THE UNTOLD PART OF ME 2

I sat there in a daze as I listened to her telling me that her family didn’t think I was good enough for

her because I didn’t come from the best background, I wasn’t as pretty as her other boyfriends in her past, and I was just another guy she used to keep herself occupied for the time being. Really?

Even after hearing this, I still loved her. I wanted to prove her family wrong. I wanted them to see how much I loved her unconditionally. I wanted them to finally get to know the loving, funny, and hardworking man I really am.

But that didn’t happen. After dating her for over 4 years, she ended up marrying someone she had known for only 4 months. She said she knew by their third date that he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

As I enter the dating scene again, I can’t help but wonder what I could have done differently. Why wasn’t I the one she wanted to spend the rest of her life with? Was I too skinny, not handsome enough, or not smart enough? As all of these questions raced through my mind, I had to face one simple fact… God don’t make mistakes.

If I start dating again, the woman God has for me will love me for me… flaws and all. My past won’t hinder our future. Where others may see deficiencies, she will see beauty. She’ll recognize that my worth is not defined by who I work for, what I drive, or the clothes I wear. While I’m not perfect, I’ll be perfect for her and that’s what matters.

When I start dating again, I won’t fight so hard or go to great depths to prove to others that I am worthy. Either they accept me as God made me or they don’t… and even if they don’t, I will still know my worth. According to God’s word, “I am complete in Him” (Colossians 2:10)

When I start dating again, I will make sure God is my number one focus and I will not let anything or anyone come along and take His place in my heart. I can’t say that this has always been the case though. Sometimes we have to go through horrible things, to get us to focus on the things we should have been focusing on all along. 

When I start dating again, I will consult with God about my decisions and choices. I’ll pray for guidance and wisdom. I’ll pray that He reveals the true hearts of those who cross my path and protect me from those who mean me no good.

When I start dating again, I won’t be so quick to give my body to someone who doesn’t deserve me. My body is sacred and that’s why I’ve decided to wait for the “one”. Not for my girlfriend, not for my fiancée, but for my wife. I understand that a lot of men will consider this a deal breaker, but the woman God has for me will wait for me.

You see, had my focus been on Him all along, I would not have missed some very important caution signs. Through prayer and discernment, I would have known years ago that the relationship was going absolutely nowhere.

When I start dating again, God will be my #1 priority!

But this resolution took me tons of mistakes and misled of walking in my own path or righteousness before His grace found me. Like Paul, I was the worst of sinners with how I broke hearts after my first encounter with relationship. But thank God for His mercies.

For the struggles, the betrayal, hearts broken and resolution of who I am now in Christ. Watch out for the Part 3.

To Be Continued.

THE PROBLEM WITH WAITING ON BOAZ {WOULD YOU DATE YOU? PART IV}

I

 remember when I first developed my own personal relationship with God, giving over my singleness to Him was hard to do. I was afraid that His standards would leave me single for the rest of my life.

But then one day He asked me…

“Well, has anything you’ve tried in your strength and wisdom gotten you married with children?”

To which my response was “no“.

And He said “Exactly”.

But I’ve digressed. One of the things I remember hearing over and over…and over again during this time was “Wait for your Boaz”.  And in that time I’ve learned that although God’s Word doesn’t change, the times and culture do, and wise women learn how to apply the Word to present day issues. So here are 3 issues with waiting on Boaz.

1. WHAT IF A BOAZ ISN’T GOD’S BEST FOR YOU: As I matured in my relationship with God

by reading the Word for myself, I asked God one day “What if I don’t want a Boaz?” I mean, all single Christian women aren’t Ruth or in a situation like the one Ruth was in when she met Boaz. Some of us are more like Lydia, Hannah, or my personal favourite Deborah. Now, don’t get me wrong. I know any single, Christian woman who really desires marriage – especially if it’s for the right reasons – would love a man like Boaz. He was kind, a good boss, considerate, and very much the gentlemen. And you know He knew the Lord because his mother – Rahab – probably wouldn’t let him forget what God had done for her. And did I mention he was rich?! But what if God’s best for you is a man like Daniel or Lappidoth? What if God has a Joshua or Caleb in mind for you? And if you met a man who wife’d you after rapping to you like loverboy did Shulamite in the Song of Songs, are you really going to tell God “But I wanted a Boaz”? I don’t think so.

2. YOU’RE LITERALLY WAITING FOR HIM TO SHOW UP: It seems like a no-brainer that if you want to meet a man and get married that you have to put yourself in a position to do so. But the struggle to meet single Christian men is real. There are lots of single Christian women just like you (and me) who struggle with this because as they learn God’s standards they struggle with practically and successfully applying them to dating. And this usually equates to struggling with options to meet single Christian men. It doesn’t make matters better that some church folks encourage you to expect God to perform a miracle so you can meet your husband. But I promise you most of them didn’t meet their spouse that way. They met their spouse because after they got tired of crying to God in prayer, begging to get married before the Rapture, they went out and lived their lives – mistakes and all. Which is exactly what you have to do. Start with your passions and interests and figure out how they can lead you to be active in your community so you can meet new people.

3. BOAZ MIGHT BE WAITING ON YOU: Ladies, years ago I myself did not know that there were men who prayed for wives. But they’re out there. And although some women may tend to think that they’re single because the men they meet just don’t have it together, some men do and some are wondering where all the good women are. Or, you may have met your husband but he is literally waiting on you to get it together. He loves and accepts you but your emotional baggage is causing you to get in your own way – and his. The best advice I can give you if you are struggling from unhealed wounds from trauma, childhood abuse, or poor choices in adult romantic relationships is to take a break from dating (from as short as a few months to as long as a year or more) and heal. Healing brings clarity, and clarity ushers in new thoughts, attitudes, beliefs and behaviour. When those four things change you’ll be able to behave in ways that support your desire of marriage and family.

Ladies, Boaz was a great guy. But before you set your sights on waiting for “your” Boaz, just make sure you aren’t waiting for something and God is trying to give you something else. Pray and go to Him concerning the matter and He’ll reveal what He believes is best for you.

By Afi Pittman

IF GOD LOVES ME WHY AM I NOT MARRIED?

I've received many emails with the same question. "I'm getting older and I'm still single. What if God's will is for me to be single forever?" If you follow our blog you know that I'm all about encouraging one to wait and hope in the Lord. I never post anything about being single forever because I truly believe there is always hope; however, I do realize that for some being single is simply God's plan. What if the years keep passing by and you're still single? You desire to be married; however, you see it happening for everybody else except you. You are not alone. Here are some of the questions I've received throughout the years.

IN MY CULTURE IT'S SHAMEFUL TO BE SINGLE AT MY AGE:

There are many cultures in which a twenty-five year old single woman is alarming because it's believed her childbearing years are fleeting away and somehow the older she becomes the less desirable, which makes waiting on the Lord much more difficult. Unfortunately in this world as women age, being single becomes less of a status and more of a stigma, giving way to names like "old maid" or "spinster"; however, God's perspective is much different. In 1 Cor. 7:8 Paul says, "So I say to those who aren’t married and to widows—it’s better to stay unmarried, just as I am". Why?  Because, "a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband". (1 Cor. 7:35 NLT) 

God views this time in your life as a good thing, as a time to devote yourself to Him. He wants you to enjoy his presence and everything he has to offer. Stop focusing on your age and your singleness and begin relishing your free time with the Lord. Start focusing on things you can do! Take a bible class and get to know your maker at a more intimate level. Go on a mission’s trip and mentor single women in other countries. There are so many things you can be doing, things married women can only dream of but don't have the time. 

I DON'T WANT BE TO BE ALONE FOREVER, THE THOUGHT SCARES ME.

God knew that as humans we needed companionship, hence Adam and Eve. He knew you'd need love and the physical touch of another, so it's justifiable to be frightened at the thought of being single forever; however, God says, "don’t be afraid, for I am with you. Don’t be discouraged, for I am your God.

I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand". (Isa. 41:10 NLT)

Pray and claim that strength, ask Him to help you face life with boldness and to help you rely on him for all your needs. Why? Because God says, "your Maker is your husband— the Lord Almighty is his name". 

That promise encompasses all your needs physical, mental and spiritual. He will be your provider, protector, guide, spiritual leader, comfort and so much more, more than a human can ever be. 

I NEED PHYSICAL TOUCH, WHAT DO I DO WITH THESE DESIRES?

What you are feeling is completely normal and God understands those needs. He created you with those needs wired deep inside you. He knows the emotions swirling inside you and knows the deep desires within your heart; therefore, as your Creator he can fulfil those desires. Pray and be honest with the Lord and say, "Lord my desires overwhelm and frustrate me. Please satisfy these needs and ease this urgency so I can honour you with my life. Help me understand your ways so I can glorify you and be content. Help me perceive your presence when I'm alone and your gentle hand when in need of human touch". Nothing is impossible for the Lord what makes you think he can't fulfil your need? Trust in Him. 

WHEN DO I STOP HOPING FOR MARRIAGE? HOW DO I KNOW IF I'M MEANT TO STAY SINGLE?

I don't think you should ever stop hoping because there is always hope in the Lord, he is the God of hope. (Romans 15:13) God's timing is completely different than ours, just when you think it's too late he might surprise you with a godly man. His plans baffle human comprehension and we can't attempt to understand what only he knows. "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." (Jer. 29:11) It's never too late for the Lord. Nothing is impossible for him. There is nothing in your life he cannot do. Seek the Lord above all else and live righteously, and he will give you "everything you need". (Matt. 6:33) So concentrate on the Lord not your status. Live for the Lord and forget the rest, he will take care of you. 

By TPW

WHAT IF YOUR BOAZ IS WAITING ON YOU? (Would You Date You -Part III)

One day, I was reading a few articles and I saw the words “What if he (Boaz) is waiting on you?”. That stopped me in my tracks. What if a guy was truly waiting for me? What if a guy was praying that I would allow God to shape, mold and refine me just for him.

Just like we Christ believing, bible reading, scripture praying single women in the sisterhood are waiting for a match, I believe the single Christ believing, bible reading, scripture praying men in the brotherhood are waiting for a match too. Christian men are serious about asking God for and finding the “right” woman.

After chatting with several of my Christian male friends who are married with children, I realize they

do exist. Believe it or not, some men actually seek the Lord on who they should meet and marry despite what society tells us and the actions of a few. They recounted the prayers they did for their now wives in addition to their own personal preparation. Those brothers were on a mission and found their “good thing” through God’s leading. And I’m sure God didn’t lead them to a sister who wasn’t ready.

If you are inquiring the Lord for this wonderful “Boaz” (or Joshua, David, Gideon etc) to come into your life, you need to be prepared or, at least, be willing to be prepared. Be real with yourself and ask: am I truly allowing God to break, make and mold me for His glory? Or, am I waiting for the man to come and do the break, make and molding instead of God? We shouldn’t want to be “fixed and made whole” by a boyfriend then be redeemed by the same man in a marriage. Sisters, that’s a heavy burden to place on earthly shoulders.

When the Lord allows for a brother in Christ to come into your life, his expectation is to begin a wonderful adventure, not wait for you to get your “act” together first. And when I say act, I mean your prayer life, Christ walk, dreams, visions and goals. Nor should he wait for you to address the broken places that need healing in your life. We have one father, and he’s in heaven patiently waiting for us to allow him to do the healing and building, not “Boaz”. Now, there are some situations where relationships may help to restore but ultimately our responsibility is to take every part of our lives to God for restoration.

You are the Lord’s workmanship (Ephesians 2:10). He has wonderful things set out for you to do and experience. How can you experience them if you neglect to go to Him to be prepared in order to receive them? The Lord says, no good thing will I withhold from you (Psalm 84:11) and just like a parent, He will not give you anything he knows you are not ready for including the husband that pops up in your prayers and daydreams.

What if, just what if the “Boaz” in your head was to appear in the natural right now. Tall (or short), handsome and all you could ever ask or hope for. Are you ready to join him or will you be scrambling around trying to get your life in order? Let’s say he is very adamant about nurturing his relationship with the Lord and ministry? Are you just as adamant? I’ve heard some brothers in Christ say they want an equal in support, vision, and drive which is the short definition of a help-meet. Are you ready or capable of being that?

Preparation is a common theme in the bible. Look beyond the desire of a Friday night date and set your mind into improving the characteristics that would compliment the husband you are praying for and about. Pray that God would prepare you by first addressing the old hurts, wounds, baggage and mindsets that may have kept you in the same place.

Whatever you are expecting Boaz to be and do, you should be that as well or the complement of. Redeem your time by going into God’s presence to strengthen or re- establish your relationship with Him. Allow his mighty hands to prepare you because after all, Boaz just may be praying and waiting for you to do so.

By Tracey Writes

I DON'T WANT TO BE ALONE.

I didn't want to be alone when I was single. My single state felt like an uncomfortable glove. I was addicted to love and the feeling it produced in me. I wasn't very selective when it came to choosing whom the love came from, I just wanted someone to quell my desire; at the time I didn't see it that way, I just called it "DATING". One failed relationship proceeded another in hopes that the giddiness of new love would numb out the pain of the previous one. Looking back it was a destructive vicious cycle with no end. I tried justifying every failure with, "well he wasn't the one... next". I was in search of love and validation that I was worth loving. I can only imagine what God was thinking as He looked down at His precious creation. Me. 

I prayed for my husband since I was 13 years old but I didn't have the patience to sit and wait on the Lord. I figured God would work through my reckless decisions and give me my well-deserved happy ending. That erroneous thought process led me down dark paths and caused me worthless pain, pain that God did not intend for me to suffer, but I thought I knew better than God. God wasn't fast enough so the next logical thing was "I thought" to help him. Little did I know that instead of helping him I was thwarting His perfect plan for me and delaying God's best. 

For so many years I chased love when all the while love was chasing me. Through all my heartbreaks the Lord silently sat by my side nursing my tears and knitting my heart back together. He silently waited for me to finally realize that it was His love I longed for. 

Does this sound eerily similar? Are you afraid of being alone? Are you struggling during the wait? Don't thwart God's plan for your life by taking the lead in your story. Stop looking for love because at the end of the day no human love will ever fill the need implanted in your heart by God himself. He knew before your existence that your need for love would lead you to seek more, to seek Him. Don't fear what comes along with being single, let God show you the wonderful things that can be birthed during this time. Stop seeking love from others and allow His love to take over. Let it do what it's meant to do which is to complete and satisfy. 

You might be asking yourself, "How do I do that"? Give Him your time. Seek Him at all times but more so when an emotional need arises. Read His word and let His words sink in, believing them to be true. "Do not be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand." (Isaiah 41:10) 

Praise Him at all times but praise harder when the loneliness creeps in. Fellowship with other godly singles that desire to honour God.  Remember, "As iron sharpens iron so a friend sharpens a friend". (Proverbs 27:17) 

Whoever says being single is easy has either forgotten or wasn't single for long because it's a challenging season. God loves you and your singleness because you're a free bird, free to serve Him. Let God love you like only He can and let God use you and your singleness for His glory. Once you allow the Author of your story to take over, everything else will fall into place. 

Anonymous 

3 TYPES OF RELATIONSHIPS THAT HOLD YOU BACK FROM GOD’S BEST

Relationships can be a beautiful thing. Some of the benefits of a Godly relationship include: Encouragement when we need to be uplifted, Accountability when we need support, Wisdom when we need advice, but relationships can also take a toll on our well being if we are not careful.

Here are 3 Types of Relationships That May Be Holding You Back From God’s Best”

STALE RELATIONSHIPS 

Relationships that are going nowhere. They are in the same place they are in maybe 2 years ago. Nothing’s changing. You’re still girlfriend. No talk of marriage. or you’ve been engaged for 5 years, but still no marriage. The spice is gone. You are just there out of comfort. Because you don’t feel like starting over. The thought of getting to know someone the way you know this person scares you. You’ve been with this person for so long that you can’t see yourself with anyone else. Even though you know the relationship is going absolutely nowhere. 

This can also apply to work relationships. Sometimes we get way too comfortable at jobs that no longer challenge us strictly because we dread looking for a new job. Yes I know all too well, the job market search can be a bit intimidating.

I remember when I felt stuck at a job that was no longer fulfilling to me. My excuse was… I didn’t want to use my sick time or vacation time just for a job interview, I wasn’t guaranteed to get. My other excuse was …“I’m comfortable here, I know everyone here, Why should I leave?” 

Sounds silly huh? Yes, I know. Thank God I found the strength to step out of my comfort zone. God started opening doors , but He waited for me to knock first. Did you get that? God was waiting on me. Just like He’s waiting on you to make the first move.

For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. (Matthew 7:8)

TOXIC RELATIONSHIPS

Relationships that have the potential to be or are already hazardous. It could be that the relationship is effecting your spiritual life, your physical well being, or your mental well being.

So how do you know if you’re in a toxic relationship?

When you’re in a toxic and unhealthy relationship, you may experience physical force or threats of physical force. Verbal abuse such as cursing, name calling, and degrading comments may be the norm. You are being influenced to do things that are not Godly. You are not free to be yourself, and you are afraid of them.

If any of this sounds familiar, you are indeed in a toxic relationship.

When you’re in a Godly and healthy relationship, you won’t have to compromise your relationship with Christ for the sake of your relationship with any man. The relationship will compliment you, not complete you. Only God can do that.

In Christ you have been brought to fullness. He is the head over every power and authority. (Colossians 2:10)

DEAD RELATIONSHIPS 

Relationships that you know in your heart, are over, but no matter what, you can’t let go. Maybe you guys have already parted ways, but in your heart… you refuse to move on. 

By doing so, you are only hindering or prolonging what God has already prepared for you. He knows what you need and want. He also knows that some of the things you want, you don’t need. So trust that when it’s time to let go, God is already working to bring the right relationships into your life. You just have to trust Him and let go.

Might I add that letting go doesn’t always mean that the feelings and love you have for that person will vanish right away or ever. It just means that you have accepted that moving on without this person is for the best. Pray about it and ask God to help you release this person. If they are meant to be in your life at a later time, God will surely make it happen.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens (Ecclesiastes 3:1)

HOW CHRISTIANS RUIN DATING

A few years ago, I had just started "talking" to a guy from church, and I told him we should keep things on the down low. I didn't see the need for everyone to find out too early on.

But within a week, the head pastor of our 2,000 person church found out we were dating. Mutual

friends were excited that a boy and I were planning on hanging out one on one—so excited, in fact, they started brainstorming our wedding hashtag. Before we had even gone to coffee. I also remember feeling shamed by my Bible study for not having set strict physical boundaries with a guy—by our second date.

Later, I went through a rather public breakup, and people within the church constantly asked me what happened—not out of care or concern, it felt, but out of a desire to know the details, to be able to better decide which side to take as our community severed.

If you've dated in the Christian circle for any length of time, you, too, probably have humorous stories as well as scars. As there’s no book in the Bible with a dating how-to, the “biblical dating” we strive for actually doesn’t exist—we’ve been left to our own devices to figure it out. And churches haven’t always done the best job helping us get there.

Your dating life shouldn’t be your whole life. Don’t allow a good desire to become your ultimate desire.

Like many parts of faith, Christian dating culture is home to many double standards. We encourage women to keep high standards and desire only the godliest of men, yet we pity the “forever alone” single women who seemingly received a lifetime supply of the "gift" of singleness. We encourage men to pursue women, to be forward with their intentions, yet when a guy has asked too many women to coffee in the same church circle, we label him "desperate.” Sex is seen as the ultimate taboo topic to be discussed, as well as the ultimate sin to be committed. Engaging in premarital sex is sometimes seen as equal to losing all worth as a human being, and yet we claim to base our faith on the Gospel of grace.

Groups of Christians mean well when it comes to helping people navigate relationships, but there are a few ways we all tend to make things way more complicated than they need to be.

BY OBSESSING

It's hard enough to seek out a future spouse within a culture that idealizes marriage above almost everything else. But when “post-college groups" is code for singles-to-mingle events and pastors seem to believe they have matchmaker in their job description, it gets uncomfortable really fast.

It's OK to want a relationship. We're created to be relational beings, after all. But when we, as individuals or as a church, are obsessed with romantic relationships, we miss out on so much more God offers us. We fixate on the idea of "knowing" so early on, we skip over the whole point of relationships—getting to know and connect with another human being.

BY GOSSIPING

If Christian millennials feel justified to gossip about anything, it’s discussing the latest on every relationship in our newsfeed. We dissect relationships—from Grey’s Anatomy to The Bachelor to that new couple we saw sitting together in church.

Couples won’t ask for help if they fear their struggles will be discussed behind their backs.

Though this can seem harmless, scrutinizing other’s relationships can quickly get toxic. If we harp on how unhealthy those two seem together, we feel less insecure about our own relationship status. If we discuss at length the perfect couple’s latest Instagram-worthy adventure, we’re placing them on a pedestal we can never reach. If we push to hear every juicy detail of the latest breakup, we fulfil a need to be “in the know” at the cost of someone else’s pain.

Our constant talking about relationships in the church—who’s dating who, who broke up, who we should set up—reinforces the unhealthy value placed on romantic relationships. It also creates an environment where relationships can’t grow and flourish. People don’t want to be vulnerable if they fear being judged; couples won’t ask for help if they fear their struggles will be discussed behind their backs.

BY MAKING RELATIONSHIPS THE ULTIMATE GOAL

There’s nothing wrong with romantic relationships, but there’s so much more to life than romantic relationships. Fall in love with a new hobby, with a new ministry, with a new cause to back. Pursue deeper friendships, new talents, wholeness. Flirt with the idea of a spontaneous trip, of becoming someone’s mentor, of marking something off your bucket list. Strive to live a life worthy of the calling you’ve received, more than striving to find someone to live life with.

Your dating life shouldn’t be your whole life. Don’t allow a good desire to become your ultimate desire. When we’re solely focused on finding “The One”—attending Bible studies to scope out cute singles or trying out new ministries to find new faces—we’re living in a scarcity mindset. God calls us to so much more.

There’s nothing wrong with finding a person to marry along the way, but don’t let that be the sole focus of your life. Are we worshipping relationships or the God who created them?

WOULD YOU DATE YOU? Part II

W

hen I was a young teenager, my mum called me one day and asked “what type of lady would you like to marry?” I was surprised at the question as a part of me begins to ponder why on earth she would ask that, while another part of me was wondering if she was planning on match making me with any future bride.

Finally, I decided to see where it was going and built up courage to answer her question. Just as I began my what was supposed to be unending list of qualities I desire in a lady, she stopped me and said “put it in writing and I will see it tomorrow”. Anxious to know where her little drama script was heading, I quickly picked up a pen and my jotter and started writing all the imaginable qualities any godly wife should have. I wrote the best of qualities I could remember spiritually, academically, financially, morally, socially and every aspect of life my teenager brain could cover.

The next morning was a Saturday and I rushed all my domestic chores and denied myself my favourite Saturday morning cartoons just in anxiety to see what she was driving at. I went to her with the list and told her ”Here it is”. She paused, obviously starring at the long list I had written and then she told me to read them for her. Before she could finish the statement I was already on it.

When I was done reading, she took a deep breath and told me I have good qualities jotted and any man dead or alive will be the happiest man in the world with those qualities found in his wife. Finally she said “if such lady with all those admirable qualities exist, what type of guy will she desire? Do you think you fit the type of guy she would marry?"

Silence cribbed me as though all the words in the world have sudden ran to space. Definitely not where I could have imagined she was heading with the question. She later told me to keep the list and make sure I work every day on myself to be the guy the lady on my list would admire.

I did as she instructed for a while till after my first encounter in dating (Read “The Untold Part of Me”) and I lost sight of the significant of the list. After the scenario of my last ex who called me a “runner”. I gradually began to understand what my mum meant then. John Maxwell once said “will the boy you were be proud of the man you are?”

Most of us demand perfection in our partners and make statements like “if only she/he could do these and that or stop these and that” our relationship would be perfect. But how many times have you said “if only I could do these or stop that”. Quite a lot of us demand a lot from our partners. Some of the things we ourselves might probably not render.

I believe the solution to most relationship lies in a statement once said by an American. “Don’t think of what your country can do for you but of what you can do for your country”. Stop seeing all the flaws your partner has but think of what you can fix in yourself to make you a better person for your partner.

With the help of the Holy Spirit in you teaching and guiding your thoughts. In no time, your relationship will be a daily honeymoon.

I am not saying I have attained perfection but I have learned to be open to correction and I have also come to learn to give people chance to not been perfect or been without short coming and with the help of the Holy Spirit teaching me to be a better me. I can definitely now say “Yes I would date me”. Infact, “I would love to marry me”

THE “PERFECT” MAN

I recently watched ‘The Perfect Man’, and realized that I used to be just like Sanaa Lathan’s character. At one point it seemed like I constantly dwelled on settling down and getting married. I analyzed most men that crossed my path as potential partners,  I had a checklist in my mind and literally checked off likes and dislikes by the first date looking for the qualified perfect man for me.

 

Soon some of my friends were getting married, this didn’t help my case at all, the pressure was on. I kept thinking  “God, what about me?” It was a frustrating season in my life. To know exactly what you want, pray for it all day, and yet see no results is annoying.

“But God, The Bible says you will give me the desires of my heart” I would think to myself. 

The bible also says “Ask, and you will receive.”

I didn’t understand what was going on. I focused my heart so much on what I wanted, that I forgot what I already had! Society plays a huge part in this mess. Most women are under pressure to get married and start a family, almost as if there is a deadline for love.

“ But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.” (Matthew 6:33)

Sometimes we want something so badly that we focus all of our mind on it, and unfortunately end up pushing God to the side. If we seek God wholeheartedly, then our needs and the desires of our heart will be taken care of. I found that once I focused on God, the right people started to come into my life, and the important things that I needed started to come into my life.

A crown that is meant for you will be yours regardless of time or circumstances. You just have to show that you are spiritually mature enough to wear that crown. At a time when I only craved marriage, it wasn’t really what I needed, it was just what I thought I needed to be fulfilled. I think about it now, and I see that I wasn’t spiritually mature enough to handle all that marriage has to offer.  When we look at the biblical stories of women like Ruth and Esther, we find that when they sought after God and made Him their priority, they received a blessing beyond their wildest dreams.  Look at Hannah’s story for example, for many years she cried and prayed for a son, but once she showed selflessness and promised “to give him to the Lord for all the days of his life” God opened her womb and blessed her with Samuel. God knows our heart and knows our needs. All we need to do is seek Him first and trust His will. Love starts internally.

When you start longing for a king, just remember the King of Kings and honor Him with your life first. Focus on God and everything that is meant for you, will come to you.

“The LORD will perfect that which concerns me”. (Psalm 138:8)

By Chinyere

DEAR GOD, WHERE IS MY HUSBAND?

Let’s get straight to the point: I WANT TO GET MARRIED!

Yes, I said it, and it’s not a secret. I was that girl who grew up under an awesome example of a Godly marriage; My parents. The point is I’ve always wanted to get married.

Here is the thing though; I wanted marriage more than I wanted to know God. You see, I love God and all of that, but I loved the idea of marriage even more. I would stalk young married couples via YouTube and social media. I would spend hours looking at Instagram and Facebook posts idolizing the idea of marriage. But I’m here to tell you, marriage is soooo much more than a big wedding, and cute couple pictures for the world to see.

I realized that I had fallen into the idolization of being married. I wanted to get married because I wanted a life long friend. I wanted to get married because I wanted to legally cuddle and have God-ordained sex. I wanted marriage for a lot of reasons… some right and some wrong. I realized that I wanted marriage to fill a void that it could not fill. Most importantly, I realized that I didn’t need to be married. I needed Jesus!! He is my life long friend! Marriage cannot replace the relationship that I have with Christ. Marriage cannot save me, and it cannot give me what I need from Christ.

I think we forget to think about what marriage really is. It’s a selfless covenant, which represents Christ.

If you’re selfish now while you’re single that ring won’t change a thing.

If you don’t like to serve now, that ring won’t change a thing.

Ladies, If you do not like to be told what to do in love, and don’t like to obey now, then that ring won’t change a thing!

Fellas, if you’re not seeking God and in true relationship with Him and aren’t ready to lead, then that ring won’t change a thing.

Okay, so you get my drift? Marriage is not just about the date nights, legal sex, pictures, and the cute stuff. It’s a holy covenant; a life long deal.

So my sister, you may have been hurt in past relationships, rejected, or mistreated. God’s timing is perfect and when it’s time your husband will come.

Men, your wife will come if you’re reading this too :). God will show you who to pursue and when to pursue her. His timing is so perfect. I’m talking to myself when I write this post, but I wanted to share it with you also.

Focus on the Lord, and NOT just to get a man/woman, but also to truly seek Him & get to know Him. Have you ever thought that the reason why you’re still single is because God knows that the moment He brings you someone they will become your God? Think on that!

By Mary Vaughn

4 LIES I BELIEVED ABOUT DATING A CHRISTIAN

 

Dating someone who loves Jesus doesn't make all your relationship problems go away.

Since the days of I Kissed Dating Goodbye, it’s become increasingly common for articles, books and sermons to provide us with tips and instructions on “how to date well” and “what Christian dating should look like.” But rarely do we discuss the real life details of what actually goes on in these relationships.

From an outside perspective, it’s easy to assume that it’s all sunshine and rainbows when two people rooted in Jesus become one. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.

After years of dating the wrong guys, I’m finally with a man who shares my morals, values and love for God. However, a few months in, the image I had in my head of what our relationship would look like has already been painted over with the some hard truths. Here are four debunked myths about dating a Christian:

 

WE WOULDN’T HAVE ANY PROBLEMS

“It shouldn’t be this hard. It should be easy.” Those were the words my last boyfriend uttered to me as we broke up. Maybe we are too different, I thought. If I date a Christian, maybe I won’t encounter so many troubles in my relationship. We’ll both have Jesus. What could go wrong?

MISCOMMUNICATION, ARGUMENTS AND HURT FEELINGS ARE INEVITABLE IN ANY RELATIONSHIP, WHETHER OR NOT THAT RELATIONSHIP INCLUDES JESUS.

Yes, dating a fellow believer does have its advantages. Being with someone who is also rooted in Christ can encourage us in our faith and will have a better understanding of our walk with God. Unfortunately, these things can’t take away our ability to sin. The truth is, we are still human and we err.

My ex-boyfriend’s words couldn’t be more wrong. Relationships are hard and they require work just like anything at which we hope to be successful. Miscommunication, arguments and hurt feelings are inevitable in any relationship, whether or not that relationship includes Jesus.

To most of our dismays, dating doesn’t come with an instruction manual. Thus, there will be times where we might unintentionally cause the other person pain. Sharing a love for God may allow you and your significant other to deal with such hurt feelings differently than if he or she were a non-believer. Still, problems will arise and to bury them in our naivety would be doing both us and our partners a disservice.

 

MY INSECURITIES WOULD DISAPPEAR

When I lost my virginity I thought, What God-fearing man would want a dirty, tainted girl like me? I struggled with shame and guilt for many subsequent years.

Now, I’m in a relationship with an amazing man of God. While I’m fortunate enough to be with someone who doesn’t look upon my past with bitterness, resentment or anger, there are days where my previous mistakes sink back into my thoughts, haunting me and almost drowning me in regret. This is opposite of the belief I once held that if a Christian guy could accept me and my past, I would have nothing to fear.

No matter how godly your significant other is, he or she cannot free you of your sins or the emotional consequences that result from them. Only God can (Isaiah 43:25). It’s only when you accept God’s forgiveness—and learn to forgive yourself—that you can live in freedom.

Jesus said, “Come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28). He didn’t tell us to run to our boyfriends or girlfriends. He tells us to go to Him for comfort, because that’s where we will find it.

 

WAITING FOR MARRIAGE WOULD BE EASY

Although my boyfriend and I made the decision to not have sex until we’re married, I’d be lying if I said the idea never crossed my mind. Attraction is a good thing, but we have to remember that temptation doesn’t magically vanish into thin air the moment two Christians enter into a relationship.

In fact, it probably becomes stronger. Satan loves to bring God’s children down by trapping them in his lies and manipulating them, like we saw in the garden.

Saving sex for the context of marriage is what God commands. But what’s right isn’t always easy.

 

I'D FINALLY START GROWING SPIRITUALLY

In my early twenties, I often said that it is only when I get to a certain place or position in my life that I will finally be able to fully live for God. “When I become a teacher, I will be in a better position to preach the Gospel.” “When I meet my husband, I will be able to better serve others.” I mistakenly believed that my life couldn’t or wouldn’t bear fruit until I met that special someone, as if everything I did prior was just practice for the real thing. But life is not a rehearsal.

We shouldn’t wait for God to introduce us to our significant other to start serving Him. Matthew 6:33 tells us to, “Seek first His kingdom and all these things will be added to you.” I clearly had it backward. Our lives can begin bearing fruit right here; right now; single or not. Likewise, dating a Christian doesn’t automatically lead to a fruitful relationship.

Dating will forever be a tricky topic, especially within the Church. When it comes to dating and more importantly, marriage, I am fully behind the idea of being “equally yoked” (2 Corinthians 6:14) with another Christian. But we need to remind ourselves that it’s not just two Christians coming together; it’s two sinners. While this comes with its own share of obstacles as seen above, it doesn’t negate the fact that God, the author and creator of you and your partner, is above it all and will guide the both you to build your relationship in a way that brings Him glory.

by SARAH HAHN

WOULD YOU DATE YOU?

It’s a simple question, but I didn’t have a simple answer. I sat on my bed pondering that question over and over in my mind. After an hour, I came to a conclusion. The answer was NO. It was a question that I posed to myself after having a life changing conversation with my then girlfriend. She and I had been on again and off again for quite a while. It seemed as if we kept going around the same mountain over and over, without a clear resolution in site. After our conversation that night, I discovered one of the main reasons…. 

All I remember hearing was “You’re a runner” Now for those who aren’t familiar, this is a derogatory term often used (among teenagers) to describe a man/woman who has been intimate with many women/men. Of course my initial reaction was shock and offense. “Excuse me, what did you just call me”? She replied “I don’t mean that type of runner. I mean when you face adversity and things get rough, you run. You don’t like to stick things out”. I was completely taken aback. Why? It was because she was right.

Rewind the tape of my dating history…

Although I hadn’t had much “real” dating experience, there were a few ladies in my past whom I briefly “dated”. As I reflected on the words spoken that night, I was reminded that each ended with the same scenario. I broke it off with every…single…one of them. There was no explanation. No warning. Nothing. When things didn’t go “my” way, I simply walked away from the person and relationship. I didn’t want to face any type of pain, rejection, or abandonment. So, I figured the easiest way for me to avoid that was to simply walk way. For years that worked for me, but not once did I ever consider how the other person felt. Until now…

Silenced echoed on the other end of the phone. For the first time in my life, I was literally speechless. As much I didn’t want to admit it, she was absolutely correct. I felt awful. Awful for the trail of broken hearts that I left behind. I felt awful for the pain that I was causing them. Just awful.  I was comfortable running. I didn’t have to deal with my issues of abandonment when I was running. I wouldn’t have to feel relationship pain if I ran. Running was all I knew. 

Often times we are so oblivious to our behaviour. Up until this point, I had been extremely unaware. I believe God allows people to enter our lives to help reveal our flaws. Had we never dated (again) or had that conversation, I would still be running. I’m grateful that God used her to speak to me that night. That conversation completely opened my eyes to so many things that I needed to work on within myself. Although we have parted ways, that day forever changed my life. 

The Bible says in 2 Timothy1:7 “For God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control”.

There is a greater power called the “Holy Spirit” working within me. Therefore, I no longer have to run when things get rough. We never know who God will use to speak to us. Luckily I’ve learned how to stop running so I can hear Him when He does.

“Would You Date You?”

Finally, I can confidently answer that question with a firm “yes”.

But how was I able to arrive at this resolution and how did I work out my relationship flaws?

Watch out for the Second Part of “Would You Date You”

MOVIES AND YOU

M

ovies have different effects on you; depending on the content of the movie and your reason for watching. Some movies teach you lessons you can hold on to for a very long time.

I saw this old movie, “coach carter”, and thought it was worth mentioning. And what I particularly saw as significant in the movie is reiterated in “karate kid” and “Facing the Giant. That is, building muscle in your area or field of interest and career.

I’ve come to understand the fact that you don’t learn the art of a career and become excellent at it, if your roots are not well developed and built up. You need to deal with the foundational stages and build your muscle to the extent where you can wield your power in your chosen career.

Dre Parker in “karate kid” had his first lessons building his muscles, the process of removing and putting on his jacket seemed torturous at first, but the fruit of the process was later harvested. The same theory is seen in “coach carter” and “facing the Giants” with the number of pushups, stone walls, and athletic exercises they had to go through.

This same theory should be applied in our lives. Every excellent writer has read a lot of books. Every excellent singer has listened to and sang a lot of songs. Every excellent athlete has exercised, practiced and ran a lot. Every excellent business man has been involved in business and learnt a lot. Everyone that has excelled in a chosen career has built him/ herself up in that line.

To wield means “to have and exercise something, to be able to hold and use tool”. You need muscle and powers to be able to effectively and efficiently use a tool or ability.

You want to become the hammer wielding god Thor? You have to first learn how to lift, use and be effective with the hammer.

Okay, so what you do right now is boring, incapacitating and outside the field you are interested in. Or you don’t have the job you want yet:

Ø  Learn and give what you can at the place you are now. You will need the knowledge to incorporate in your career.

Ø  Look for points of interest and fun where you are now. It will help you look at things differently and see important things you can use in your career.

Ø  Walk with people that have interest in and are building up career in that field and similar fields.

Ø  Embrace social media. Follow respected people in that industry. Like pages that talk about things associated with that field. Follow up online conversations.

Ø  Take courses that build you up in your career and field of interest.

Ø  You’ve got to the first have the power and the muscle before wielding it. Remember that.

[Gbemi  Lolade]