3. How Can I Encourage Others?
In the first two sessions we covered the first section of Maxwell's book, looking at the nature of
relationships. The second section, which we start today, considers the building blocks of relationships.
"Believing in people before they have proved themselves is the key to
motivating people to reach their potential".
Maxwell makes the point that everyone enjoys being encouraged.
It can be a major motivator for people to achieve their best and get enjoy from those achievements. To
be
an encourager it is essential to
have faith in people, but that is a rare thing these days.
Accordingly, Maxwell kicks off by looking at four facts about
faith:
1) Most People Don't Have Faith in Themselves
Maxwell quotes a cartoon where the main character (a newspaper editor) is playing in
a baseball game and
2) Most People Don't Have Someone Who Has Faith in Them
Modern society tends to isolate people, and many of the traditional support systems (such as the extended family) have been eroded away.
For example, Bill Glass cites a statistic that 90% of
prisoners when
growing up were told by their parents "They're going to put you in
jail". A friend of mine tells the story of
how, as a rebellious teenager, his headmaster called him out in front of the entire school and told him that he would never amount to anything in
life but would end up in
the gutter. If the people who are closest to
us don't believe in
us, the chances of our believing in ourselves is slim.
3) Most People Can Tell When Someone Else Has Faith In
Them
People can usually tell when an
expression of faith is sincere, and will react positively to
genuine encouragement. (Conversely, empty platitudes are usually ineffective).
Maxwell makes the point that encouragement is not for people to
think highly of you as an
encourager, but for them to think more highly of themselves.
4) Most People Will Do Anything to Live Up to
Your Faith in Them
"People rise or fall to
meet your level of expectations for them.
If you express scepticism and doubt in
others, they will return your lack of confidence with mediocrity.
But if you believe in
them and expect them
to do well, they will go the extra mile trying to do their best".
So then, how can we become more effective encouragers, and increase our ability to
believe in
others. Maxwell offers seven suggestions, forming an acrostic from BELIEVE:
B)elieve in
them before they succeed
It's easy to believe in someone who has demonstrated their ability.
The challenge is to
put
your faith in
someone who is untested. "But that is the key in motivating people to
reach their potential. You have to
believe in them first, before they become successful, and sometimes even before you can persuade them to
believe in themselves".
E)mphasize their strengths
Some people believe that they should point out other people's weaknesses and try to help them to address these.
Maxwell disagrees, and suggests focusing on people's strengths.
If
someone believes that they have
what it takes to accomplish some task, they are more likely to succeed than if
they are focusing on
addressing their perceived weaknesses. Praise for positive abilities and skills should be both public and
private.
L)ist their past achievements
Helping people to recall their past successes can be a great source of encouragement.
Many people lack the ability to
recall their past achievements, or may not be
able to see the link between a
past achievement and
the current task.
I)nstill confidence when they fail
Many people give up at the first failure. Encouragement at this critical point can make a
huge
difference.
A
good way of handling this is to
tell of
your
own past failures.
Often people won't realise that you have also
made mistakes and had failures, but have managed to move on
beyond them. This can be a huge source of
encouragement.
E)xperience some wins together
Assisting people to successfully complete a challenging task can be a
huge
boost to their belief in
their own ability. Help people to
achieve small successes and you build their ability to conquer larger problems.
Both
their confidence levels and their skills are boosted in
this way.
V)isualise their future success
Maxwell describes a laboratory experiment where rats were dropped into jars of
water. If the jar was left in darkness the rat would swim for just over three minutes and then give up and drown.
If there was a ray of
light shining into the jar the rats could keep swimming for 36 hours! That's a
powerful illustration of the power of hope.
If we "cast a vision... and paint a picture of their future success" for people it will give them
a
great source of encouragement and motivation.
E)xpect a new level of living
Konrad Adenaur said "We all live under the same sky, but we don't all have the same horizon". Encouraging people to
stretch themselves and expand their horizons will help them to
move on to a new
level of effectiveness and achievement.
Maxwell ends by noting that this involves an element of risk, but that helping people to
fulfil their potential is worth it.
"To be what we are, and to become what we are capable of
becoming, is the only end of life". Robert Louis
Stevenson
Some things to
think about:
Who have been the main sources of encouragement in your life? What experiences caused these people to
have such a place in your life?
Do you see yourself as encourager?
How can you improve your ability to encourage others?
4. How Can I Connect with People?
This week we consider part two of the second section (the building blocks of relationships) of Maxwell's book "Relationships 101".
"Always remember, the heart comes before the head".
Maxwell introduces this chapter (which is closely based on Law 10 of his 21 Irrefutable Laws of
Leadership) with a description of
Elizabeth Dole's public speaking ability, or, to be more accurate, her ability to
"connect" with large groups of
people (Elizabeth Dole is the wife of
Bob
Dole, a
conservative
American politician who ran for president in 1996).
Apparently, she has the ability to make everyone
listening to her feel that they are friends, even when speaking on
television without the benefit of personal
presence.
In stark contrast, Bob Dole came across as "stern and distant" during his presidential campaign.
Many US presidents have come to power after demonstrating their ability to
connect with the people (Maxwell cites Kennedy, Reagan and Clinton as particular examples). Needless to say, Bob Dole was not
elected, but after the election he appeared on a TV talk show and came across as "relaxed, approachable, and able to
make fun of himself. And he was a hit with the audience. He had finally connected."
Closer to home, I think one can draw similar contrasts by looking at the public personas of Nelson Mandela and Thabo Mbeki.
While one comes across as the Grandfather of the Nation, the other comes across more as a stern lecturer!
"You first have to touch people's hearts before you ask them for a hand.
That is the Law of Connection... You can't move people to action unless you first move them with emotion.
The heart comes before the head".
Connect in Public and Private
While leaders need to
connect publicly with large groups of
people, the same thing needs to happen on
a
one-to-one basis between individuals.
Maxwell tells how his staff used to groan when he
would say "People don't care how much you know until they know how much you care" because he quoted the saying so often,
but it is true. "You develop credibility with people when you connect with them and show that you
genuinely want to help them”.
Connect with People One at a Time
Maxwell states that a key to
connecting with groups of people is to
see
them as individuals.
General Norman Schwarzkopf once said, "I have seen competent leaders who stood in front of a platoon and all they saw was a
platoon.
But great leaders stand in front of a
platoon and see it as 44 individuals".
Put a
"10" on Every Person's Head
"One of the best things you can do for people is to expect the best of them.
I
call it putting a '10' on everyone's head".
Jaques Wiesel quoted a survey of 100 self-made millionaires which showed that they all,
consistently only saw the good in other people. Encouraging and genuinely appreciating other people will help you connect with them.
Having a strong connection with people is particularly important when facing great challenges.
Maxwell gives an example from the life of General Douglas MacArthur during World War I to emphasise this point.
In the workplace the results of
strong connections between the leader and the employees will usually show up in
the
way in which the organisation works.
Employees are likely to be loyal and hard-working in
such an
environment.
As an example, Maxwell refers to
Herb Kelleher, the CEO of the highly successful
Southwest Airlines, who was adored by
his
employees, largely as a
result of his informal, connecting style
of leadership. In 1994 the employees took out a
full-page advert in a national newspaper that said (among many other things) "Thanks, Herb... For being a
friend, not just a boss".
Maxwell: "Don't ever underestimate the importance of building relational bridges between yourself and
other around you".
One last quote (an old saying): "To lead yourself, use your head; to lead others use your heart".
Some things to
think about:
Can you think of any leaders who have had the ability to touch your heart?
How good are you at "building relational bridges" with the people around you? How could you improve this ability?
To be Continued.
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