some (huge emphasis on some) Christian men have done a terrible job on helping guard the hearts of their sister’s in the church. I’ve seen it, up close and personal. I’ve experienced it. I’ve seen men almost go through entire congregations and friendship circles, in an effort to find their wife. In some cases, I’ve seen men go so far as to proposing to a woman, have her uproot her entire life to be with him, only to say, “Oops, God said you’re not the one.”

God said. Now let’s repeat it in the form of a question, God said? I too, was hit with the “God said you’re not my wife” line. It even happened during the middle of a date. That line always confused me, because if these men were listening to God to hear him say I wasn’t the one, then how come they didn’t hear God tell them not to approach me in the first place? Unsolved mysteries right?

Before you guys begin to label me as a “Bitter Black Woman”, please know that I’m not. I’m now married to the man of my dreams. God knows I’m not trying to place all the blame on men, but it took me being pursued by my husband, to realize the huge responsibility men in the church have. The ball is ALWAYS in their court.

He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the LORD. Proverbs 18:22

HE who finds a wife. Not SHE who finds a husband. At times, this was the hardest part about being single. I had to wait for my husband to find me. I don’t believe in women pursuing men, so when I would be approached by Christian men, I took it extremely serious. Why? I assumed these men were looking for their wife, and had taken the time to talk to God about me, before their initial approach. Boy was I wrong, on too many occasions. And because the bible says we are fearfully & wonderfully made, and made in the image of God, I assumed Christian men had this in mind when approaching women in the church. Why was I so naive? After 2 heartbreaks and a few disappointments along my love life journey, I came to the conclusion that I was to guard my own heart with diligence, like a lion (Proverbs 4:23). Depending on the integrity of some of my Christian brothers had become a detriment to my well-being.

As I stated earlier, I’m now married to the love of my life (THANK GOD), however, I’m still unfortunately witnessing this vicious cycle continue. Christian man meets Christian woman. He pursues woman. They become the new cute couple. Everyone just KNOWS they’re going to get married one day. And… it’s over. Nine times out of ten, the woman along with her friends is left scratching her head, wondering what in the world happened? Or in my case, crying her eyes out, and blaming herself for another failed relationship. Who’s to blame?

If you ask me, I blame the men for quickly jumping into relationships as a way to hydrate their thirstiness, failing to ask themselves “Is this my life partner?”, and wait for God to answer. However, on the other hand, I can’t help but to wonder if us as women have done a poor job at guarding our hearts. It can be hard to find a good man in the church, so the temptation is real when one begins to show a hint of interest, which may sometimes cloud our judgement. I also believe since there’s no specific outline on how to date in the Bible, some of us are just out here winging it.

At the end of the day, all hope is not lost. I’ve been fortunate to be pursued the RIGHT way, by the man God had for me. I witnessed my brother beautifully pursue his wife. Before they entered into a relationship, my brother was taking action by being in prayer for months about his future wife, THEN he pursued her. I’m also beginning to see more women be intentional about guarding their heart. We also must be mindful not to expect too much from humans. A Christian man at the end of the day is still a man, in flesh, who isn’t perfect. One step at a time, right?

What do you think?

Do men in the church need to be more mindful when it comes to dating, or are the Christian sisters too eager to be entangled?

How can we help reduce the heartbreaks in the house hold of Faith?

Kindly drop your opinion.

BY: Nikki Carpenter  

12 APOSTLES TO LOOK FOR IN A FUTURE SPOUSE

12 is a symbol of completion and though we may argue or agree that no one is perfect as we all strive for perfection. Let these qualities be at the top of your list when looking for Mr. or Mrs. Right. Ensure your partner scores two-third of these qualities before proceeding with marriage. These qualities are arranged in no-particular order.

Physical attraction can cloud your judgment and cause you to make decisions based strictly on feelings. Be armed and dangerous while dating, and plan ahead by keeping these vital qualities in mind when making a decision on Mr. or Mrs. Right.

1.         RELATIONSHIP WITH GOD

If God is at the center of their life, you can be sure He’ll be at the center of your marriage. This is helpful because rather than fighting different battles in the flesh you can do it through the Holy Spirit.

2.         RESPECT

Watch how they treat people. When you go to a restaurant how do they treat the server? This is a huge indicator of where their heart is and how they will treat you over the long haul. You want a spouse that will value and esteem you.

3.         UNCONDITIONAL LOVE

Do they do things out of the kindness of their heart or are they opportunists? Someone who often does good deeds expecting nothing in return has learned the art of unselfishness and will be a joy to live with.

4.         HONESTY

An authentic soul is a rare jewel. If you have found someone that has this quality, hold on to them. If a person tells countless lies and shows no remorse behind it; run as fast as you can in the opposite direction.

5.         LOYALTY

This is best observed in how they treat their family and friends. Do they prioritize these relationships and make time to cultivate and maintain them? A loyal spouse is a steadfast support system in the midst of inevitable change.

6.         A CHEERLEADER

Your spouse will either be your biggest cheerleader or your greatest discouragement. Find out whether or not this person is truly interested in your dreams, wishes and aspirations. Be invested in their goals too.

 

7.         OPPOSITES ATTRACT

Do you complement each other’s strengths and weaknesses? It’s great to have things in common but it is equally important that you two will be able to sharpen one another and grow in greater maturity.

 

8.         SENSE Of HUMOR

A little laughter can go a long way and can cut through the twists and turns in life. Find someone that can make you laugh and that can bring peace to stressful situations.

9.         GOOD WITH KIDS

The ability to be gentle, kind and tender with children will be a plus if you plan on having kids. It’s not a deal breaker, but it’s nice to have a playful partner from time to time. It will keep you young and bring joy to family life.

10.       WHOLE, NOT TORN

Do they make you feel whole or torn? Emotional damage from a spouse can take the longest to heal. Your spouse should build you up and protect you emotionally. Your heart should trust safely in them.

 

11.       LISTENS WITH LOVE

Watch their listening style and see if they are truly listening or just waiting to make their next point. An active listener always considers the other person and seeks to understand before being understood.

12.       DEVOTIONAL HABIT

Do they prioritize prayer, Bible reading and quiet time with God? A person who places a value on spiritual disciplines and nurturing a proper inner life, will place value on Holy Spirit guided decisions that will bless your marriage relationship for years to come.

WEDDING OR MARRIAGE, WHICH ARE YOU PLANNING? PART 1

Many young girls are taught at some point in their lives that Prince charming is going to come along

and sweep them off their feet. Then there are those who envision their wedding day from the time they are old enough to dream about marriage. There’s a picture perfect idea in the minds of most young girls and women of how their day will play out. The beautiful dress…the lovely venue…the music…flowers…and of course the handsome husband to be…standing at the altar with tears streaming down his face.  You exchange your vows in front of all your family and friends. The fairy-tale wedding is amazing and is followed up an even more beautiful reception. As the night winds down, you are off to your fabulous honeymoon to embark on a new journey as Mr. and Mrs. As wonderful as this sounds, this was never a dream of mine.

 Well, sort of…

I dislike large weddings. I dislike wedding receptions even more. I never wanted the attention. I’m quite shy and the thought of all eyes being on me makes me extremely nervous. In my mind, I settled for a small and intimate outdoor ceremony. You know, the one similar to Jason and Sabrina’s in “Jumping the Broom”. Of course without all of the family drama!  After some self-examination, I realized that I was more infatuated with the idea of marriage than actually being married. I found myself fantasizing what it would be like. I thought about all the things I would no longer have to do. You know things like, take out the trash, rake the leaves, hire outside help to tackle home or car repairs, and my all-time favourite-shovel snow. Chicago winters are brutal! I would have someone to protect me if I heard a bump in the night. No longer would I have to creep downstairs with my weapon in tow. I mean I had a laundry list of things that he could do for “me”. I had this thing down to a science. This was going to relieve so much pressure off of me. Yeah, I had big plans for him.

Until God began speaking…

For the record, I’m a huge advocate of the word of God. I believe in marriage. I believe that God ordains marriage and it should be Christ centred. I wholehearted believe in Proverbs 18:22…which states that, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favour from the Lord.” I’m also intrigued with Genesis 2:24 “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh”.

I enjoy seeing married couples expressing their love for one another. Something about their aura gives me such joy. I tend to think only of the giddiness and can often be blinded of the reality of what marriage truly entails.

But God has a delightful way of revealing things to us. 

It wasn’t until I was having a conversation with my friend that God reminded me of my very own words spoken years before.  As I’m on the phone, we are talking about men and all the quirky things that gets under our skin. Mid-sentence, God reminded me of the proclamation that I’d made years earlier. “You said that you wanted to be married” He reminded what I said about marriage not being about the wedding, but a lifelong covenant before Him. He reminded what I said about accepting people for who they are and not who I would like them to be. I was reminded that I asked Him to create in me a servant’s heart. A servant serves. Whether it’s cooking dinner when you don’t feel up to it…picking up his clothes off the floor (for the zillionth time)…or letting down the infamous toilet seat…all of these things come along with it. I could do nothing but look up and laugh. God has such a sense of humour. 

I strongly believe that God places us in seasons of preparation. He tests our hearts, patience, and faith during our seasons. He may test our emotional, spiritual, or physical health during these seasons. I believe He has to prepare us so we are well equipped to handle whatever he’s trying give us, do to us, or work through us.  I strongly believe that I’m in my season of preparation for marriage. During this time, God is allowing me to work on some character flaws within myself. He’s also using this time to reveal ALL the things that come along with being a wife. In the meantime, I’m learning to enjoy my season of singleness and the journey of preparation God has placed me on. 

TO BE CONTINUED

By Denise Thurmond

ARE YOU READY FOR MARRIAGE?

C

hildhood can be beautiful. The pureness of a child’s laughter, the innocence of their judgements, the genuine curiosity of their questions, the fragility of their movements and the honesty in their mistakes makes us rush forward and hold them in a tight embrace. At the same time, their unceasing energy and disobedience, their inability to see the world from someone else’s perspective and their selfishness causes us to wish they would grow up and mature. Childhood is a beautiful cloak when worn by a child. But when that cloak is worn by an adult, the beauty of childhood becomes hideous. Childhood is not a garment to be worn by adults. Ecclesiastes 10:16 says ‘Woe to you, o land when your king is a child’. In other words, woe to the woman whose man is a boy…woe to the man whose wife-to-be is mentally pre-pubescent girl.

Singlehood is just as beautiful as childhood. It is a life to be enjoyed. However, when loneliness hits or when we allow culture to shape our thinking, we look for the seemingly best person to hitch our single horse to, thinking that it will make us happy. In our short-sightedness and lack of patience, we wind up in a relationship with someone who is immature. Ladies, if he talks while he chews or burps loudly, that is not what makes him immature. Gentleman, her inability to keep a house is not the biggest sign of childishness. One can be immature spiritually, emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, socially, and educationally.

We all have growing to do in these aspects; that goes without saying. However, there are those who are seriously lacking; lacking so much so that they are simply not prepared for a relationship. In order for a Christ-built relationship to form, each of these pillars must be solid enough at least to bear the brunt of carving in order to make it better.

Spiritual Maturity means that the individual is already committed to Christ and involved in a personal, covenant and growing relationship with Him whether or not you are a part of his or her life. Deut. 6:5 says ‘you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength.’

An Emotionally Mature individual does not take everything personally, has healed from past hurt and is not guided by emotions but by morals and godly principles.

The Mentally Matured are able to process information accurately, communicate effectively and ‘act their age’. 1 Cor. 3:2 says ‘I gave you milk, not solid food, for you were not yet ready for it. Indeed, you are still not ready. You are still worldly. For since there is jealousy and quarreling among you, are you no worldly? Are you not acting like mere humans?’

A Financially Mature individual is not frivolous and is a good steward; spending money wisely, living within his means and giving to the needy. Pro. 17:16 ‘Of what use is money in the hand of a fool, since he has no desire to get wisdom?’

Surprisingly, Physical Maturity is rarely considered when entering a relationship but it is crucial. Personally, I would not date and commit to a young man who is not concerned about his overall health and body. Why? Because he is going to treat me the same way he treats his body. Eph. 5:28, 29, 33 says ‘So husbands must love their wives as they love their own bodies. A man who loves his wife loves himself. No one ever hated his own body. Instead, he feeds and takes care of it, as Christ takes care of the church…every husband must love his wife as he loves himself.’ A physically matured individual takes care of his body because in marriage, your body does not only belong to you.

If you are contemplating marriage, single people should not be the only ones in your social circle. You Mature Socially when the society you frequent help you to grow as an individual and at the same time teaches you about a Godly relationship. Pro. 21:17 says ‘as iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another.’

Being Educationally Mature does not mean that you have a wall displaying all of your degrees; there are many academic fools who went to school but are not educated. Rather, it denotes your willingness to be taught and to be open to different ideas that will help you in “this life and the life to come”.

When God described the curses to fall on apostate Israel, He said “I will give children to be their princes, and babes will rule over them” (Is.3:4). Ladies, it is a blessing to be in a Christ-built relationship with a man who is princely, mature and not a boy. Gentlemen, it is a joy to be committed to a woman who has left the shallow shores of girlhood and plunged into the deep ocean of virtuous womanhood. “Blessed art thou, O {woman}, when thy king is the son of nobles, and thy princes eat in due season, for strength, and not for drunkenness!” Eccl. 10:17

Childhood is a lovely cloak when worn by a child. The same cloak is hideous in appearance when shamefully worn by an adult, especially one preparing for marriage. May our prayer continually be, “O God, may my land be governed by a son of nobles and not a child.”

By Felecia Datus

3 QUALITIES OF A GODLY WOMAN + HOW TO PREPARE FOR GOD’S BEST

Marriage was far from Ruth’s mind because she had not too long lost her husband. She was broken and wanted to hold on to the only sense of normality she had which was her mother-in-law, Naomi. Ruth was a Moabite, which means she did not believe in the God of our salvation. However, Naomi must have made an impact on her life so much that she stated in Ruth 1:16  “Entreat me not to leave you, Or to turn back from following after you; For wherever you go, I will go; And wherever you lodge, I will lodge; Your people shall be my people, And your God, my God.”

She was devoted to her mother-in-law, Naomi because in essence she was the only family she had. This story has so many powerful messages, but we will focus on three main points that stood out to me and I pray will help you in your season of preparation.

1)  RUTH WAS LOYAL. 

It was custom for a daughter-in-law to leave her mother-in-law once her husband died or remarried. In fact, Naomi begged Ruth and her sister-in-law to leave her and return back to their people. However, Ruth stepped out of the normal tradition and decided she would remain with her mother-in-law, Naomi. She had no desire to return to her people. She instead decided to follow Naomi as stated in Ruth 1:17, “Where you die, I will die, And there will I be buried. The Lord do so to me, and more also, If anything but death parts you and me.” 

***side note*** This is why it’s vital to live a life pleasing in God’s sight because you never know who’s watching and what impact you may have on their life.

Naomi became Ruth’s family and she remained faithful to her word by caring for Naomi. Loyalty is one attribute many men look for in their future wife. They want to be sure they can trust you with their heart. Boaz took note to Ruth’s loyalty to her mother-in-law and rewarded her greatly.

2) RUTH WAS A HARD WORKER. 

Since it was just the two of them, Ruth knew she had to work to take care of their home. She went out in the field and asked the overseer if she could “glean and gather among the sheaves behind the harvesters.” Her hard work caught the eye of Boaz. He wanted to know more about this beautiful hardworking woman gleaning his fields, so he inquired about her. The overseer of the fields told Boaz, “…She came into the field and has remained here from morning till now, except for a short rest in the shelter.”  Ruth was not sitting around idle. She was busy working naturally while God was behind the scenes working things out spiritually. He watched her work day after day before he approached her. Ladies here’s a little nugget for you, your future husband will watch you first before he makes a move because he wants to see who you are when you think no one is watching (your character). He wants to see how you interact with others, your work ethics, how you dress, and how you treat those “who have rule over you”. And how you portray yourself on social media. True men of God are attracted to the “GODliness” within you. Ruth was not out in the field half naked twerking and flirting with man after man. She was busy working hard to earn enough to take care of her and her mother-in-law. Sometimes we have to change our perspective before God can change our present.

3) RUTH WAS RESPECTFUL. 

After Boaz did his research, he then approached her and showed compassion and favor towards her. Ladies when the right man comes into your life, you will know because he will treat you like the queen God created you to be. He will recognize the value in you without you taking off your clothes. He even protected her from other men in the field. He really cared about her. When you know your worth, you will not just accept anything that comes your way, but you will wait on God’s best for you. The way Ruth responded to Boaz showed how she felt about him. “At this, she bowed down with her face to the ground. She asked him, “Why have I found such favor in your eyes that you notice me—a foreigner?” Boaz replied, “I’ve been told all about what you have done for your mother-in-law since the death of your husband—how you left your father and mother and your homeland and came to live with a people you did not know before. May the Lord repay you for what you have done. May you be richly rewarded by the Lord, the God of Israel, under whose wings you have come to take refuge” (Ruth 2:10-12). Boaz adored Ruth. He admired her loyalty and dedication to her mother-in-law. He spoke nothing but blessings over her life. God will send you a husband who cares about your soul and that will lead you to Christ not away from Him.

The rest of the story is like a fairy tale.  This poor girl from Moab marries a rich man and he takes care of not only Ruth but her mother-in-law, Naomi too. The Lord blessed her to have a son, Obed, who is part of the lineage of Jesus Christ. God knows everything about you and he has promised you that He will not withhold any good thing from you (Psalms 84:11). Your future husband may not be a rich man riding in a white Maserati but he is handcrafted by the very hands of God just for you. It’s easy to get distracted by the imposters, “Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruit” (Matthew 7:15-16).

Make sure you take time to evaluate their fruit (their lifestyle). Don’t just jump into a relationship, but take time to be friends first. Friendship is what is going to sustain your relationship. Continue to seek God and WAIT for the man God designed for you. I am a living witness that God will bless you with your heart’s desire when you trust Him with your heart and place it in His hands. It’s not your job to look for your husband. Proverbs 18:22 says: “HE (not she) who finds a wife finds a good thing and obtains favor from the LORD.”. While you are waiting, work on yourself and ask God to reveal areas in your life that can help you to be a wife after God’s heart. Ruth had no idea her entire life was about to change because she was busy taking care of business. Consume yourself in God and enjoy this season.

By Saviela E. Thorne

WHEN YOUR FAMILY SAYS “NO” TO YOUR SPOUSE

Dating and relationships can be tough at times. It isn’t always easy navigating through all the nonsense and figuring who is truly best for you. There are so many factors to consider, but ultimately the most important factor is God. Getting His guidance on the matter is essential when you’re trying to position yourself to receive what is best for you. However, it isn’t always a simple process because hearing Him correctly is a work in progress for most.

If that wasn’t hard enough to deal with, now you have to also consider the impact of family, friends, and possibly your pastor when it comes to who you’re dating. They will have an opinion, and you can’t escape it when you have active relationships with them. It’s all good when everyone is on the same page, but you may not be so lucky. What happens when you feel God is telling you that you have met your future husband/wife, but your inner circle is telling you that you’re wrong? Do they know what’s best, or are they just not looking at things correctly? Could you be getting this wrong, or are you letting fear steer you away from what you truly feel within you?

If you didn’t get any resistance, then there would be no opportunity for you to experience God’s greatness…

Personally I don’t care what that inner circle tells you, you have to always listen to God. Those people may have very good intentions, but they are not God. They may struggle to see beyond the surface, whereas God’s vision is limitless. You can’t expect them to fully understand and grasp your situation, because they are not walking in your shoes. They can’t feel what you feel, and they will not see what you see. Their opposition is just part of the process of your growth in faith. If you didn’t get any resistance, then there would be no opportunity for you to experience God’s greatness when it comes to following Him in faith even when the path ahead seems unreasonable.

Now don’t get me wrong, I know there are people who are just getting things confused, and it’s possible you could be one of them. Some may be intentionally lying to themselves, and to others in order to justify what they want to do, and you could possibly be one of them. The things is, only you truly know if you are indeed one of those people. It is up to you to look within yourself and to go to God for the real answer. Don’t leave it up to trying to interpret signs, because the Devil can throw up signs too. The key is doing your due diligence in communicating and connecting with God. If you are doing what is necessary to gain clarity, then that is what really matters.

In life, what you see isn’t always what you get. Many things require a much deeper look in order to properly evaluate what you are dealing with. This rule doesn’t change when it comes to dating and relationships. If anything it becomes that much more important to embrace this concept if you truly want to set yourself up for a happy and successful relationship. God is your greatest tool to getting that deeper look, and no person should trump or replace His guidance. Be honest with yourself, let your spirit guide you, and let faith not fear be the foundation you stand on.

BMWK: Does your family, friends and even your Pastor’s opinion really matter to you?

BY: Stephan Labossiere 

WHEN GOD MAKES YOU WAIT

Jesus could have come and healed Lazarus when he was still alive.

Instead, He waited to raise him from the dead when he was already in his grave.

God could have made David become king the day after he was anointed.

Instead, He waited 15 years to rise to the throne, many of those years spent fearing for his life, hiding out and running away from his own father-in-law.

God could have spoken to Moses in the desert about sending him to help free His people from slavery 40 days after he ran away from Egypt.

Instead, He made him wait for 40 long years.

God could have gotten Joseph out of prison one year after he was sentenced there.

Instead, he was stuck in that dungeon for 10 years before he was finally set free.

God could have given Abraham the son He promised him when he was still a young man.

Instead, He waited until he was 100 years old and because of physical reasons would have a more difficult time conceiving at that age.

God could have answered prayers and met the needs of these men of God much quicker, but He didn’t.

He made them wait instead. And He often makes us do the same. He makes us wait for healing to come after we’ve been praying for years and there is no sign of recovery. He makes us wait to fulfil His call in our lives after He puts the desire and passion in our hearts to serve Him in a certain way. He makes us wait to give us the desires of our hearts, whether it’s a baby, a spouse, or a new job. He makes us wait for direction when we are stuck at a dead end and we don’t know where to go or what to do.

He could answer that same prayer that you’ve been praying for years every night in a millisecond. That same prayer that has been bringing you to tears. That same prayer that the longer that it goes unanswered, the more it makes you question whether He even hears.

But He doesn’t.

He kept Moses in a desert for 40 years. Joseph in a prison cell for 10 years. Abraham without a child for 100 years. David on the run for 15 years. And maybe He is keeping you right where you’re at for the same reason He kept these men for so many years: to build your faith.

To build your faith in a dungeon cell, during the valley in your life where it’s too dark to see and too hard to believe. To build your dependence on Him when you are barren and empty to see if He is truly all you desire and all you need. To see how well you will trust and serve Him when you are still stuck in the background somewhere, doing seemingly nothing too significant for Him. To build your trust in Him when the storm keeps raging, the battle keeps going and breakthrough and victory doesn’t seem near.

See… sometimes the waiting period of our lives is the most important time in our life.

It is during this period when nothing seems to be happening, when prayers seem to go unanswered, when God seems so far away that the most spiritual growth takes place in our lives. That we learn to become more like Him. It is during this time that we build spiritual “muscle”. That we grow in faith. That we learn to only depend on Him.

What are you waiting for today?

What longing do you have that seems so far from ever being fulfilled?

What prayer do you keep on praying that seems to never reach God’s ears?

I want to remind you that God is not deaf to your prayers.

He is not blind to your constant tears, to your desires, and to your needs.

If He is making you wait, there is a very good reason for it.

If He is telling you “no” today, maybe it’s because He has a better “yes” waiting for you tomorrow.

If He is keeping you in the same place you’ve always been today, maybe it’s because He’s helping build your faith before you enter your Promised Land tomorrow.

If He is not healing you or bringing you victory today, maybe it’s because you will have a greater testimony when He waits to help you be an overcomer tomorrow.

Wherever you are at today know that God is right beside you and that there is a purpose for you. Even if that purpose is to wait.

Don’t give up just because you don’t see anything happening today.

Maybe there is nothing physically happening that your eyes can see but there is definitely something happening in the spiritual realm as you learn to rely on Christ.

Don’t allow your waiting period to make you hopeless about what tomorrow will bring.

Instead, let it build your faith and give you even greater hope for what God has prepared for you.

He made some of the greatest men of faith wait.

Don’t be discouraged if He makes you wait as well.

He will come through for you, just like He came through for them.

“Wait for the LORD; be strong and take heart and wait for the LORD.” – Psalm 27:14

Written by: Anna Bachinsky